How do I get over rejections from grad school?

<p>I just recently applied to PhD programs in computer science, and although I have 1 acceptance, every other school I applied to either has rejected me, or has sent out offers so it's very likely that I'll be rejected. I'm really happy that I did get into the school I got into, and it's still a top-20 school, but the fact that I'm probably going to get rejected from everywhere else is starting to make me doubt my abilities. Especially since I thought I was doing fine up until now - I go to a top-4 school for computer science, have a 3.8/3.9 overall/major gpa, 3 summers of research experiences, what should be good recs from professors at my school, etc.</p>

<p>The worst part is that since I go to a top-4 school, everyone around me seems objectively smarter than me in computer science since they're either undergraduates who got into schools I'm not getting into, or they're grad students at a school I applied to but didn't get accepted to. I'm also starting to wonder about my performance in graduate level courses - especially those that had exams that I did significantly well on. But I guess that can be explained by the fact that courses aren't important anyways.</p>

<p>I apologize for all the whining, but I'm not really sure where to go to for advice for all this. I'm getting the impression that people are thinking lesser of me because I'm going from a top-4 undergraduate school to a school not really known for computer science.</p>

<p>You sound like a very competitive applicant, don’t worry. You never know if there were no openings for PhD students with the focus you have at these schools. Who cares what people might think about going from a top 4 program to one less than that. You will find a job regardless and if you do great research, academia is still always an option if you choose.</p>

<p>Life isn’t over, you have so much to do still and I guarantee if you end up at the school you are currently accepted to, you will still do great. Good luck.</p>

<p>The bottom line is you need to lighten up on yourself. Everyone in your position has a bit of imposter syndrome, but you have to stop comparing yourself to others, especially the graduate students who generally have a lot more experience than you and so they should be ahead of you.</p>

<p>I think the whole process is a little random. There was no pattern regarding competitiveness in which schools I was invited to interview with. I always say living well is the best revenge. Put that energy into your work and let them see for themselves that they missed out on being able to say that a great scientist came from their program. (P.S. Congrats on your acceptance!)</p>

<p>If the only schools you applied to were in the same category (top 20), then they all have many, many applications form students such as yourself. They usually have limited openings for Ph.D. students and so they have to triage applications. You just don’t know if yours will float to the top. This is not an indictment against you or your preparation, it is just a numbers game.</p>

<p>For this reason, I usually suggest to my advisees that they choose at least one perfectly good program which might not be in that ultra-selective group but where they will be happy attending.</p>

<p>In your case, it looks like to got into one of your preferred programs. You don’t have a choice of where to go but ask yourself this: If you had applied to a lower ranked program and gotten in, which one would you choose?</p>

<p>Good Luck!</p>

<p>It’s not random, but it can seem arbitrary to students on the “other side.” I’ve participated in the process as a graduate student and I can assure you that it’s not done randomly. I also think that “revenge” is kind of a strong word for what you do, since programs rarely (if ever) cut people vengefully.</p>

<p>Typically, it’s just that there are only a few funded slots and there may be dozens of qualified applicants. They can’t accept everyone, even everyone who’s qualified, so they make decisions based upon more nebulous characteristics like fit with the department and who the PIs think will work the best in their lab. We just had our prospectives’ weekend/interviews and every prospective we brought to our department was someone who could do the work and thrive in the program. We simply don’t have funding for all of them.</p>

<p>So take comfort in the fact that you may not have been rejected for your qualifications - it was probably other factors that have nothing to do with your competitiveness or ability to complete the program. And once you get in the program, who completes it is not determined by who had the higher GRE score or the better record before they entered. A whole different set of factors enter into play.</p>

<p>To be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble believing the fit explanation. All the schools I applied to are equally strong in the specific field of computer science I want to do. If anything the school I got into is a worse fit than the schools I’ve been rejected from, and I’m not just saying that because I got rejected from those schools </p>

<p>And if fit problems result in that many rejections, why is everyone else at my school getting into pretty much all the schools they applied to? It seems that if fit did cause that many rejections, that I wouldn’t be the only one having this much trouble with grad school apps, but it feels like I am. Not to be argumentative but it’s hard not to feel like a failure when you’re the only one around not getting into the best schools.</p>

<p>As my mom would say, stop being a ■■■■■ and get over it.</p>

<p>A candidate who is attractive to one program will naturally be attractive to another program that does research in a similar area. That’s why it’s not incredibly uncommon to see some people sweep the board with their admissions decisions, especially if they’ve gone the extra mile to convey a great deal of enthusiasm for the programs.</p>

<p>Of course, it is also quite possible that they outperformed you in certain aspects of their application packages; maybe they wrote better SOPs, or they have better LORs.</p>

<p>There’s no point in brooding over it. There are so many variables at play here, it’s impossible to know for sure.</p>

<p>Maybe there was something in your essays that put people off or one of your recs was actually bad. There’s no way we can know the answer, we have neither seen your full application nor do we sit on the committees. Just relax. If you can’t brush this off, you probably shouldn’t be going into the pressure cooker of grad school.</p>

