My daughter is a classical sax player. I am not sure what is etiquette. She wants a senior recital. But not a graduation reception or party. If we do a recital is it customary for people to bring cards or gifts? Are refreshments needed ? Who should be invited? Is it formal or casual?
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Hi. I can’t speak from personal experience but my friend’s son and daughter both had senior recitals. Son is an exceptional trumpet player. She did it at our local church and it went for maybe an hour? He took a break and her daughter, an equally exceptional flute player, sat in with two other flutists and played for maybe 10 or so minutes. They had a reception afterward with coffee and a variety of desserts and I’m fairly sure people brought gifts, cards etc. I know I did. It was casual and there were a LOT of people there. Hope that helps! Congrats to your daughter!
My son graduated high school in 2016 and we’ve known a lot of music-focused kids who had HS senior recitals. Some had receptions afterwards, some did not. I think this depended more on how many out of town family and friends were attending. Some just had light refreshments afterwards but I think this depended on the venue. Some were just recitals and I think that was fine. In other words, they really varied.
Same for “formal or casual”. I think that was mostly personal/family preferences. My son’s a jazz musician and one friend’s senior recital/grad party was a backyard affair but with a big party tent, full sound system, formal set list with various musicians sitting in. At the end, it turned into a big jam session (ALL of the jazz senior recitals ended up as a big jam…) Another friend had a traditional Indian music recital and, wow, it was amazing. In general, it seemed like the classical recitals were more formal.
Common elements were a few speeches, usually some adult family member (i.e. a parent, grandparent, etc.) describing the student’s music career, thanking teachers, etc., and another one by the student, usually thanking the parents. Most, if not all, involved at least one or two musician friends sitting in. As for who was invited, pretty much who you’d expect – family and friends, both of the parents and of the kids. I was invited if I knew the parents from our kids having played in the same bands, combos, etc. There were many that only my son was invited.
Many private classical teachers will have a recommended format for senior recitals.
My daughter is a singer and graduated just last spring. She had a full Recital (formal for her, including a couple of wardrobe changes…singers, lol! but casual for guests), and we used a Recital Hall at a local University. We chose to combine her Recital/graduation celebration, in part because it’s hard to ask people to come to 2 big events so close together, and also because honestly, a Recital is expensive (venue, extra coaching, accompanist, programs, invitations, formal wear). We sent out small invitation cards in lieu of graduation announcements, and the event was described as “Recital followed by a reception and graduation celebration” (or something close to that). Our venue offered an ante room that was perfect for the reception, and guests could spill outside to visit and eat (which was so nice because the weather was beautiful). You could do something like this in so many different ways, but ours did include some duets and fun numbers and some little thank you speeches by my daughter and her teacher. People did bring graduation gifts, but of course this wasn’t expected. We invited everyone who had any impact upon my daughter during her schooling, including teachers, friends, family, family friends, church members/friends; her event was designed as a way to say thank you for the support of all our family and friends, and as a kind of coming of age and send off to college celebration.
Adding to my post above.
Whenever I’ve been invited, I brought at least a small graduation gift, typically a card with a gift card or cash. If my son was invited alone, I let him decide what to do about a gift but he usually did something similar.
I don’t know anyone who did this, so I must be kind of out of it! If we did do one, I would try to make it a gift to the town or family and friends or whatever and not link it to graduation. I would keep the focus on the music and not the kid. This would prevent gifts and money and so on and make the performance truly a performance for others. Of course if other musician grads are involved, it can turn into a large joint celebration, which is nice .
Unless it is a fundraiser, and I know one family whose musician did a concert to raise money for tuition. I am not a fan of that, because so many need help with tuition and I wouldn’t want to present our needs as special in any way.
Well…where I’m from…any invite from a senior was assumed to be a graduation party (even if it’s just a recital) and you darn better bring a gift…or be socially shunned. As for doing a celebration for the town…that might just seem presumptuous here…you best do what others are doing…but maybe it would fly in other places.
