How do parents get their children into grad school?

Graduate School
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<p>After looking at the thread below about college professors I am highly interested in the problem that sakky & some of the other posters were talking about. Please let's not start talking about parents personally that is not what I want to do. I just think it is very interesting to understand why people think that a parent can do this & mindboggling to boot.</p>

<p>How do parents do this? I can see a parent filling out the application & I suppose they could fill out the SOP, but they couldn't take their kids GRE, do the LOR, take the kid's tests in school, write the students papers or get them their grades (I would hope) nor do their interviews. Is it a financial thing? I know of people who claim that they give money to colleges or whatever but this can't be too often I would imagine?</p>

<p>My son does have friends at school who's parents have refused to help their kids out because they are not going into law or medicine which I find astounding. I also find it mindboggling that someone would go to grad school to get out of "real life" for awhile. At least my son's don't think this is the reason they want to go to grad school nor do they think being a professor is prestigious. Believe me they work far harder in college than my husband & I do in our jobs. Grad school does NOT look like it easy so I can't believe people would use it to get out of real life but clearly you must think this is done.</p>

<p>Are there too many students who are not intelligent enough getting into grad school as suggested too or are there just too many programs? Very interesting.</p>

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<p>My parents offer emotional support, nothing else.</p>

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<p>My dad is a lifelong staunch academic, so he is of course ecstatically providing advice. This is more for his own enjoyment than for my benefit, though. My mom provides emotional support and writes reality checks.</p>

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Grad school does NOT look like it easy so I can't believe people would use it to get out of real life but clearly you must think this is done.

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<p>It depends on how you define "easy". The benefit of many jobs (obviously there are many, many examples where this is not the case) is that you work 40 hours a week and that's it. You don't really have to think about work when you leave home, on the weekends you can spend time with the kids, etc. It's a nice life. With school, you obviously work harder, there's homework, there's research, there's a concrete measure of comparison to your peers that signal to the world how hard you're working, etc. So from that perspective, I agree that grad school is harder than working.</p>

<p>But, many undergrads are afraid of the "real world". They've never had to deal with car insurance, or buying a home, or having to move on their own to a distance city where they know no one. Their food was provided by on-campus dining halls, their money came from their parents or scholarships or loans, their activities were organized by the campus or department, and there was a very clear expectation of what they needed to do (i.e. Take this class. Then take this class. Then take this class. Now you get a degree) and how they were judged (grades, tests, etc.) Life outside of college is much more complicated, ambiguous, and requires dealing with adversary. In college, things are pretty deterministic (study these things, and you should do well on a test). In life, things are often very stochastic (do you know the right people? Did you get lucky and make the right career choice? etc.) From that perspective, if you fear uncertainty and change, just continuing to grad school is easier.</p>

<p>So if someone fears change, uncertainty, and complexity, grad school seems like the easier decision. Of course, those shouldn't be the criteria by which someone decides to go to grad school, and hence, the problem.</p>

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<p>Oh, and earlier this year, we did receive a marketing video from a parents to try to get their kid into a program. It was a professionally made 10 minute video on how great the student is and how successful she would be in our school. I saw those things during my MBA time, and I know athletes do it to try to get scholarships from colleges, but I've never seen a graduate student application with one.</p>

<p>Give it 5 years, and it will be the "in" thing to do.</p>

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<p>"Are there too many students who are not intelligent enough getting into grad school as suggested too or are there just too many programs? Very interesting."</p>

<p>See, while GP is right on with the assessments on why a student might want grad school instead of a job, I have to say that this will certainly not be a problem at the top schools. You can make it with good grades and stuff to a pretty good school, but for a top school, you have to be INSANELY aggressive and do wild things to bolster your application. </p>

<p>Parents can kind of spoonfeed the kid and tell him/her what to do. Maybe the kid is pretty bright and can get A's in school -- that alone will get you into some grad program. But to get into a top one you have to be more aggressive than that.</p>

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<p>I think parent's can help by having a high regard for academics, and to put the possibilities on the table early in the person's life. But beyond that, they can only offer advice. And the advice will only be relevant if they are aware of the realities of the process. My mother is a good editor, so she can help with small details, but no one can write your app or your sop for you. A good editor can steer you to be your best, but they can not come up with the source material.</p>

<p>The student's best advisor and reality check is the professor they are doing research with. They will usually tell you if your school list is a good one or not, and most will look at your SOP too.</p>

<p>MBA is really different thing and different people aspire to one, than aspire to academic grad school. there is a separate forum here for professional schools.</p>

<p>My daughter decided in high school that she wanted to do something important. And that important thing was going to be to further human knowledge in some scientific area. she was inspired by Steven Hawking's Universe in a Nutshell and some good teachers in school. So she was already thinking of grad school as a probable.</p>

