<p>I am kind of bored right now. HAHA. But, I'm actually trying to motivate myself to write this intro paragraph before I go to bed, complete adn revised in its final form b/c I am ocd like that sometimes haha.</p>
<p>Wondering if you can tell its point, what it'll talk about, and if it flows well (you know.)</p>
<p>Pros/cons would be appreciated!</p>
<p>I have to write a 10-15 pg. paper for my junior level college class YIKES! at Tulane</p>
<p>Regardless of ethnic background, children in America are similar in some ways. They wake in the morning, whether to eat breakfast or finish homework, and proceed to an educational facility. Mid-afternoon, they return home to tackle work, maybe taking part in leisure activities. The fine line, then, is drawn between children of European-American families and Chinese-American families. Due to differences in parenting, both cultures are more so distant, in fact, in terms of academics. There are also contrasting perceptions in the gender gap and familial respect. Likewise, children turn out the same physically, but what about emotionally and mentally? </p>
<p>This is with a good bit of editing</p>
<p>BUt, it might not be 100%. My Ambien is kicking in hahaha. I'm tired and writing at 2 in the morning, maybe I should hit the sack. Tell me all what y'all think!!</p>
<p>First, your first sentance is a bit vague and doesn’t really pop. The phrase ‘similar in some ways,’ just seems a bit weak. </p>
<p>‘The fine line, then, is drawn between…’ This is passive voice, a big no-no, you want to avoid the word ‘is’ whenever you can. It waters down what you’re trying to say. </p>
<p>I think you need to be more explicit in your opening paragraph. A good opener for a research paper (which I assume this is) should say exactly what the research question is, and what you will argue. Don’t be afraid to use the first person, ie. ‘In this paper, I argue that …’ Concentrate on streamlining your sentences and eliminate unnecessary words. </p>
<p>I’m no expert. That’s just my 2 cents. I have been writing research papers for quite awhile though. Hope this helps!</p>
<p>If it’s a research paper, yeah, don’t use the first person, but it’s okay for persuasive essays. Also, there is a time and a place for passive voice.</p>
<p>goldshadow! I completely agree with your statement, however, the funny thign is that my teacher (at least for this paper) wants us to use big words b/c she is foreign and learned englisht hrough the “textbook” if u know what i mean. Normally I try to cut big words and enhance flow but…i don’t know somehow it doens’t matter with her. it’s for anthropology too.</p>
<p>^What he said haha. There are no “big words,” just forced phrases. I.e. educational facility (uh, school?), tackle work, take part in leisure activities (have fun), etc.</p>