<p>Is it customary to give a gift to the dorm parent? Advisor? Teachers?</p>
<p>There is a lot less gift giving in Boarding School than there is in private day schools. In both cases, it’s completely unnecessary. We are paid professionals who do our jobs without any expectation of extra compensation from parents–in some cases for parents, the tutition is already enough of a stretch, and there’s no need to enter a gift-giving arms-race on top of it.
I’ve had this discussion many times with my fellow teachers; we acknowledge the generosity of the thought behind a gift, but for the most part, if you don’t know the teacher/advisor/dorm parent in question, it’s a shot in the dark about his/her taste. Among my friends, we smile because of the class difference between many gift-giving parents and ourselves: lots of ornate crystal vases, designer silk scarves and ties, elaborate pen and desk sets, fancy soaps and perfumes, expensive cigars in wooden boxes, decorative plates and bowls…it’s beautiful stuff, but I have a hard time incorporating it into my home and life because it sticks out like the fancy cousin come a visitin’ from the big city. I should also mention the scourge of every teacher in the Arts Department: gifts in the shape of the subject they teach. I used to know a theater director who secretly loathed “comedy/tragedy masks,” and a music teacher who sadly pointed out “everything people have given me has music notes on it. All of it.” Ditto for math teachers who get too many gifts covered in numbers. If all you know about the teacher is that your kid likes him and he teaches subject X, it’s enough to be happy that your kid likes his teacher.</p>
<p>And then we feel guilty for taking all this stuff (which is usually a genuine statement of thanks from the parents of the students we love and enjoy teaching) to the Goodwill, or re-selling it on EBay, or re-gifting it. Or we feel so guilty about not loving the gifts that we stash them in ever-increasing stacks in our closets for years. And when the gifts come from parents of kids who make our lives unpleasant, we feel a little like we’re “the help,” and that a gift is meant to assuage weeks of bad treatment.</p>
<p>The pretty-much universal favorite gift of teachers? Gift Certificates. True, there’s the whole icky fact that the amount is there upfront, but any amount seems generous to us, because we do not expect or want anything. Teachers as a whole will look at a $20 gift certificate and think that it’s a generous gift. (Especially if it’s for a local book store.) Most teachers also enjoy a bottle of wine or box of chocolates as a gift, except that it ruins the illusion that teachers are teetotaling pure folks who have no vices at all.</p>
<p>So parents, skip the gifts, and do it with a clear conscience. If your kid tells you s/he loves his teacher, tell him/her to get that teacher a gift. It’s a wonderful and funny phenomenon to watch as the years pass at a school as you stop getting fancy things from parents and instead get flooded with handemade or small tokens from the kids themselves. I will always remember when a new teacher friend of mine came into my classroom in my 6th year at a school, carrying part of his epensive, parent-driven stash. He looked at my desk, covered in homemade cookies and CD mixes, cards and pairs of silly socks (?) and said “So that’s the sign that I’ve made it as a teacher–when the kids give me stuff because they want to rather than their parents doing it because they are well-bred?”</p>
<p>Well, that undervalues the genuine appreciation that most gift-giving parents actually feel, but there’s nothing better than a student-driven haul.</p>
<p>Thank you, Albion! Your essay helps a great deal!</p>
<p>I do want to point out, though, that chocolate is not a vice. ;)</p>
<p>Our BS sent out a letter to inform parents that they could send a gift (optional) under $100 for the faculty grab bag. I’m donating a gas gift card.</p>
<p>I have a teacher friend who told me she loves to get Christmas ornaments and every year she thinks of the particular students as she puts their ornaments on her tree. Albion, I hope other teachers agree, because that is what we do!</p>
<p>I don’t think it was necessary, but last year we gave our kid’s adviser a small gift box with fair trade chocolate bars, a Christmas ornament, and some other small item from our church’s SERRV sale–and a note of thanks for all the specific things he had done to help us all over the first half of the year. We probably won’t gift anyone this year, and I don’t get the sense that it’s expected at all; last year,we were just really feeling grateful for all he had done for our son. Anyway, I like to support SERRV and the fair trade chocolatiers, so it really wouldn’t bother me if the whole thing was regifted or donated. I forgot about the gift card though–always what I’d give day care providers. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m not going to try to compete with wealthier families–for me, as a teacher, a note of appreciation is always what matters most–but chocolate makes me happy too!</p>
<p>Tree Ornaments are great for those teachers who celebrate Christmas because they are small and have a specific time and place. Fair Trade chocolate/coffee are also great because…well…most teachers are the kinds of folks that notice and appreciate Fair Trade. Genuine notes of thanks are actually the best of all. But no parent should feel like it’s an unspoken rule to gift.</p>
<p>But in case you want a peek inside the Hall of Fame of Parental Gift Nightmares–mine includes a $1000 bill from a royal parent whose son was a D student, (Since we cannot accept cash gifts, imagine the fun I had trying to give that back without insulting the prince!) I also was once given a giant Waterford crystal basket (which is funny if you know me.) A Jewish friend of mine counts an ornate serving plate with a scene of Baby Jesus in the manger as his oddest gift.</p>
<p>Albion–too funny. When I was teaching high school, we always had a fun holiday party where we exchanged tacky presents–one of those gift exchanges where when your name is drawn, you can choose a gift from the pile and then trade it out for something someone else just got. I’m imagining the boarding school school version–instead of the glow-in-the dark Rudolph, you trading out Waterford crystal for silk scarves.</p>
<p>We generally go with coffee…the fuel card for the academic lifestyle. :)</p>
<p>We’ve traditionally done chocolate or a gift card because I believe in showing appreciation for teachers. This year, D, a junior, is in charge to pick out a book for advisor and fav. teachers. It has been a good way to make sure she develops a close enough rapport with teachers to know what they are into reading.</p>