<p>I only know now to reccommend to someone to do research early. She initiated it in her freshman year (and that isn't even on her CV, she has too many other things to list.) She spent every summer of college doing research and extra classes. She let college exploration lead to her major and her more specific interests. This was influenced by professors.</p>

<p>So parents can help by assisting the student to get into the best college they can, allowing for financials. Ability to get into a school where you have access to Professors and access to undergraduate research is one factor that can be important in grad school acceptance. You can look at acceptance rates to grad schools as part of evaluating colleges.</p>

<p>My daughter was (perversely) lucky to get a great package to a great undergrad school and has had to manage her financial aid to do everything. This includes renting apartments, semester abroad with travel, grad school application fees. She is applying to grad programs that are funded, yet I imagine she will be living on a pretty skimpy budget for many years, and there is an opportunity cost there.</p>

<p>I am caught up in the tension of the season here and the uncertainty of where she will be next fall, and even summer. She barely tolerates this, but she is a good sport.</p>

<p>I have been able to use our experience to help advise some family members, and write a few posts on CC too. So far dd has been accepted to one top school for the PhD program, still waiting to see how this plays out.</p>

<p>So in all, i agree with the OP that it is quite fantastical to imagine that parents can get their children into grad school. or perhaps there are schools that just admit full freight payers?</p>

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How do parents do this? I can see a parent filling out the application & I suppose they could fill out the SOP, but they couldn't take their kids GRE, do the LOR, take the kid's tests in school, write the students papers or get them their grades (I would hope) nor do their interviews. Is it a financial thing? I know of people who claim that they give money to colleges or whatever but this can't be too often I would imagine?

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So in all, i agree with the OP that it is quite fantastical to imagine that parents can get their children into grad school. or perhaps there are schools that just admit full freight payers?

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<p>I can tell you of a rather obvious example that I have seen myself several times: parents who are themselves faculty members of the department to which you are applying, especially if they occupy high administrative positions such as Dean or Chair. Such parents can provide tremendous pull in helping their children be admitted. </p>

<p>Such influence may not even necessarily have to be nefarious. Having a faculty member as a parent can simply provide you with informational advantages, i.e. knowing what worked and what did not among the packets of past applicants and therefore knowing exactly what you need to say in your SOP and interviews. It also provides strong social networking advantages as you may already personally know some of the other faculty through your parent and - if your parent is politically powerful in the department - then you're probably going to be given a rather easy interview, especially by junior faculty (as nobody wants to be known as the guy who lowered the hammer on the son of the department Chair.) For example, I know of one guy who applied to a particular PhD department of which not only his father happened to be on the faculty, but the guy, alongside his father, had been golfing partners with many of the other members of the faculty (and their sons) ever since he was a teenager. Unsurprisingly, he was admitted. Granted, the guy was a strong candidate regardless, but clearly his family connections didn't hurt. He even said that one of his interviews concluded with a sidebet wager on which of them was going to score a lower stroke count on the next golf outing (as a large group of them including him and his interviewer were all scheduled to play together the following weekend). </p>

<p>And then of course there are 'adjustment signaling' advantages. Grad school is quite different from undergrad, and grad programs are legitimately concerned that you - even if you performed spectacularly as an undergrad - will be able to adjust to not just the general academic lifestyle, but also to the particularities of the department. This concern is obviated if your parent is an academic - especially if your parent is on the faculty of the department in question - for that means that you are clearly knowledgeable about the lifestyle. After all, you grew up in it. You lived it. The chances that you will be unpleasantly surprised enough to quit are greatly diminished, and the adcom knows that.</p>

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<p>Isn't this a Grad School Problem? How is this relevant to people here? And Why is it seen as a Parent Problem and not a University problem?</p>

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<p>Uh, the OP asked how some parents are able to help their children get into grad school. I am proffering one example. Hence, it is entirely relevant to the discussion.</p>

<p>I wouldn't necessarily use the word 'problem', as that connotes that something wrong is happening. I'm not sure it's necessarily bad that faculty members can help their own children get into their own grad programs. If your parent is on the faculty, then you probably know the department quite well and hence you should be able to strike strong working relationships with many other faculty members. If nothing else, your parent can serve to make the introductions. One of the greatest challenges of any grad student is finding faculty to work with, but that's probably not going to be an issue if your parent is in a position to help you.</p>

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<p>Don't parents have their own lives? Any parent that "gets" their kid into grad school is a bad parent and any program that can't see through parental interference is a bad program. What ever happened to "standing on your own two feet?" What's next - parents writing their kid's thesis or maybe teaching classes for them?</p>

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Don't parents have their own lives? Any parent that "gets" their kid into grad school is a bad parent and any program that can't see through parental interference is a bad program. What ever happened to "standing on your own two feet?" What's next - parents writing their kid's thesis or maybe teaching classes for them?

