Harvard was the school with 40% going into finance or consulting. And the original poster’s brother went there. hence my reference.
Some majors have smaller more personal departments I think, at many schools. I think that can help.
"I think the competition I see in my sibling’s experience is more a factor of people being very focused on themselves and independent rather than looking outwards to the community " Some interesting perspectives here. My daughter commented at one point that she thought the science majors were more community oriented because they are so often working together in collaborative study groups whereas humanities students would tend to work alone. The only class she didn’t work collaboratively in was her one non-STEM class.
I’d trust your gut feeling here. If you’re not enthusiastic about small LACs, then move on. However, if you’re conflicted and tempted to take another look, I’d think about the individual LAC’s culture and personality, more so than its prestige factor.
I haven’t been to Pomona, but I would think the consortium would make it seem larger than a “stand alone” LAC. Williams is definitely insular (and definitely rural), but for my son that was the attractions. There was a palpable sense of fellowship and camaraderie among students and a lot of personal attention (nurturing if you will) from the faculty. That isn’t to say that selective LACs don’t have their fill of driven, high achieving students, but the interpersonal relationships and support systems go a long way in keeping the lid on stress.
I would also think about what you like to do in your non-academic time, which ECs you see yourself continuing in college. These can often make the difference between high anxiety and life balance. Williams was a good fit for my son because it offered three of his favorite pastimes: outdoorsy, nature driven activities, art focused activites and hanging out with small groups of friends. You’ll have your own favorites. Thinking about how you like to spend your non-class/study time can help you visualize a more normalized experience.
I think any top school will have high stress if you have a tendency towards anxiety. As far as Williams, my daughter never felt competitive stress but felt a lot of workload stress there. She enjoyed the environment there greatly, if you are more drawn to city life then it’s not for you. It really is quite isolated. LACs as part of a consortium may be the right choice for you. There’s nothing wrong with going down some pegs and picking a school where you would stand out more academically. Some people function better knowing they are at the top of the class.
I concur with the post above regarding the Claremont Consortium. Each individual college is small, but the entire community is comparable to a mid-sized institution. The southern California vibe somehow mitigates academic intensity. You can always request to live in the Pitzer dorms, which resemble a '60s motel surrounding a swimming pool.
My daughter is a student at Yale, and I would say that very little of her stress comes from her classes, or her major (English). The stress comes from being around super-active students who do a lot of different activities, and feeling that you have to do just as many in order to keep up. So it’s not cutthroat, and it’s not really a pressure cooker, really–but there is this impulse to be really busy, and that can wear a person out.
You need professional help, the sooner, the better. You cannot continue worrying about absolutely everything that you are trying to research or consider for decision. If cannot make a decision, just simply flip the coin and stop worrying, you do not need a heart attack at your age. Keep in mind that all this selectivity and such means nothing if you cannot perform because you worry all the time. Also, keep in mind that your future will depend ONLY ON YOU and not the name of your college. You will find a great variety of students at any place. So choosing your community is again UP TO YOU, nobody will prepare this plate for you. So, get help and get rid of your worries and choose ANY place that fits YOU the best and forget about selectivity and NAMES.
She doesn’t seem overly stressed - no more than the typical high school student aiming toward a competitive college. And her maturity and self-insight is amazing. Professional help - I don’t think so, that can make you more stressed. She is constructively researching options and gathering opinions. She can do the same with her counselors and parents and peers - professional help seems very pre-mature. Most seniors will tell you they are stressed and have issues sleeping. This gal seems on top of it enough to know if it becomes more serious.
This is an accurate description at a top college DS was at, I think.
For example, one female student DS knew about would routinely take 5 or even 6 classes every semester (most are demanding classes) even though the recommended/average course load is 4 in one semester and 5 in the next semester (or 4.5 every semester if you happen to have a 0.5-credit class like lab or some add-on but sort-of required class like the ear-training class when taking a composition theory class offered by the music department.) DS jokingly said she “did not sleep”. I heard she took a big break (for TWO years) after college before getting into her super-active mode again at a professional school in NYC. She actually did something meaningful in those two years, so she was not slack off (likely just super-active for something not directly related to academics.)
In DS’s gap year, he worked as a lab assistant. He actually commented that quite many students tend to load themselves with too much stuff (courses or ECs) and he considered this is actually a “flaw” for some students. (He actually got a little bit annoyed because one UG student joining their lab in that year did not spend enough time in the lab and then try to get other’s results as if they are her own. But since very kind PI agrees that she could “share” other’s results, he had no choice but share his results with her. She was a typical student who is “overloaded” in DS’s opinion.)
I guess occasionally DS would feel he was one of the “lazier” ones just because he was surrounded by so many super-active students (even though he was likely graduated in the top 5% of his class in the end, he could occasionally feel he is somewhat “inadequate”. In his freshman year, I think he thought at least two students in his freshman suite worked harder than him, even though I think he got all A’s in that year.)
