The holidays are difficult for lots of people.
If you’re one of the people that are blessed to not be struggling maybe you can reach out to someone who is.
I am one who fakes it through this upcoming season - though it has gotten “easier” as I’ve gotten older.
very true – we usually attend a “blue Christmas” service and it’s been good to be somewhere that doesn’t pile on the merry merry.
if you know people who have struggled this year, send them a note to say you are thinking of them. It can make all the difference
Sending hugs. My family does not celebrate Christmas and many of us try to normalize “Gee, it’s cold in December” instead of making EVERYTHING about the Ho-ho-ho. I don’t get offended when a clerk in a store wishes me a Merry Christmas but it pains me to think about people who DO celebrate Christmas, and whose holiday is NOT merry. Sometimes it’s ok to just be a human even in December.
I hope you have people IRL who like to do non-holiday things with you at this time of year. Hug and a kiss!
I do, thank you. And it really has gotten “easier” over the years, but yep, still sort of hold my breath for the next 7 weeks.
I’m sorry for folks who have suffered losses and miss loved ones at this time of year.
Definitely not my favorite time of year, either, and I don’t really have an excuse for not liking it much any more. My parents are gone now, but a lot of people my age are in that same boat. My kids are healthy young adults. My husband is healthy. I just really don’t love the holidays. Give me Halloween instead! I used to love the holidays as a kid and young adult and the first few years when my kids were little, but then my parents’ health started to decline and it just became really stressful and sad.
I also just hate winter in general.
One of these years I’m just gonna pack up and go somewhere else like a tropical island.
Hope those of you who are having a tough time take some time to take care of yourselves. Order in Chinese! Go to the movies!
I think vitamin D and exercise helps me this time of year, too, and talk to your friends or even the cashiers at the stores, and get off the computer! If you have the energy to volunteer somewhere that can be good for your mental health, but even something like buying the order for the person in line behind you at Starbucks and leaving a big tip, can give you and them a little boost.
This too shall pass and it will be January and 2023 soon!
I am sure it doesn’t help that the Christmas season seems to have started already!
When I was 5, my mom’s father died on Christmas Day. My mom had a rough time every year when the holidays rolled around, although she never let her five kids know. She shared the truth with me when I was older. I felt so bad for her … years of pretending to be happy had to be difficult.
Do you remember when some retailers refused to put out the decorations until the day before Thanksgiving? Seems like this year it’s been “Holiday season” since Labor Day.
My heart goes out to people who are not in a position to be celebratory for such a protracted period of time.
My best friend was widowed after they battled cancer and healthcare systems. To avoid Christmas , she took a long awaited trip to the other side of the globe.
Walked in the resort lobby, and it was utterly covered in Christmas decor…she sent me a text and said she wanted to come home and hide, but we convinced her to stay. I think it is better for those of us who aren’t struggling as much to keep an eye on the others, rather than expecting them to just avoid things.
For years I have been very bothered by the hype of the holidays and all the focus on spending, celebrating very big, decorating to the max, etc. I know that is some people’s MO, and that is fine but I always want to recognize - and it’s also true for me - that the holidays are both the most celebrated time of the year for some and the most lonely time of the year for so many.
It has taken time, but I have given myself grace to low-key many aspects of November and December. Decorating. Streamlining Christmas giving. No holiday cards. Only the most treasured baking items. What gets done does, what doesn’t is fine.
I support the ideas above to also focus on giving or doing for others no matter what your situation is during the holidays. It will make it much more meaningful. The note to someone who might be alone or not exchange gifts with anyone. Volunteering your time for those who need some help/support or giving of $$$ to help others. Doing a food or coat drive amongst your family/friends.
Giving comes in so many forms, the BEST of which is not monetary, but with human compassion in place.
H’s fraternity brother lost his wife this past weekend. It’s the first spousal death among the very close-knit brothers. They are all devastated & have expressed concern about how their friend will fare through the holidays. It’s a difficult time of year when dealing with loss. Blue Christmas services are great for those who would be comforted in a religious setting.
