I have an etiquette question about a holiday gift. I have several nieces and nephews and have always sent them a birthday gift and a small Xmas gift. One of my nephews was married this past year and so I’m wondering about who I should give the Xmas gift to. Should it be to the couple, or to my relative?
If I wanted to give to my relative, I would also give to their spouse. I wouldn’t just give to the relative.
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To the couple. Or at least gifts for both, unless you want the spouse to feel excluded from the family.
My nephew got engaged this year (lives with fiancée). I’ll be gifting them a dual membership to a nearby botanic garden. I checked with the garden to make sure either wasn’t already a member.
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For our S, I’m giving gifts for the fiancée and separate gifts to S. (They live together as well.). I had thought of a couple gift but then decided to give each of them separate gifts.
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We always give to the couple. A way of being welcoming to the family.
Kids are different. But both the kid and their spouse get gifts.
For a niece or nephew, the gift is for both of them
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If you choose to gift, it’s to both.
But in many families, my own included, nieces and nephews are on a timer for holiday gifts. Once they turn 18, the Santa train makes its final stop.
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Another vote for gifting for the couple. When I was newly married, my H’s aunts used to give him elaborate gifts and I would get a flea market find. It was really obvious and frankly awkward. My inlaws were mortified.
Our family has gifts on timers too - as soon as the next generation comes along the gifting shifts to the kids and the adults stop getting gifts.
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Until our kids came along, my husband’s aunt and uncle would typically gift us a couple gift and that was very nice and thoughtful. Once or twice, they found something that was a perfect gift that was clearly just for him, and gave me something nice but generic. It never bothered me and I was glad they thought to give me something.
But that might have just been compared to my husband’s father. He still to this day, never acknowledges me at Christmas. 
He will give my husband a nice gift and if I’m lucky (?) I will get a verbal “Merry Christmas, < Insert wrong name!>.” But, you know, we’ve only been married for 20 years, and together longer than that, so who could expect him to adapt so quickly. 
LOL I would like to stop gifting adult nephew and niece but my brother and wife keep sending substantial gifts to our son. All three kids have birthdays around this time of year so gifts are often combined birthday/Chanukah. I don’t want to look too cheap.
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We agreed with sil last Christmas that we would stop gifting this year to all the nieces/nephews.
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Some things to think about, thanks to all. Reading the comments I think I’m leaning towards just sending the couple a card.
My nieces and nephews are now college-age to late twenties. When they were younger I would send them $10 (raised a few years ago to $20) for the holidays in the thought that in addition to the card it would be a small gift they could spend as they wished. As I think it over it doesn’t really feel right to send the married nephew alone (or the couple) a small sum of money. We did send them a nice wedding gift but I’m now thinking the small money gifts that teenagers and college kids might appreciate no longer fit the circumstances.
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I think a card with a nice message is a great idea.
You have to break the tradition at some point. I think marriage is a great point.
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We stopped sending nieces and nephews birthday gifts at high school graduation and Christmas gifts at college graduation. We tried to have the conversation with our sibs early and framed more as “we don’t want the kids to worry about exchanging gifts with us now that they are adults.”
Made the mistake of not thinking this out ahead of time and got caught up exchanging gifts with oldest nephew for several years. Then one Christmas I got the boxes in the mail and realized I had bought gifts for 21 people and was exhausted and hadn’t even got a thing for my own husband or children. Enough is enough.
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We have tried to stop most non-immediate family gift giving, but haven’t been successful with husband’s siblings and their kids. We typically do restaurant GCs for couples once they are engaged or living together.
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You could send lottery tickets. They may get lucky–and share with you.
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DH’s grandmother always gave lottery tickets, and it was a huge hit. We put them in Christmas cards to nieces, nephews, etc.
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It’s always been difficult; we have 2 nieces and 3 nephews. The oldest nephew just got married this fall. The oldest niece just graduated college in the spring and has moved into her first adult apartment. DD is an only child, so the output has always been lopsided. Meaning they only have 1 niece to buy for. The other 3 are still in college, but the older 2 are the ones we’re closest too. I was thinking about just ending it at college graduation, but its awkward since they will be together with eachother for Christmas. This is how gift giving becomes anxiety inducing 