Ask around to see what is done by other musicians in your school…most people here did a recital and a party…but some did a recital only with maybe some coffee and cookies afterwards. As for gifts, I would NEVER show up without a card with a small cash gift for the graduate. Whatever invite I got for seniors, I put on a nice dress and showed up card in hand…as did most everyone else. It’s customary here.
I can think of three occasions in my area where it happened as I described and where bringing gifts would be frowned upon. So clearly different in different areas. We are in a more working class area but one that has a well-known performance space that gets donated for student performances, and churches are other venues.
When my D graduated, she had a recital with a reception afterwards. I had invitations printed up and we used a church with great acoustics. They had a hall with a full kitchen attached so a friend helped set up a lovely reception there with small sandwiches, cookies, coffee, tea and cold drinks and everyone moved into there when the recital was finished.
Don’t forget to have programs run off and to have your videographer set up with a clear site line!
When I did my senior recital, I did it the beginning of May, few weeks before graduation because everything would be hectic by then. My friends also had senior recitals; some had it earlier and other in August before leaving for college(maybe not the best idea :P)
My recital was about an hour, with a short intermission and reception afterwards. Since I’m a violinist, the music I played are probably a lot longer than sax repertoire, so maybe you wouldn’t need a intermission and have a 45-min short recital. You could also have others play in the recital too because preparing that much music can be hard and nerve racking.
I invited my friends, former teachers (both music and academic) and family. My teachers even reached out to their students so there were a few people I didn’t know in the audience. I had around 50 people total (which is amazing!) but expect around 15 people unless you have a large community.
I treated this as any other kind of formal concert; I don’t expect any gifts or excessive parties, just some flowers from friends and light snacks/sweets at the reception. Graduation gifts can wait until graduation! The reception was more to get in touch with people I haven’t seen for a while and having fun with friends.
Hope this helps!
I think the area you are in may very well determine the kind of shindig you throw. Here in Michigan, Open Houses for high school graduates are a thing. Maybe it’s a midwest thing or maybe it’s a 2000’s thing, I don’t know. I know I never had an open house or even a graduation party (I grew up in NY) and neither did my husband who is from NC. That being said, I am swamped in June with what we call “open house season” and families spend literally thousands of dollars on tent rentals, catering, decorations, the works. It’s quite something to behold. Thankfully my son wanted no part of that so we had a small backyard BBQ grad party for him. He didn’t want a senior recital either. His friend, the fantastic trumpet player I mentioned in a previous post, did his senior recital in lieu of the big splashy open house so it killed two birds with one stone. SO, I think it depends on the customs in the area you are from. If the big grad parties are a thing and you want to have a recital in addition to the grad party then gifts, reception would not be necessary. If the recital is the whole shebang, grad party and recital wrapped into one, then yes I’d say reception (even desserts and coffee at the church are fine) and cards/gifts would be appropriate. My friend’s son had easily 100 people at this recital which shocked her as well! And @“Mezzo’sMama” is spot on with being sure you have clear line of sight for videographer. You’ll want to record and have that as a keepsake!
And while my comment may have seemed “sassy”, I think most midwesterners would understand the importance of not getting too far away from the norm…or risk having 5 people (including your mother) show up with a “I told you so” attitude. Having a recital downtown (where people had to pay for parking) felt extravagant. It would have been OK at the local church…but all the way downtown…who did we think we were? So yes check local practices. My favorite comments from my east coast friends were:
“Why are the parties in the garage? People have beautiful homes but you have grad parties in the garage?” We did ours in the back yard as I don’t keep such a clean garage as many do here.
And on the positive side, “it’s so great to see the graduates really “host” the party.” The kid that I’ve watched for years who barely could make eye contact with me strides across the garage to shake my hand and welcome me to his party and then engages in polite chit chat. It’s a nice coming of age moment. But a simple speech at a recital could have the same effect (assuming that moment is important in your community).
The OP asked for accepted etiquette for a “senior recital” and, in that vein, I think it would be VERY rare for a graduation gift/card to be “frowned upon” even if not expected. As with any milestone celebratory event, if gifts are explicitly unwanted, the invitation would/should indicate this. Otherwise, if hosting, I would expect some gifts and, if invited, something to consider.