<p>So often reading about planning EC or summer activities, we are all trying to encourage our kids to find something that really interests them, and I seem to have a wonderful son of the normal variety who is quite content to not go deeply into any one activity. He enjoys things he does, but doesn't push himself to do his best, and has not found anything he feels strongly about. He has no problems and is a wonderful S, but I would like to help him find an activity / issue / desire that really speaks to him. Core data: 16 y/o HS jr, IB diploma track, varsity tennis player, photo editor for school paper, in DECA (business club), french NHS.
He was slated to begin volunteering at the hospital, but that has been closed due to H1N1. He thinks he may be interested in medicine. He is not an initiator and has a slightly immature need to not be embarrassed and to be good at something (or pretty sure he will be) before giving it a try.
I hope I'm making sense - I just see a lot of (nice) superficial activities taking a lot of time but he isn't learning much about himself as a person because he hasn't experienced that moment of investing your heart and mind - and feeling like it mattered.
Should I leave this alone, or do you have suggestions to try to help him find a "passion"?</p>
<p>I understand your concern - but in the end, any “passion” he has for an activity has to come from him. </p>
<p>When we lived overseas - my younger son was involved in everything - drama, rugby, MUN, roller hockey, etc. He liked it all, but wasn’t passionate about any of it. My older son really only played his trumpet (on his own, no band program) and played roller hockey. Couldn’t get him interested in anything else.</p>
<p>When we moved back to the US (younger was a sophomore, older a junior) - we asked them to choose 1 activity that they wanted to be involved with at their new school. We didn’t know it at the time - but the choices they made ended up being their “passions.” </p>
<p>DS#2 decided he wanted to be on the golf team - altho he had VERY little experience. But, the coach saw potential, he made the team (JV), and it is now a 24/7 obsession. He is #2 on the JV team and has a better tournament average than several of the Varsity guys. Not bad considering he’s only really been playing for 16 months!</p>
<p>DS#1 joined the band and got completely hooked. So much so that he is now part of 3 different schools bands (marching/concert band, jazz band, symphonic orchestra), is frequently chosen for solos/small ensembles, and is only looking at colleges that have strong band programs. </p>
<p>Keep encouraging and supporting him - but not pushing him. The moment will come!</p>
<p>Don’t worry about the “passion”. Leave it alone- any suggestions may = nagging and not help. It sounds like he is interested in a variety of activities, including something physical, let him enjoy them without worrying about the college application. Let him be himself, not a polished for college admissions/looks good on paper student. He IS learning about himself- he is trying a variety of activites and is adding these experiences to his list of what to do/not do later in life. YOU may never find out his true passions- give him his space. This also applys to his college app essays, where he may indicate a passion unknown to you- he may let teachers and not you see them. </p>
<p>Sounds like a great kid- academically strong and also enjoying the nonacademic side of HS. Let him continue to enjoy his childhood. He is not a product to be packaged/marketed for college.</p>
<p>I’ll be interested to see the replies you get on this one. My older two (boys) both found activities early on that they were passionate about. My daughter, who is 14 yo, not so much. She is definitely different than them. Mostly, I would really like her to find a volunteer activity that she could get hooked on. She enjoys volunteering, but hasn’t found anything that she really wants to do on an ongoing basis.</p>
<p>Agreed…the passion needs to be HIS. There really isn’t anything you can do to foster “passion”. It sounds like he has some things he enjoys doing…and that is important.</p>
<p>“He was slated to begin volunteering at the hospital, but that has been closed due to H1N1.”</p>
<p>I see we are not the only ones that were impacted by this…here are some ideas we were given…</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/805544-now-what.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/805544-now-what.html</a></p>
<p>I really agree with wis75, exactly. I know when college applications come up, people are concerned that their kid may not be able to write about that specific “passion” if they don’t have one–if that is your concern. But your kid has several interests, and even if he isn’t incredibly passionate about one, on the essays he can focus on his favorite, build it up and just let the bs flow. I’d imagine there is all sorts of creative writing when it comes to college essays!</p>
<p>I agree with everyone. My oldest didn’t have a clear sports passion or club passion…but he loves to read…always has a couple books going, falls asleep with books on his face. That is his passion. He also loves to cook. Can you list reading books and cooking as an EC on the College Board profile…probably not in the typical sense and I doubt he put that down. Did I worry about it when he was applying for college. Not really. He’s a great well rounded guy who is quite athletic (and continued with one sport in college) and loves to read, especially British authors. I’ll buy him a book anyday to support his “passion.” I don’t think you “plan” ECs they just develop in the kids.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies.
wis75 - it actually is a bit the opposite. He is more likely to say “I should do X, it would look good on college apps” and I am the one saying - “no honey, forget about college and spend your time on the things that really interest you!”
It’s not that I’m hoping for something for college apps, it’s that I’m wanting him to find something outside of himself that holds real meaning for him.
