I definitely got some practice managing my anxiety when my S studied abroad during the spring of 2022 (junior year). He didn’t do a ton of travel outside of Spain during the semester, but he did go to Bulgaria the weekend after the war in Ukraine began, which didn’t thrill me. He also had some surfing adventures in Barcelona and northern Spain. The real stress came at the end of the semester. He traveled through Italy for 10 days with friends and that felt reasonable. However, he then did a solo trip through Egypt for 10 days while others were telling me, “No! Don’t let him do that! We had to have armed guards with us when we were in Egypt!”.
Well he survived that and made it through senior year ok, but he asked for a January start date with his post-college company and is using his internship money to travel, surf, and learn Italian. I thought my experience last year would have me well prepared, but he definitely likes to push himself (and me in the process ). It started with spending a month surfing in a small town in Morocco with his phone mostly turned off (wanting to disconnect ). Then he had a low key month in Florence along with a couple other adventures.
I felt like I was doing pretty well until the new plan emerged. Last week he flew to Istanbul, made his way on buses to southern Turkey, and is now hiking the Lycian Way. It is a trail which is over 500 km and takes about 30 days to travel - has lots of ancient cities and historical sights. It looks very beautiful along the coast, but it also goes through some mountains. He’s got a tent and there are villages along the way for food and supplies. Anyway, I’m super happy for him that he is experiencing the world and taking on these challenges, especially before the work grind starts, but why does he have to do it by himself? It’s not easy managing the worry at times. Any other parents out there with adventurous kids? Happy to hear any of your stories and what helped ease your fears.
It’s time to tell yourself over and over that your son is an adult. Say it enough that you eventually begin to let go of your anxiety and begin to appreciate his adventurous spirit. Clearly, he is a very self sufficient young man, which means that you raised him well. We all want our kids to be happy, and your kid seems to be happy. That’s awesome!
D23 and your son sound very similar - she traveled all over the place during her year+ abroad and did activities that made my hair stand a bit on end. I had the added fear as her being a very petite young woman often traveling solo in addition to all the other travel fears.
I practiced the advice @kelsmom gave you. And learned to appreciate being updated ‘after the fact’ in some cases.
My biggest takeaway after her 15 months abroad (and her plan to live abroad after graduation) is that we’ve done our part to raise her and I need to trust that she uses that good head on her shoulders. All indications thus far have pointed to her being very good at that.
Big sister’s research project in Africa was shot down by her advisor because it could have jeopardized the organization’s relationship with the local government. Little sister was declared sort of a persona non grata by a rogue state… her apartment in another country where she worked after graduating was burglarized, and the cops who came to “investigate” managed to steal a few things, too. Yes, we have had a fair share of scary moments. Both are back in the US and raising their own children. Payback is coming sooner than later.
Ya’ll are making me feel a lot better about my D’s “adventures” - traveling to Europe, hiking 14ers, camping in the wilds, sky diving, etc… Thankfully she never opted to go alone. I would definitely have worried even more.
Both D’s have done their share of solo travel to South America, Africa, Turkey, Russia. Both continue to travel solo for work.
I cannot image what the military parents go through. I once could not stop myself from tearing up when a women in uniform was at the airport leaving and hugging her mom.
I stopped worrying when D (who was an undergrad at U Chicago) took a trip to Turkey on her own and there were 17 murders in south Chicago that weekend while she was in Turkey. H said she was safer in Turkey. I stopped worrying after that.
I have an adventuresome kid. First a gig in the Peace Corps in a small African country. This included trips to several neighboring countries. Then a six week trip after to complete the round the world trip. Has taken a number of hiking trips to places all over the world. Kid has been to every continent except Antarctica. Next up internationally is a two week trip to work at refugee camps in Jordan (as part of an advanced degree program). Kid is very responsible, and street smart.
Our son never met a challenge he didn’t like. He left for boarding school across the country at 14. Then he chose a service academy for college. It started with six weeks of basic training called “Beast” which included learning how to survive a chemical attack by removing his gas mask in an active gas chamber exercise (those videos are NOT pretty). He learned to go days without sleep and weeks without showering. He ate out of packets. He blew stuff up. He rappelled out of helicopters. He became a sharpshooter and learned how to drive a tank. He learned forms of self defense that included various ways to kill with precision. He took survival swimming in a pool with battle effects where near-drowning was the point. These are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. There were other “adventures” to be sure.
He endured four years in the gray prison on the Hudson where all of these training exercises were in addition to daily formation, inspections, battle drills, rowing crew, competing on the Cyber team, and excelling in a very tough engineering curriculum. Since graduation, he’s been deployed to Guam with a recent six-month stint in Qatar, his first experiences outside the contiguous U.S.
Did/do I worry about him? What would be the point of that? As @kelsmom posted, he’s an adult. These are his choices. He’s happy. And the Army hasn’t killed him yet.
ETA: Perhaps I should mention that my freshman college roommate and I hitchhiked up Highway 1 from Mexicali to San Francisco the summer of ‘77. I’m not prone to fear.
My older son wasn’t/isn’t what I would consider adventurous, but his very deliberate choices have put him in uncomfortable(for his parents) situations.
When the pandemic started, and college students went home, he stayed to work as an EMT for a volunteer rescue squad. We lost count of the number of times he had to be decontaminated.
As I type this he’s wearing a bulletproof vest and patrolling the streets as a LEO tonight.
He’s demonstrated that we should trust his judgement. We hope that his previous and continued training will help him to effectively deal with danger and tragedy.
