I think you are right about, but do we have to be consistent about anything.
We are a dress casual family here. Not sweatshirts and jeans, but more like business casual (khakis/polo, etc).
Breakfast is in pjs or loungewear at the kitchen table.
Dinner is in either our “formal” dining room, or my parents’ with china, crystal and silver. I think it was quite possible that Thanksgiving and Christmas 2020 when it was just our family of six for the first time ever, that we were super casual and perhaps wore athleisure/sweats to the dinner table.
Last year, we were back to our regular family holidays with my parents and my brother’s family. We were once again wearing something a little nicer, but definitely not fancy.
BTW, when my kids were little and still listened to me 
, my girls always wore dresses and my boys wore khakis, button down and sweater. Once dinner was over, they changed into their pjs for the rest of the evening. They typically fell asleep on the ride home from my parents so that made it easier getting them to bed.
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We never did a formal breakfast on Christmas morning, so I guess I can’t speak to that??
I don’t think I ever think of breakfast as formal. Brunch - could be. JMO
But, we weren’t using china/crystal/Sterling for all meals, all day on Christmas either.
I think maybe I was not clear.
Yes, my nuclear family was always pretty formal on Christmas Eve. Dresses/coat and tie. I’m not advocating for that. I’m not desirous of, “formal,” with my dh’s family on Christmas Day. I just wish they didn’t show up in tired, faded jeans, oversized sloppy sweatshirts with high school or college logos, and tennis shoes. Not all of them do. What most of y’all are describing is how I wish everyone dressed. I just want smart casual.
I am quite certain I am the only one there who cares at all, so I need to get over it. It’s not my role to suggest a dress code - ha ha!
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Just wear what you like and don’t worry about the others. Bring on the bling if that’s what makes you feel festive!
In our family, I would say I am a step below smart casual, but a step above slubbing it. Some of the younger generation are definitely wearing logos and sloppy sweatshirts, while my mother-in-law probably has on some of her finery.
Everybody can do their own thang and that’s what makes it beautiful, y’know? You be you! Maybe they will follow your example and feel like getting festive in their own ways and move from a college sweatshirt to a Holiday sweatshirt!
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You like to dress up and that is great. Many don’t. As long as people show up that I want to be with for a holiday and look half way decent (not naked or smelly), I’m good. I just don’t care about the way people are dressing that much. 
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I guess my thoughts on high school / college logos would depend. For example, if a proud Grandparent or Parent (or student) were wearing a sweatshirt from grandkid’s college … I’d be ok with that.
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We all put in a bit more effort. Guys are more business casual look and I will wear a “jazzy” top
My Mom and my aunts really looked great during Xmas…not dresses, but decked out in pretty outfits and fun costume jewelry. I loved that we all looked a bit more dressy when celebrating. It made it more festive.
I really miss all of them. We’d push the furniture back and dance. We were a dancing family.
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Breakfast wasn’t “formal” but we used the nice tableware, and ate in the dining room. We still do.
As someone whose brother was rarely able to muster the mental strength to come for dinner, I don’t care if you come in a bathrobe or a tuxedo … just come. When he showed up, it was wonderful. He often missed holidays and other get togethers. We all miss him.
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I’m sorry. That sounds hard.
I realize my complaint is a small frustration compared to those who have significant struggles and issues, whether during the holidays or other times.
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I love the situations you bring here to CC for us to discuss - we all have different erks and standards and wants and desires! No one is “right” and there are lots of in-betweens!
But I think what @kelsmom says is true for many of us. I would be fine with everyone wearing a fleece onesie if it means we can be together AND that people want to be there.
@Hoggirl do you feel that YOU are an outcast or that others there look at you differently because you do dress up a bit more? Again, if so, just tell everyone they look great and that for you, it’s a pick me up to dress for the occasion.
OR try dressing down one year! If you dressed equally as others would you maybe relax a bit more for the day and enjoy yourself??
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I don’t feel like an outcast. I already do tone it down from what I would like to wear. I am usually commensurate with mil with my dress - black dress pants or nice jeans and a sweater. I have worn a casual dress and flat, tall boots in the past.
