Help revising my common app essay

Would anyone be interested in helping me revise my common app essay? It is a work in progress, and I would like some input from people here. The prompt is:

USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

Let me know if you want to read my essay so I can PM you :slight_smile:

you can PM me