Yep, daughter did Indonesia 3 times but once on a very small island alone and back packed through South East Asia herself. About 6 countries. Swears that youth hostels where very women friendly and lots of people from the EU traveling their gap year and made lots of friends.
But we just asked her to keep us abreast where she was. We did have sort of an intenerary and she was good at sending pics and texts. Something happened in a Vietnam mountain way that she got really sick and one day she will tell us about it… Lol. She’s off to Portugal /Spain and a few other countries from December to February that now seems like a breeze in comparison.
My S has traveled to a lot of places I’ve only learned about after the fact—Iceland 3x, Kenya 2x, multiple visits to various parts of Europe, Taiwan, Singapore, Japan, Thailand, to name a few. He likes mountain climbing and scuba diving. many of his trips have been solo but some have been with fiancée. So far, he’s always showed self-reliance and good judgment. Worrying has never helped so I just enjoy whatever stories he chooses to share when we see him.
D did a semester abroad in London and traveled a lot in Europe. She usually traveled with a friend but also traveled solo and it was no problem.
S has been to over 40 countries (many have been solo travel). He has traveled to several places in Asia, South America and also Australia and New Zealand solo. I rarely worry because he is such an experienced traveler, knows a few languages (and can figure a few more out) and he is what I refer to as a “human GPS”.
In high school S and a friend did a language immersion program in France. Sundays were “free days” and one Sunday he and a friend (who he grew up with) decided to go to Italy for the day so they hopped a train and went. That is totally on brand for him.
My son lived in Beirut, Lebanon for five years. He studied English at AUB. He bought a motorcycle so he could travel to the Syrian refugee camp south of the city. He handed out supplies and taught at the school there. He had a couple of accidents because motorists couldn’t care less about motorcyclists.
He got called in by the government several times. One guy told him he had a hard time believing an American would come to Lebanon to study English. They always gave him a hard time and delayed his visa approvals.
He was about 2 miles away in his apartment when the port explosion occurred. He was on the 8th floor of his reinforced apartment building and he said it felt like it jumped about a foot in the air. A lot of stuff broke but he wasn’t hurt.
His Syrian girlfriend got a job with Google in Warsaw so that’s where they are now. 125 miles from Ukraine.
He’s proven to be very resourceful and capable so I don’t worry as much anymore.
Lol, I would have to say that all 3 of my kids are NOT overly adventurous - they like to travel but not with activities that one would consider risky/adventurous beyond normal hiking. I guess they are chicken like me! And I’m the biggest worrier (thanks Mom!) - so I don’t know that I could survive adventurous kids!!!
I was an adventurous young adult. Once I left home at the age of 21, I never truly lived there again. I worked for an airline and got to travel all over the world for virtually nothing.
I went to a few places on my own. I personally didn’t love solo travel, but I’m still glad I did it. I think it’s harder as a woman. I NEVER checked in with my parents. I would flip out if my own kids did that now.
Once our kids hit ages 10 and 8, we went everywhere we could. Europe a few times, China, Thailand, Mexico a few times, and Morocco. My family was worried about Morocco but it was wonderful and I would go back.
My son has zero interest in far flung holidays, but he would go somewhere if we pay, haha.
My daughter is very adventurous. She studied abroad in Japan and went to far flung islands on her own. She lives abroad now and goes all over the place. She spent a fairly nerve-wracking 24 hours in Istanbul, completely lost for a good chunk of time, but it didn’t seem to faze her. She recently told me she is thinking of going to Albania alone. I’m not wild about that idea, but I can’t stop her.
When my daughter travels, I ask her to give me the names of the places she is staying, just to have a little peace of mind. She isn’t one for finding lodging at the last minute and books in advance. Then I ask her to please send me a message every couple of days if she can, just to say, “I’m good.”
Maybe ask your son what his plans are in case he has to change his itinerary or has an emergency. Can’t hurt them to consider options.
Thank you parents! This is the content I was hoping for. I definitely realize my S is a smart and capable adult. He’s navigated so much travel since starting his study abroad program and speaks Spanish and now Italian pretty well. He also is in great physical shape and likes to take on mental challenges. Even though I’m a worrier, I do know and use the strategies to manage anxiety, and I try to remind myself of the things I can control (and what I can’t). I’m also trying to focus on looking forward to our trip to Italy in October to meet up with S and travel together. It’s still hard sometimes. However, you all have come through with some great stories and now I have multiple examples to remind myself, “Hey, at least I’m not dealing with that!” Thanks all!
It’s really hard. S25 is a rock climber and regularly gives me heart failure. He had a friend that died climbing and I just have the worst time with it now. But I can’t take away what he loves, even if it kills me sometimes. I’ve explained that I’m going to be crazy about lecturing him before he goes and he can just put up with it
I fully expect him to be wandering the world once he has the opportunity. He’ll have to listen to me lecture then too but I’ll let him go. We have to don’t we?
I have one son who is not adventurous in terms of travel but is in terms of trying new things and meeting new people. He is a good kite surfer, for example, and has had some (let’s say) unconventional GFs. He is curious and open minded.
Other son is the traveler and hoo boy has he had some adventures, most notably when he saw it was cheaper to scuba dive in Egypt than Israel and thought nothing of crossing the border back when ISIS was all over the area. He called us afterwards (we always hear about this stuff afterwards, probably just as well) and marveled that no one was diving in Egypt when the prices were so low.
). It started with spending a month surfing in a small town in Morocco with his phone mostly turned off (wanting to disconnect 
). Then he had a low key month in Florence along with a couple other adventures.
Thanks all! 
