Hi, I’d appreciate some opinions, given our circumstances. My son applied to 4 schools, two all-boys, two co-ed. He has been pretty clear since early in 7th grade that he wanted to go to an all-boys’ school, but we (and others) suggested he look at co-ed schools as well, just so he didn’t have second thoughts later, and because who knows about acceptances. One of the boys’ schools has been his clear favorite all along; during the last 3-4 weeks before M10, it was the only school he ever mentioned specifically – “I really hope I get into XX school.” He was accepted to all 4. It was pretty easy for him to say that he definitely wouldn’t go to either co-ed schools, and we declined. We had a family discussion last Sunday, and he said (and has said consistently since) that he is going to the #1 school. But he said he wants to revisit #2 school, which is the following day. At the same time, he pretty much ignores (or reads reluctantly) the mail and messages he receives from #2 school.
I know there are good reasons to re-visit two schools, even if we have a very strong feeling about one. However, I’m not sure why we would do it. We have visited both schools several times – #1 school we visited twice in 7th grade, a drive-by last summer, this year for his interview, plus a shadow day (plus he’s been on the campus other times for DS#2’s hockey games). He went to two open houses, his interview, and a shadow day with a friend at #2 school (and there too we’ve been to the campus a lot). I know we will get a lot of information at re-visits, but we have gotten a lot of information, and my son is good at listening to his gut. Plus, there’s a rare consensus among him and us parents. I’m worried that going to the #2 school re-visit will get him all conflicted again at the 11th hour. We will go to the #1 school revisit in any case, and I told him I am bringing my checkbook and we can accept while he is there if he wants. Any thoughts from the experts?
We had the same situation. Son was accepted and his #1 and #2 school. Looking at several publications that ranked schools his #2 choice was ranked higher than #1. We did revisits at both, #2 first and he loved the school and said it was going to be hard to choose. We did revisit to #1 choice last and before we left he said to us he made his choice and it was #1. We too had visited both schools before acceptance, but I think for him doing the revisit solidified that he was making right choice. He’s at his #1 choice now and loves it. I’ve asked if he regrets his decision and he said ‘nope, I’m where I should be.’ While I personally thought #2 school was a better fit, we let him make his choice as he’s the one that was going to be there the next 4yrs.
@CTMom21, if it were my child, I would revisit #1 choice first, and the purpose of the revisit would be to reaffirm everyone’s feeling that this would be a good, safe, comfortable place for 4 years. If there are no red flags or last-minute concerns during the revisit, I would write a deposit check, cut the trip short, and go celebrate. That’s what we did last year, but you should do what works best for your family, of course.
Thank you both! DS would have preferred to visit #1 last, but that’s just not the way the schedule worked. Both are in-state, so making or canceling a visit is no big deal. I am expecting things to work out the way @GoatMama has described. It’s largely my husband who feels it’s smart to do the #2 revisit, but I think that we will all know when the time comes. Thanks very much!
I would say your family has spent enough time on campus to commit to #1 without qualms. (This is unusual for me.)
Is there a realistic chance your son will change his preference? I wonder if notifying school #2 that you will not attend revisits might not free up a spot for some other applicant on a waitlist more quickly than otherwise.
After all, he’s had shadow days at both schools. (Which boarding schools usually don’t do; it’s more a day school thing.) I don’t think a revisit day will suddenly change his opinion.
@GoatMama - Is this implying that many parents write the deposit check AT revisit day?
And OP, I agree with Goatmama’s recommendation.
@sunnyschool, that I don’t know for sure. Anything I’d say would be a hearsay. As for us, we committed at the end of the revisit day but paid the (very small) deposit online when we got home.
Well, my son just said to me that he just wants to go to #1 school and has no reservations. I really do not either, except my conscience saying that the “right” thing to do is to re-visit both. However, if he suddenly wanted to go to #2 school, I’d seriously question his decision given how certain he has been. I told him to think about it and make sure it’s HIS decision and then to let us know. I think he’s like me in wanting to have a decision made and then move on. So we’ll see. (And he’s very excited for the re-visit at #1 school.) Thanks all!
My son went to revisit day #1 and then said there was no point in going to revisit #2. We went to the school store and bought the sweatshirt, came home and mailed in the deposit check that day.
I think sometimes the revisits are about seeing who the prospective classmates are. I also look at it as a preemptive strike. There may be times next fall when he has second thoughts and will wonder if he should have chosen #2. Since you are in state I’d still do both visits.
I agree with @GoatMama, who always gives good advice! 
That’s what we did – went to revisit #1, and paid the deposit. We had RSVPd to revisit at #2, but after the first one reaffirmed her feelings about school #1, we decided we were done.
I’m all for visiting more than one school, if only to reinforce you are making the right decision with first choice, and to answer any “what ifs” and nip them in the bud.
I guess a lot comes down to one’s personality and decision making style. I’m the type that likes to research and check out my options before making a final decision. Cars, houses, vacations, kids’ education…I handle it all that way.
Thanks all! My son made his official decision over the weekend – he’s going to Salisbury. No need to re-visit #2. I would probably feel differently if we hadn’t visited both schools several times already (including shadow days at both), but he was very clear and had been pretty much all along. If I had any reservations about any of the schools, it was probably about his #2; if any of us had any reservations about #1, we would have visited both. Probably not the “right” way to go about it, but we’re all excited and looking forward to revisiting next week. Thanks 
@CTMom21 congrats! How exciting! This process is grueling and it must feel nice to have the decision made. Now you can get excited.
@bc12345 - Thank you, and yes – exactly!
Congratulations @CTMom21 !
Thank you all @GoatMama, @AppleNotFar and @carpoolingma! This was definitely the way to go.
I freaked out a bit yesterday, not really about sending him off to school, but about how we’ll be doing this again in 4 years for college, and then he’ll be an adult…Trying to remember to enjoy every day this spring and summer. Sniff sniff.
Congrats @CTMom21 ! We know a few boys at Salisbury and they are really happy there.
My son had a very clear ranking as well, going into M10. After his acceptances he seems to have shuffled things around a bit. As a result we will be going to three revisits and will remain on two wait-lists. He is very very happy with his options, but now that it’s all “real” he’s decided to take some more time to figure it all out. We weren’t able to visit the schools more than once (for the interview/tour) because we saw 12 and applied to 9. So now that the list is narrowed I think that we need more time & information to make a choice.
