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Re: Frats. I assume your problem with frats and sororities is especially related to drinking (?). Or, is it more related to the idea of being "selected" for something exclusive.
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<p>Both. But, the pragmatic concern trumps the philosophical concern! The binge drinking rates and hazing practices in frats and sororities nationwide are just staggering -- notwithstanding the nonsense PR that comes out of the Greek councils.</p>
<p>I am aware of the very different traditions in Af-Am fraternities. I am unqualified to offer any opinion and I might well come to a different conclusion than I would for a white son or daughter, if I were qualified. I only raised the issue because it is ultimately related to issue you raised (housing, de facto segregation, etc.) and because, whatever your thinking may be, it's probably important to lay the groundwork sooner rather than later. In other words, if I were going to forbid my D from rushing a sorority, I would need to be clear about that with her up-front, not ambush her months down the road.</p>
<p>I sense from your post that the housing forms may have triggered a real dialog with your son on a level different than parent-child -- as it did in our house. I could be wrong, but I think it's helpful to our kids when that dialog occurs -- especially on issues where there is no clear-cut right or wrong answer. More of a "I don't know for sure what I think, what do you think about this?"</p>
<p>ew, does tend to draw a quieter crowd that are probably less inclined to be big time drinkers/smokers. In D's building there are the 3rd & 4th 4th floors are all freshmen. It probably the same in the other 3 buildings. while on my D's floor they are a very cohesive group, she has lots of friends outside of the cluster as many oth her good friends live in the River and the Choates. </p>
<p>Sometimes during the cold winter, I think they may be too lazy to venture out of the cluster because they complain that is so far from everything. As a parent, I was extremely happy that D had her first year experience there.</p>
<p>If she likes the atmosphere there, she should definitely apply. the first page of the returning student application is almost identical to the new student application -the same questions.</p>
<p>I think that substance free is defined by the individual school. At Virginia Tech you have to sign a pledge to live a totally substance free lifestyle. They state clearly that if you are found intoxicated in this dorm that you will be removed to other housing. So, it's not just a matter of no alcohol or drugs in the building, but a matter of sober students choosing to live together.</p>
<p>Just because a student chooses affinity housing like AA housing doesn't mean that his college experience will be significantly segregated, especially for African Americans. After all, what is the total population of AAs in the residential hall or at the college? Are there other affinity groups in the dorm?</p>
<p>I agree. In this case, we're talking about a school where the AfAm population is something like 6-7%. Regardless of where you live, it's kind of hard to segregate when you're in such a small minority. What worries me is the possibility that the Affinity Housing might draw enough black students to leave almost none to populate the rest of the dorms. Now THAT is a segregation problem....segregation AWAY from other AfAms. My son has met three other AfAms who will be freshmen in the fall. It seems that the ideal situation would be for him to ask to be roomed with one of them, but in the general dorms. I've suggested it, but he dismissed the idea.</p>
<p>I'm afraid that he might go days without seeing another black student.</p>
<p>Back to the singles question. I wish it were possible at all colleges to have the option of living in a single. I have one child through with college who had a really rough time with a roommate freshman year, girl was up typing until 4 a.m. every single night. That, plus the RM's really negative attitude toward life, literally caused my D deep distress, and colored her whole first year. Mercifully, she was able to change after one year, had a good roommate the second year, and got singles for the last two years. The singles were a blessing! </p>
<p>I think college kids have ample opportunities to bond through other activities, and living with someone (including my very messy son) is not likely to make college a lot better for someone. I told son there was no need for him to have a rug in school as he can just walk around on his shirts and jeans to keep his feet warm.</p>
<p>" I told son there was no need for him to have a rug in school as he can just walk around on his shirts and jeans to keep his feet warm."</p>
<p>Ahhh....if your son and my son ever wind up at the same school they should room together! Rug? Nah.....these boys would have a deep, plush carpet........heck, they might not even need beds.....just lay on the pile on the floor and you're good!</p>
<p>If they had triple with my son, the piles would be surrounded by glorious sunflowers - DS is fond of sunflower seeds, but not of disposing of the shells. I am sure spontaneous generation will occur some day!</p>
<p>Although the forms won't be coming for another couple weeks, my DD has already decided - substance free ( she has not interst in smoking, drugs or drinking) and a roommate. My DD is very shy, and does not make efforts to meet others, so a roommate would make her feel that she knows at least one other person, and give her a comfort zone. Once she gets to know someone, she is comfortable. That's why she has difficulties shining in interviews. Small talk just isn't her thing. She accepts this, and I do too. If your child is very social. having a roommate won't matter - if they are shy a roommate may let them feel like they are not alone.</p>
<p>evitajr1 - good point about shy kids and roommates. </p>
<p>momofthree, Ohio and EK- I can just see our three sons and EK's D, relaxing on their piles of clothing, feet up on another pile, drinks resting on small piles.......and sunflowers in full bloom all around the room! HEAVEN for them! My son says his mess makes him feel "cozy".</p>
<p>luckily my daughters room mate this year has aspergers- well not lucky he has aspergers but it does make him need to have order- he does know what hes getting into anyway- and they will have seperate rooms-
I am envisioning him telling her "just keep your door closed!"</p>