Stress in college is inevitable, but you can control how much you have - by things like above posters have said - the major and how much you are over-involved in things. Choosing a college is a constant evaluation of trade-offs. Larger schools have the pizazz and more spirit perhaps, but they may have more struggles in terms of getting your classes, even getting your lunch with longer lines and chaos. Some would interpret that as dynamic, vibrant, and alive, others find it annoying and stressful. An LAC, smaller or a Jesuit type school, may educate using the the “whole person” approach and takes a personal interest in you, professors know you and the environment is more calm, but can certainly be academically stressful. Some find that perfect, others may find it boring or want to go through college more anonymously. You have to decide which aspects are important to you. I get the prestige factor, but as a criteria that has gotten way out of hand, as who you are at the end of your four years is way more up to you than the name of the college you attended. I would forget the “name” approach - you risk sounding cool for a month at the end of senior year, then finding yourself at a school that doesn’t fit. My senior already forgot where 99% of her classmates are going to college in August. The only thing that matters is that she is going to a college that is a good choice for her. Good luck!
Thank you all for your insights! @blueskies2day don’t worry too much 
I just want to make sure I prioritize my happiness over all else and wanted to get some more opinions. It seems like LACs are worth a shot if I can find one I really like (wish I could visit the Claremont Consortium, but the online tour will have to do for now). Other than that, who knows, maybe going to college and immediately being average instead of smart will be a blessing because “perfection” will be impossible anyways!
I did not see what major you might be interested in but I also think a state university might be good for you. A school that has good sports etc. might make you feel a part of the school. The University of Alabama and Auburn both give good scholarships if you have great test scores. I, too, was not great at managing stress but learned to be better at it when I went to college. Rice University is a great school that is hard to get into and Trinity University in San Antonio is also well-versed academically. But, you may like a school like Virginia Tech or a state school better. You may even get scholarship money which would help with the stress. Many schools like Oklahoma State and Baylor have free tutoring available in the event you get into a bind. Good luck.
I have a student that was admitted to Claremont but chose a different path… Great school(s) for sure, but it is in the middle of suburbia and 40 miles inland of LA, so not that charming feel of an EC school. Besides a strip mall down the road, there isn’t much of a college life except that found on campus. The collection of schools doesn’t make it feel big imo, so I am not sure that is what you are looking for from what you have said…the collection of schools doesn’t make it feel like a Duke. But no question it is an excellent education and should be for the price If you really want to go to CA, it is a good option to check into though. I would guess there are many comparable schools on the East Coast if you prefer to stay there.
The size of the school also has an impact, both in terms in numbers of students and the physical space you are in. My older son goes to a LAC which is on a small campus. He is at another campus this summer for classes and it takes him 25 minutes to walk from dorm to classroom and then to find food…I think for him this is stressful and time consuming. Your physical environment will impact your well being, so find a school that feels good for you.
Penn is not high stress unless you go to Wharton. However, if you really don’t want a “top 1%” experience, don’t go to a college where you are 50th percentile; look for those where you are at least 75th percentile on GPA and test scores.
I don’t mean that I want to be at a school where I am one of the best in terms of scores/stats. I actually meant that if I go to a “top ranked” school, there is no chance of me really being the best at anything, and that in itself removes the load of perfectionism, as the best would really be unattainable (there will always be some genius who is smarter/more talented than I am). I am looking into scholarships, as I expect NMSF next fall as well!
No Ivies then, because no scholarships.
Look into Alabama, everybody else seems to put them forward as great FA.
And if you want aid, you need to be the top 5% or so applying, so scratch going to a top school if you aren’t already tops.
Sorry if I wasn’t clear! I am looking into merit scholarships as safeties or in case family financials suddenly change, but I am not actually looking for any aid as a necessity
Strong students who attend competitive schools will experience some stress. Its intrinsic in who they are and what their goals are, both of which are fine. Its fine to be the middle of the top rather than the top of the middle. But if you are concerned about your ability to manage the stress, a smaller campus where someone might be more available to you for support might be a good idea. I went to a small school as did one of my s’s (less than 3K students). I didnt know everyone by a longshot and ditto for him as well. I agree about the idea of a consortium like the claremont colleges is a good thought. Have you considered schools with a residential college system?
" I am looking for a school with the prestige factor that my state school does not provide…"
I read your post as wanting all the “glory” that comes with being in a place with the most competitive students in the country but you don’t want the angst/anxiety that goes with it. Many students at those top 20 schools thrive in climates that are hyper competitive (not necessarily competitive with each other but where a high premium is placed on success when the odds are low-like if grades are curved or on academic teams in competitions). Those are the students who do well in that climate. Anxious students who have had (and needed) a ton of support at home to make top grades often tank when placed in those settings and left to their own devices (meaning not living with parents regardless of mental health services at the school) to access support. Even if they can access “comfort animals” and therapy, the supports are often not enough to overcome the basic problem-they are ill suited to be in such a high pressure environment. Some people thrive when the pressure is turned up while they are also ok with the idea that they might fail at times-and that’s ok. But perfectionistic students who can’t cope with that idea should choose a supportive college-either a large school where they are near the top of the curve in terms of credentials or a small LAC that is nurturing. The prestige factor is low even at a top 10 school if an approaching exam sends you into an anxiety attack while those around you seem to be able to cope well with mounting pressure. Why someone would put him or herself in that situation is beyond me. Wouldn’t it be better to be happy in a college that doesn’t make as good a bumper sticker but is supportive and academically strong then to be in a top 20 school in misery? You can always get a different kind of bumper sticker like “Keep calm; Carry on”.