My life is full but I do remember a couple of years when I was working before grad school or before finishing grad school and had broken up with GFs and the holiday seasons were very lonely. I don’t know if there was much support or if there is now.
As Jews, when I was a kid, everything shut down for Christmas and the TV stations played Christmas shows all day (except, I think, for football or was that Thanksgiving), it did feel isolating. Now, we celebrate Jewish Christmas every year – movies and Chinese restaurants. In the old days, the movie theaters were largely empty on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. No longer. I don’t think it is all Jews. Chinese restaurants are often absolutely packed now. I am guessing that Christians are now partaking in Jewish Christmas. Happy to share, especially with someone who is feeling lonely.
It can be very hard. I have had years I just wanted to escape. I sent my young adult children to their aunt’s one Christmas just because it was too hard on me that year and I did have to work most of the holiday that year. When you have kids that struggle from mental illness, or drugs or have failing parents, or so many other situations it can make the season so much less than merry. We went away one Christmas to get away and the problems just followed us. It didn’t really help. Hugs to all going through this. I know this Christmas will be mixed feelings. My grandson that lives with us will make it fun but he may have to go spend Christmas with his father for the second year in a row which will make my daughter very upset. Legal is trying to make this not happen but things move so slowly! Hugs to everyone.
Yes! I remember that too! I love the holidays, but come on! It seems like Halloween and Thanksgiving get pushed aside. Our local Costco and Lowe’s had Christmas stuff out at the beginning of October. Then again, they had Halloween stuff out in July…
I feel the same! I love the holidays, but for a lot of people it can be a difficult time. H’s sister lost her husband right before Thanksgiving a few years ago, so Thanksgiving can be a hard time for her. Luckily, she has lots of friends and all of her family lives near her, so she always has a place to go for the holidays. And she likes to travel, so sometimes she’ll go on a nice trip.
I do feel like nowadays we really hype up the holidays. I think social media has played a part in that. The holidays should be fun, not filled with stress trying to have a Pinterest and Instagram perfect holiday. Plus, to some it can feel like there is something wrong with you if you aren’t having a fun over the top holiday…and that can hurt.
I’m not looking forward to this holiday season because my son will most likely be hospitalized the whole time. Even Thanksgiving is hard, although we did have a nice early celebration yesterday since my daughter is going out of state to visit friends. I don’t think I will put up a Christmas tree this year. We will try to think of some fun things to do. We’re going to a matinee play on Christmas Eve. Not sure if we’ll go to our church’s service that evening.
Maine, hugs to you. Our synagogue cooks, bakes, and delivers meals to first responders on Thanksgiving and Christmas… just in case you are looking for something meaningful to do where you don’t have to pretend to be joyous, the firehouses, police stations, and ER’s are filled with dedicated professionals- some of whom are happy to be at work to avoid the ho-ho-ho, some of whom WISH they were home.
Even just dropping off a cookie tray for the paramedics… they appreciate being recognized, and it’s a low emotion way to participate in the holiday…
I hope your son makes progress…
I also think many of us consciously or unconsciously feel pressure to create the “perfect” Martha Stewart/Norman Rockwell season. Social media and Hallmark movies and TV commercials don’t help, when they are full of images of happy, stable, functional families who all seem to enjoy each others’ company and have carefully curated Christmas decor.
Even as I know intellectually that these images and posts are more fake than real, it can get in your head.
@surfcity, All of this! Yes! I think it’s like the body image stuff with women. There are so many different ways to be a woman and you don’t have to look like Barbie. I think we are finally getting somewhere with some of that. There are many different ways to do the holidays, too, and many different holidays to do or not do. It doesn’t have to look like Norman Rockwell or a Hallmark movie. If you like to eat Chinese and go to a movie, go for it!
@MaineLonghorn, I’m sorry. My good friend’s daughter has thyroid cancer and will be having surgery between Christmas and New Years. This season is going to be non-stop appointments and prep for them.