Perhaps I ask for too much! Or, like some of you say, perhaps it’s there and just isn’t being shared with (gasp!) mom!!
rodney - thank you for the link!</p>
<p>Cliche and probably unsatisfactory, but let the passion find him than have him find a passion. </p>
<p>Best thing you can do is expose him to a variety of experiences.</p>
<p>Some boys are just really late bloomers. I think colleges understand this. He is exploring some activities, which is great.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if “looking good on a resume” inspires them to undertake more, that’s okay. Sometimes we do need others to show us how much more we’re capable of.</p>
<p>Either way, I bet he’ll be fine.</p>
<p>I don’t have any passion for anything. Do something NOW or your kid will end up like me, and you definitely don’t want that. </p>
<p>That’s not really true. I’m passionate about playing Civ4 (Civilization 4… It’s a computer game), but it’s not really a productive way to spend my time. Infact, I think most people who you would look at as not-passionate about anything are just passionate about something unproductive. What does he do in his free time (assuming he has any)? That’s probably what he’s passionate about.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. S1’s passion since about tenth grade has been working out at the gym. He went from string bean kid in m.s. to Johnny Atlas by h.s. grad. There was no spot on the college app. for gym rat:)
He was always a very strong student (fullride '09 college grad with honors) but he is positively crazy about weight lifting (and also the nutritional component of muscle building). Some would say his passion is a complete waste of time. </p>
<p>S2, a college soph., played h.s. football for four years but other than that, no real passion. </p>
<p>They both held P/T jobs yr. round throughout h.s. which (to me anyway) demostrated just as much dedication as a passion in music/sports. </p>
<p>So S1 had an all consuming passion that was not really relevant to college apps. and S2 had a time consuming sport that he liked and was very good at but it was basically just one space on the app. (note: both S’s chose state u’s with a very simple apps. and were not asked to write an essay)</p>
<p>As desperately as colleges and universities look for uniqueness, the college applications and specifically the common app reduces the kids to a list of ECs and Awards. It’s no wonder kids chafe at filling out apps.</p>
<p>I never found a single “passion.” I have broad interests, read widely, have tried a lot of things and done several quite well, dabbled here and there. I have joked that I should have been born in an earlier century as a male with money; I would have been a dilettante. I think my varied interests and consequent knowledge has served me well as a parent, a spouse, and as a friend. I’ve involved myself in various community and volunteer activities through the years and I feel I have made a reasonable contribution.</p>
<p>So, this has not been a bad thing, though it did make it difficult to settle on a major in college. I could have made more money earlier if I had been driven in a single direction, so my bank account would be fatter now. But I am as high as it is possible to go in my company without unseating the founder (new career for me as of 3 years ago), so I am doing OK right now.</p>
<p>I guess what I am trying to say is that being interested in many things is not all bad.</p>
<p>The kid has several activities (tennis, DECA, newspaper, French). Looks great to me.</p>
<p>I have a 10th grader who has NO activities. Just quit music for good. No sports. No clubs. . Excellent student, but just not interested in ANYTHING. Two older sibs had a couple “passions” each. But with this kid, it is academics only–and he’s not passionate about any subject, just good at everything in a dutiful, but half-hearted way. H thinks it’s a real problem, wonders if kid needs counseling (kid has always been like this–it is his personality, so not a “recent change”) I can’t force S to do stuff he doesn’t want to do at this point. I am trying to look on the bright side–Kid has 4.0+ Not into drugs, alcohol. Physically healthy. Not rebellious. Gets along, even tempered–not cheerful, but never angry. Helps around the house/yard and with younger sibs, goes to church with family, likes computer games–but not to the point of obsession/addiction (like older brother. . .) etc. I love this kid. But I’d like to see him enjoy SOMETHING. Any thoughts on this kid?</p>
<p>DS benefitted from P/T job after deciding not to do football between sophomore and junior year. Met a lot of people, learned a lot about himself, manages his time so much better and has been given lots of leadership opportunities. Some of my relatives turned up their noses when they learned of this, but we plowed ahead as supportive parents and kept encouraging him. He was not a 4.0 kid before he got the job, but certainly is a 4.0 kid after. </p>
<p>The job search was hilarious. I took him to the first 5-10 places with all rejections following, but he started talking to friends and found a job through networking. (Would you call it that?)</p>
<p>interesting discussion! Yes, I am thankful for the great S I have, just wanting to be sure that the short time we have left at home together includes him knowing both that I love him every bit, and that joy is to be had in our lives - it’s more like atomom says, it’s not that he isn’t involved in anything (unlike atomom) but that he just doesn’t seem to be all that excited about anything in particular. A real heartfelt “that was awesome” over something would be so exciting. But perhaps it’s more personality.
The other thing I’m realizing as I examine my own post, is that an additional thing I’ve been hoping for is some evidence of caring about making a difference in the plight of others. but I’m coming to understand that can happen in lots of different ways and not necessarily in ways that look like “helping” - and may not happen until later in life. I want to expose him to situations that maximize the likelihood of that caring becoming clear inside him. He gets to be himself. I get to love him.</p>
<p>atomom. He sounds like a great kid. Any chance he might have interests you don’t know about? They often keep their interests to themselves and don’t share with us.</p>
<p>What worked for us, is that we insisted they have a sport, for physical conditioning. Not all the time, but often. Didn’t have to be a school sport, or some full time activity. But at least a local club, a couple times a week. Even something like orienteering is alot of fun and plenty of exercise. We were always trying to help the kids search for “passions” and if we got a hint of something we would go crazy encouraging and enabling it. Even going to movies with friends, gaming places, go carts, whatever-they need to find something fun to do every now and then. Board game groups, Dungeons and Dragons, Magic Cards. I had a kid who just seemed perfectly happy staying home and doing nothing in particular, but happy enough going places. Though he now has some passions, finally! Some kids are just happy no matter what.</p>
<p>ato and puma, this may be way off track but have you considered Asperger’s syndrome? Some of what you are saying sounds all too familiar. This is an interesting website.
[Asperger</a> Syndrome - Asperger’s Syndrome - Aspergers Syndrome - Symptoms of Asperger Syndrome](<a href=“http://autism.about.com/od/aspergerssyndrome/a/adultsaspergers.htm]Asperger”>Traits of Mild Autism in Adults and Children)</p>