<p>I thought I had my own excellent ideas about what sort of letters are helpful to someone going through an ordeal like BCT. Now I’m not so sure. </p>
<p>I realize that each cadet is different and will view letters through a slightly different prism. Still, I have to believe there are some universal principles applicable to all. So a couple of questions for the group, especially for people (e.g., current and former cadets) who have been there: which letters tend to do the most good? Which do the least good? Which should be avoided altogether? </p>
<p>I have rewritten my most recent intended letter twice now. Having slept on it, I likely will not send this most recent letter to my son at all. When I first wrote it I focused on, and validated, the intense discomfort and extreme unpleasantness he has been expressing in his letters. But now I’m thinking I should take a different tack. Any ideas on how to write to a cadet in a way that will assist the cadet in a positive way to more quickly and effectively become what it is that the cadre is shaping him (or her) into?</p>
<p>Things not to write (very general):
Negative things happening at home or in BCT
Food. Saying you had a steak last night may not go well when you BC just had boiled chicken.
Second thoughts about being at the academy. No one from home should be adding to any 2nd thoughts or someone may be more miserable.
How worried you are, or stressed. The BCs are stressed enough as is.</p>
<p>Good things:
What you did that day, errands, people you saw.
If they sent you a story about being yelled about that was funny, a comment that it made you laugh and/or others laugh.
Tell them you're proud (in a way that doesn't insinuate that if they leave you will be disappointed) and that your glad their at such a great place.
Current news/sports scores, etc that would be of interest are great things (clipping from the newspaper are awesome).
Anything positive about most anything. Say your glad to here the funny/good stories that might be in their letters. If none, tell them there must be SOMETHING funny among all the yelling! Don't say how long is left, but say that it will be over soon and school is coming. </p>
<p>These are just a few ideas. Hope this helps some.</p>
<p>Great questions-But I doubt anyone of us could figure out the cadre to make it easier on the cadets. My daughter says the one big thing that the cadre are doing in her squadron are contradicting each other. I don't nessesarily consider that the best leadership prgram, but I'm sure there is a method to their madness.Go figure-Susan</p>
<p>I typically sit down in the late evening with the laptop. Start typing and summarize the day. I avoid things that I think will make her upset, I ask her questions about her day and try to find ways to pump her up (talk about teamwork).</p>
<p>I think any mail is better than no mail. Like you pointed out, it's hard to say because every kid will react in a different manner. Some of my friends loved hearing about home, and some hated it because it made them miss it so much. I used to really like the ones with outside news in it because when you're in Basic, you're totally shut out from the world. If your kids are into something specific (sports, celebrities, politics, etc.) it'll be nice for them to hear about it.</p>
<p>This might be a bit early but I found the following article "Help, my cadet wants to quit" very insightful when I first discovered its link on our Parents Association website. It's a collection of ideas and thoughts on how to support your cadet when he/she goes thru trying times at the Academy and drops that first "I hate it here" bomb on you. Perhaps the advise could also apply to how to react to negative letters coming from your BCT cadet too...</p>
<p>Good luck, and keep the mail flowing, regardless of how short or long it is. I've been clipping comics from the morning paper everyday, ditto sports articles, etc. Anything to put another envelope in his mailbox....</p>
<p>Cubs scores!! I loved reading my little sister's game summaries even though they were a week late. </p>
<p>The best thing was when my mom and dad just wrote about their days. Who they talked to, what they did, that sort of stuff. Pretty much hornetguy said it perfectly, except I liked hearing about the steaks (along with the other random, mundane stuff) because it triggered memories that I could keep in my head during the hard stuff.</p>
<p>I have just got to get used to the roller-coaster of highs and lows. My son is never critical of cadre or the other cadets in his letters. He really, REALLY likes his room mate and the other members of his flight. He'd do anything for them. He loves the Academy and never fails to express his thoughts in that regard. He just gets discouraged with himself and worries himself sick that he's going to get "kicked out" for not being perfect. The things he obsesses over--it's just not like him. He's always been such an emotionally serene, optimistic young man. I try to reassure him that his is NOT going to be kicked out for accidentally dozing off during a video or failing a SAMI. These things are transient in the greater scheme of life.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I remind him that honor, honesty, and integrity are absolute, eternal, and nonnegotiable. He has written of two incidents where he was queried by the cadre about some minor performance failing (that he thought were the end of the world) and he immediately owned up to them--and paid a painful price. I told him I was really proud of him for that. </p>
<p>I also reached back into my Air Force memories and told him to always be looking to cover his wingman's "six." If he sees them failing, falling behind, or about to be ambushed by upperclassmen or cadre, then within the strict bounds of the honor code, he should do everything he can to assist them. </p>
<p>I keep assuring him that he can get this done, but that he's got to learn NOT to take things personally.</p>
<p>And I describe what is happening in his favorite comic strips and Internet media (e.g., Dilbert, Homestar Runner/Strongbad's emails etc).</p>
<p>So far this is a tougher thing for me to handle than I ever thought it would be.</p>
<p>Well counselor you are not alone. The D was much the same in her last letter. Described her concerns of second BCT, and more. I really believe as long as the bodys hold up the kids will survive. I have been finding episode summaries of her favorite TV shows, and adding them to her letter's. Hopefully not violating any copyrights :) , and keeping her current with what has happened each day. Can't wait for Ac year and the first grade below a B. I know the world will end with that one.</p>