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<p>I don't know that it's necessarily bad for a parent to help their kid get into grad school. It may actually be good. </p>

<p>Let me give you an example. I know one husband and wife who were highly successful professors and researchers who were instrumental in establishing a new graduate institution. One of the first admittees was Irene,their own daughter, who earned her Doctor of Science there.</p>

<p>Oh, by the way, the husband and wife in question were none other than Nobel Prize winners Pierre and Marie Curie. The daughter? Irene Joliot-Curie, who later won the Nobel Prize herself. The institution in question used to be known as the Radium Institute and is now known as the Curie Institute (L'Institut Curie), and is a highly respected science graduate education and research center. In fact, it was at the Curie Institute that Irene met her future husband, Frederic, who would win the Nobel with her. </p>

<p>So the question is: would the world really have been better off if Irene had never been admitted to the Curie Institute? Was Irene really not worthy of being there, such that somebody else should have been given her seat? That's a difficult case to make considering Irene's own Nobel victory, earned only 9 years after she finished her doctorate.</p>

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<p>I find it even more mind boggling that parents are helping there kids at all after the age of 18.</p>

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<p>Your story was nice but I'm sure the Curie's daughter earned her way into school - she didn't have her mom write her SOP. I mean - I've read of cases here where people couldn't get their recommender to reply to their e-mails so they had their MOM call on their behalf - and this is when they're adults? Doesn't this strike anyone as strange? At what point do parents dodder off and take care of their own lives?</p>

<p>I got into grad school on my own. I didn't need mommy to call anyone for me or daddy to write my SOP or either of them to pay for school. I'm an adult and I'd hope everyone else in grad school is too - it's part off the reason most grad schools in IR have a hard time accepting students straight out of undergrad - because a lot of them are babies without real-world experience who think their parents can help them "get in." And worse - their parents think they can too.</p>

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Your story was nice but I'm sure the Curie's daughter earned her way into school

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<p>I guess we'll never know.</p>

<p>However, it would have been strange indeed if the Curie Institute would have rejected Irene Curie. Especially because it was her own mother who founded the place. </p>

<p>Similarly, George Paget Thompson studied at Trinity College, Cambridge University. His father was JJ Thompson - who just so happened to hold the title of Master of Trinity College, Cambridge University. Father and son won Nobel Prizes in Physics in 1906 and 1937 respectively. Niels Bohr was a Professor at the University of Copenhagen, which is also where his son, Aage, went to graduate school. Niels Bohr won the Nobel in 1922, Aage won in 1975. </p>

<p>Those are just the Nobel stories. Surely there are plenty of other stories that do not involve the Nobel.</p>

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<p>no offense but grad school students themselves are parents sometime..........worrying about their kids at school</p>

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<p>^ good point :) GP is also on target in his/her first post. </p>

<p>It's very important for the parent to be SUPPORTIVE as clueless he or she is about the academia. Don't assume anything. Academia has its own unique problems, hiearchy, and culture. But the politics are still there so parents can relate on that part on how to deal with different people and networking. But don't shoot down the student during application process or their time in the program. If you look through acknowledgements of many books written by academics, parents are often dedicated (or the spouses) because of their unconditional love and support all the way through. If you don't find yourself in the last 2-3 paragraphs, something went wrong since that kid decided to apply.</p>

<p>Parents are always welcomed in providing financial support. If not, they need to understand that if their child is putting himself/herself through grad school, especially if they didn't work first to save a little money, they are in for a rough lifestyle that resembles poverty. Literally. So don't expect your child to travel home on a moment's notice or pay for cable upon moving in. Be mindful of that- my parents are certainly aware that I take care of almost everything in grad school, especially that I don't ask for money or put anything on their credit card.</p>

<p>Your role, as with any working child, is to be a counselor, not a parent. You are now there to give life advice, not to tell them what to do or do anything for them.</p>

<p>During the admissions process, let their professors play the role that you played when your child was in high school. Professors know what's in and out of the academia and can give better insight. Excellent advisors can wind up parenting their students... unintentionally, but only in the students' best interests. Just trust your kid's professors... especially if you're paying the tuition money for their undergrad!</p>

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During the admissions process, let their professors play the role that you played when your child was in high school. Professors know what's in and out of the academia and can give better insight. Excellent advisors can wind up parenting their students... unintentionally, but only in the students' best interests. Just trust your kid's professors... especially if you're paying the tuition money for their undergrad!

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<p>This is very sound advice. The professors definitely know what they're talking about. I think this thread, however, was partially started in response to the one about the prospects of being a professor. It's pretty clear to me that professors aren't going to give a straight answer to the "What is it like being a professor" question. Or, they'll just say that it's wonderful fun. Heck, if I were tenured, that's definitely what I'd say. The professors know the academic world inside out, but other more disillusioned folk, not the guys sitting in the top tier positions, may be important to speak to in order to avoid overoptimism! Not that professors will spout nonsensical advice, but it's important in my opinion to hear more than the opinion of those who "made it" in a very difficult game.</p>