<p>New member of CC but have been reading voyeuristically since December when son (still not sure what letters am supposed to use for designation!) finalized app list. Have enjoyed/appreciated/giggled/occasionally freaked out at many posts along the way…especially those related to laundry and 80s products. Now to sweat out the next 5ish weeks until D-day! Looking forward to having an outpost for my angst over decision making, assuming son has options…</p>
<p>Welcome, Zookeeper! We are a pretty friendly bunch… happy to share angst, advice, and humor here. Many seem to use DS for ‘dear son’. Or of course, you could refer to him as ZookeeperKid… But that’s kind of long! </p>
<p>How about ZooBoy?</p>
<p>Anyone else feel like they didn’t get enough of a break between prep school apps and summer program apps? Due to ds’s procrastinating tendencies, I have had to pay for overnight delivery to meet deadlines for two different programs. So much for leaving him to take care of this stuff himself…</p>
<p>GMT, it is probably best not to apply to a school where one cannot even think of a few reasons to attend. I think you made the right call. </p>
<p>So how ARE we all doing?</p>
<p>Frozen. Hibernating. Wake me up when temperature goes above zero. </p>
<p>I’m warm, because the heat is on, because we have POWER! This was not the case for 34 cold hours yesterday and the day before. There is still a large twig/small branch sticking straight up out of the frozen snow on the top of my car. And no, frozen snow is not a redundancy. :-)</p>
<p>I AM ON THE SAME STREET AS A KIDNEY CENTER! I never lose power… win. :)</p>
<p>What are you guys talking about? It’s sunny and warm here. B-) ChoatieDad is back east, though, and is facing delays getting home tonight. He told me not to wait up. :(</p>
<p>GMTplus7 - ZooBoy it is! Ps love your avatar!
Am interested in how others “defend” their decision to consider BS as an option to non-believers. Encountered some vehement judgey types at our school auction/fundraiser last night and still taste the blood from doing so much tongue-biting. Practiced benign nodding and " everyone needs to do what is best for their own kid" comments when wanted to rip into a discussion about one particularly aggressive mother’s own parenting choices. But ZooHusband grabbed me by elbow and steered me towards the bar before I could erupt. I need some “stock” answers/comebacks!!!</p>
<p>You’re a lucky woman, Zookeeper. Under those circumstances my husband would have steered me away from the bar. I think there’s a thread with awesome (and very funny) comebacks… I’ll try to find it. 
</p>
<p>“I love my kid too much to send her away.”</p>
<p>“I love mine too much to keep her home.” </p>
<p>^^^Yep, I’ll let PhotoMom find the thread, but the best responses usually indicate that the choice was the child’s. That reply is disarming to someone who is attacking you from a “bad parenting” perspective. Of course, if your child is in the room and wants to address the inquiry, you will most definitely win, and the other husband will have to do the steering.</p>
<p>Now in our third year, we’re long past any comments (at all) from our neighbors as ChoatieKid is a shining example of the benefits of his choice. He is viewed as an adult among kids. If anything, the contrast has made me uncomfortable in couple of social situations as CK is unaware of the obvious comparisons being made. You really don’t have to bite your tongue. If your child is loving and thriving at his BS, that’s all that matters (but you know that, I know). The truth will out eventually; you don’t have to say a word. Count on it.</p>
<p>I think it’s helpful to remember the reasons parents make these kinds of comments. Some are genuinely befuddled by the idea of boarding school, some think BSes are places only “bad” kids are sent. But in my experience some parents who hear your child is going off to a selective boarding school are secretly worried that their own child is being left behind. “Oh, my gosh, we never even thought about sending little Janie to boarding school. Does this mean Zookeeper’s child will be heading off to Harvard in 4 years while mine will be at Directional State U?” Parents can be crazy and thoughtless in their panic over schools, and I find it helps to reframe the conversation in my head from “That parent is criticizing my family and our choices” to “That parent is worried about their own child and the possibility that s/he’s missing out on opportunities we’ve jumped on for our own.” </p>
<p>I also find that it helps to home in on a specific program or opportunity the school provides for your child that wasn’t available at home. That way you can explain why your child’s at a BS without denigrating the choices of the parents who have kept their child in the school yours has just left. An example might be, “Zoobaby’s really passionate about astronomy and X school has their own observatory. She’ll miss her friends at home but we know we’re doing what’s right for her.” or “Zoobaby really wanted the opportunity to row crew and the closest program to us is over an hour away. This way he won’t have to spend 2 extra hours in the car each day and I’ll be able to keep my job!”</p>
<p>+100 to Sue’s comment. Misinformation and anxiety are precisely what drives these comments. Misinformation is easily addressed, the anxiety is not. I think it’s best not to engage. Let your child’s experience do the talking. Otherwise, just smile and nod.</p>
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<p>I’ve tried that, but I think it caused more anxiety because it underscored what is lacking here. It was taken more as bragging than as an explanation of why BS was a good personal choice no matter how I said it. In hindsight, I’m not sure how mentioning any of these programs or facilities can do anything but point out how privileged our kids are in contrast, and that feeds the anxiety and resentment.</p>
<p>Mentioning these programs among BS parents makes sense when the conversation is why one BS over another, but it doesn’t promote understanding or goodwill among underfunded public school parents. I found that out the hard way. Now we’re just the elitists on the block.</p>
<p>Stargirl! Your comeback might be the best one yet. Definitely (maybe even defiantly!) going to use that one next time I need one. :-@ </p>
<p>@cameo43 It’s my mom’s! I love it, because even though she doesn’t want to have four of our years together cut off, she knows that I will have so many more opportunities at boarding school than I will here.</p>
<p>stargirl3…that’s exactly how I feel with my own daughter. I know I will miss the heck out of her but I feel like I can’t be selfish and keep her home to make me feel better. I believe the opportunities at boarding schools are worth it. </p>