Help with Common APP Essay!! Can't decide if the plot is good enough!

<p>Can someone please take a look at my essay and give me feedback on it? And please be absolutely honest. International student here desperately looking for someone with experience in college essays.</p>

<p>PM me or email me if you want an adult looking over your essay. I may be very critique but I know I am fair. If your essay can’t even get by me, chances are the college admission office will not like it neither.</p>

<p>I am an international applicant too, struggling with the same problem.</p>