Hey guys! Need some feedback on my essay!

<p>This is for the "the world I come from prompt" and also UWs second choice prompt</p>

<p>For the first nine years of my life, my father and I lived together in Dutch Harbor, Unalaska. He was a crab fisher. Everyday, he would ask me what I wanted and no matter what I asked for, he would say he’d get it for me. He would always bring me lunch while I was at school and let me stay home when I felt sick. After late-night dinner parties, he would carry me on his back to the car, gripping my legs hard so that it was impossible for me to fall off. I remember when he rushed out the house and yanked me away from a game of dodgeball because he witnessed me getting hit. I told him that we were just having fun, but he was having none of it. I never questioned him. I never understood why he did such things for me. Most of all, I never understood why he stayed in Alaska when I moved in with my aunt in California.
Seven years later, he finally visited me. We sat in the dining room alone that night; the light was perfectly dimmed enough for a story to be told. After some small-talk, he revealed to me his life story; how he traveled by boat from Vietnam to the United States to avoid the ongoing conflict between North and South Vietnam; how he arrived here alone, living and working by himself while attending high school; how he could not afford college; and how afterwards his friend called him up about a crab fishing job in Dutch Harbor. I always believed crab fishing was an exciting job until I curiously asked him, “Dad, do you have fun with your job?”
“No, I absolutely hate it. It’s all I have.” He openly admitted.
The dining room turned dead silent. My eyes widened, unable to blink. I stared at the wall for what felt like years.
“Son, you alright?” He asked concernedly.
“Yeah, I’m just tired,” I lied.
“Boy, then go to sleep.”
When I arrived in my room, I switched the lights off and sat on the bed with my head resting in the palms of my hands. Suddenly, tears began to run down my cheeks. Everything about my dad finally clicked. It was a moment of revelation - I finally understood why he called me his number one, why he reminded me everyday that he would get me anything I wished, why he sent me to California, and why he worked a job that he loathed. I realized I was his only hope. He took on all these struggles for the sake of my future - he wanted to make sure that I never went through the hardships he suffered and that I received opportunities he could only dream of attaining. My dad wanted me to discover what success truly feels like. From that moment, the bond between us grew even stronger.<br>
I have always aspired to become a professional tennis player or a successful businessman. But I never had any intrinsic motive to strive for any of them, something that could keep me going everyday. Understanding my dad’s past gave me the drive to work hard and to explore my passions. Whenever I felt like giving up on something, I would remind myself of the hours he put into crab-fishing even though he hated it. My dad showed me the value of perseverance through the strength of his character. Looking forward, I want to repay my dad for all he has done. I plan to run my own business one day, and with the life lessons he’s taught me, I will strive for that goal until it is achieved. </p>

<p>I think it focuses a little bit too much on your dad. I must commend you though on the fact that it reads like a story! However, please don’t post essays on here. Read the stickied thread on essay advice and how to get advice safely. By posting your essay directly, you are leaving yourself open to plagiarism (people may steal your essay). </p>

<p>Your dad’s story is very compelling. However, he is not applying to college. I want to know more about you. Here is how I would suggest reframing what you have. Also, second the note that you shouldn’t post a full essay here.</p>

<p>Did you like growing up in Alaska as a kid? It sounds like you thought it was pretty awesome there - that your dad loved crab fishing etc. Next paragraph describe your aspirations and goals from that “pre-realization” perspective. Final paragraph can be your “loss of innocence” about the great life of Alaska and “growing up” to realize how dad sacrificed and how that realization matured your future goals and aspirations - the desire to repay dad etc. </p>

<p>Don’t post your essays out for people to steal…</p>