<p>“Living well is the best revenge” is just an expression that means “focus on your own success if you want to be happy, and others will see that you were not hindered by their actions.” I’m surprised you’ve never heard it before. The message is that you can avoid feeling vengeful or hurt by embracing all the opportunities that lie ahead.</p>

<p>A faculty member friend of mine at a UC school who has served on many, many admissions committees told me “The whole process is quirkier than most applicants would want to know.” I am basically just telling OP not to take it personally or make him doubt his promising future.</p>

<p>RacinReaver I want to have a beer with your mom.</p>

<p>You got accepted someplace, you only need 1 right place to be accepted to. In a year you won’t care where you got rejected anyway, hell, more like in a month or two after you settle into your new school. It’s like getting married, you get rejected a ton along the way, but do you really care after you found the right person? Ok…ok… some people do, but thinking about ‘one that got away’ all the time in any context will make for a miserable life.</p>

<p>Also, sounds like you are a little too hung up on rankings and what others are doing. Just focus on yourself. You said it yourself, you got into a top 20 ranked program… that is no small achievement. It’s something as an older adult I realized, you will never be perfect, and no matter how much you work someone will always work harder or do better. So don’t stress so much over others and what they did or where they go. Enjoy the journey and realize you are on a path to a degree that only about ~2% of people in this country ever even obtain.</p>

<p>Watch this short TED talk: <a href=“http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html[/url]”>http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>The gist being, research shows people actually end up HAPPIER when they have LESS choice. It will all work out in the end :)</p>

<p>How much of a factor is the origin of one’s PhD (since most firms that hire computer science PhDs only really look at the last degree barring exceptional circumstances) in the hiring process for PhD holders in computer science?</p>

<p>I knew that the origin of a degree was a factor in I-banking and in law, though.</p>

<p>I looked up the cv’s of professors at top-4 schools in CS, and most of them seem to have gotten their PhDs from top-4 schools. Exceptions seem to be for places like Cornell, Princeton, Waterloo, Washington, etc. I’m not sure how much how much going to a top-4 school by itself helps in becoming a professor at a top school, but I just wanted to point that out. I’m fully aware that even graduates from top-4 school have a lot trouble becoming professors at top schools.</p>

<p>Also, after talking to a few friends, it turns out that compared to the general population of computer science majors at my school, very few people actually apply to PhD programs. So I bet a large part of this is just due to the fact that those who apply to grad schools are a self-selecting group. Which is kind of scary considering the competition there is to get into this school as an undergraduate in the first place.</p>

<p>Well, you have to realize that when schools tell you that GPAs and the name of the school isn’t everything, they mean it. </p>

<p>Different grad programs are ran differently, some are more class based, others are more small group based. I don’t mean to sound like a terrible person, and I honestly mean no offense, but perhaps the people interviewing you just didn’t think you would be a good fit in their program, and didn’t think your personality would mesh well with the professors and students already admitted.</p>

<p>This sounds like a silly issue, but my cohort is a completely mismatched group of 13. Our personalities do not mesh well at all, and it honestly affected our classes for quite some time…and we are generally classroom based. Imagine these personalities in small, group based work. (In contrast, the cohort above us “meshes” very well together). </p>

<p>Also, it’s very impressive that you are at a top 4 school now, and it is very impressive that you will still be in a top 20 school. Don’t let yourself get hung up on rankings, because in the end, much of your education isn’t about the school you go to or the professors you have, but the opportunities you seek out, and what you do with your education. </p>

<p>If you really want to feel better about other rejections, just celebrate the fact that you for sure have one acceptance. No matter what the other schools say, you have a place. Not everyone does.</p>

<p>Is it worth it to try to e-mail the schools that rejected me for feedback? I tried talking to two of my recommendation writers, and neither of them were really that helpful, especially since neither of them were on the admissions committee at my school. Both said that their recommendations were strong, and one even said something like, “I don’t think this has ever happened to a student I wrote this level of a recommendation for.”</p>

<p>I think at this point, I mostly just want to know what I did wrong so I can learn from it and try to avoid it later. But I have no idea how to go about doing that. I applied for the NSF fellowship, so would the review sheets be helpful for figuring out what was weak in my graduate school application? It’s hard to tell since things like Broader Impacts are supposed to be really important for the NSF Fellowship, but not so much for applying to graduate schools.</p>

<p>warbrain,
You are not going to get an answer to your “what did I do wrong?” question by emailing the schools that rejected you. That will only make you look even more immature.
It could have been due to any number of factors, including those beyond your control.</p>

<p>UG applicants never learn the reason their applications were rejected. Ever.
Nor do most job applicants.</p>

<p>As RinR suggested above- get over it . Seriously.
Move on.
And rejoice that you DID get in to a PhD program.
Not all applicants are so lucky, regardless of the UG college they went to.</p>