I am sure there are layers of things going on with my complaining about this. We are always with dh’s family on holidays, so there is this underlying, ongoing reminder that I am not with my family of origin. And, my family would have done things differently.
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This really resonated with me. Sending hugs!
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I think it’s a fun topic actually. I haven’t read who wrote what, and just have read a few replies. I’d like to say to some of you who wrote something like “we are happy people come whether in PJ’s or not”.
Well, why wouldn’t you think we who enjoy dressing up don’t have the same sentiments? Of course we want people to be comfortable and come.
So the question is FOR YOU, which does your family do and what would you prefer if everyone was in agreement also? No wrong answer.
I think it’s just a fun thread about our families and preferences…not that we are unhappy per se in how one dresses.
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Nice/casual is the dress for our family/friends on Thanksgiving. We usually go to our vacation place for Tday and my kids/spouses and other guests under 40 (with an occasional exception) all do the Turkey Plunge on Thanksgiving morning, i.,e., they jump into the Atlantic Ocean and pay to do so (all the money for registration goes to the local library). Everyone comes back and showers and usually wears something warm. I have never done the plunge—the Atlantic Ocean is very cold in my part of NE in November. Maybe I will do it when I’m 80 and get an award as the oldest plunger!!
I have lots of beautiful china and silver (from my Mom) that I use for every holiday—I cringe at the thought of paper plates. Back in the day my aunt worked at Marshall Field’s in Chicago (now Macy’s) and she got a discount on everything; my Mom saved up to buy all sorts of china/silver (at a discount courtesy of her sister). She was thrilled with it all, so I use everything as a tribute to her.
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What does my family do and what would I prefer?
Again, we dress clean and casual. We dress for the day’s activities - cooking, cleaning up, playing board games often while sitting on the carpet, we might take a nice walk. Our clothes reflect, I think, all of our personalities. I would prefer nothing different.
I think sometimes people don’t get that even someone dressed in their Athleta activewear - perfectly covered and appropriate - actually IS a style. It can be the preferred style and reflects the personality of the wearer.
If the hosting house requested “dressing up” I guess I’d do it but I wouldn’t love it and honestly for me, I’d feel like I was dressing for work. Not a fun family function.
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I guess the big question is…what does “dressing up” mean these days? It used to mean that women wore dresses and heels, and men wore suits. I’m not sure that’s the case anymore.
For “dressing up” we wear slacks or even black jeans, and a nice top (women). Men typically wear some kind of khaki slacks and a sweater and shirt.
The only time we get way more dressed up is when we attend a wedding.
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Your description is exactly what I am talking about. And women maybe also in a casual dress or skirt. But slacks or darker wash jeans - yes.
Not, “I am ready to go work in the yard.”
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Yeah, that movie is always playing in my head this time of year too.
When my parents’ health began to fail (when my kids were toddlers) and since my parents’ deaths (almost 10 years ago now— they were in their 80s) I just really do not love the holidays.
I find it very stressful and really would not mind skipping Thanksgiving and Christmas and jumping straight to New Years.
As a mom and the main bringer of the festivities I want everyone to be happy at Christmas and want to get everyone the perfect gift but I have a lot of nostalgia for Christmases past I miss my folks and my relationships with my siblings are not that great compared to what they were when my folks were in good health (a lot of conflict during their decline). But my grown kids don’t know any of that and enjoy our Christmas traditions so I don’t want to lay that on them and bring them down. I’d love to just go somewhere else for Christmas and pretend it’s not a thing, but they like to stay at home and they enjoy how we celebrate. I would still be stressed out if we went somewhere else anyway.
And then there’s always a layer of awkwardness seeing relatives we don’t see that often and going to a “party” (always stressful for introverts like myself). I do want to see the relatives and want my grown kids to see them but it feels a bit forced. If I had to get dressed up for it that would probably send me around the bend.
So I say let people wear what they want. It might be part of their traditions to lay around in their PJs all day and wearing a college sweatshirt gives them a taste of that.
Also, I just hate winter in general. I’m a summer person!
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