What worried me most was my daughter’s blatantly straight answers such as;
Are you interested in music or theater? - No I am not.
But would you want to try them in here? - No I have been trying hard to avoid them.
awkward silence …
Ok but I will show you our theater anyway since we are here. - Sure.
^ “How are the values of Andover reflected in the curriculum?” a 13 year old would ask. Really? ^
There were those kids in all visits. It kind of shattered my confidence in my daughter’s maturity. She didn’t have guts to ask it even if she was curious about it.
^ I have to work on math problems while I wait for my interview" ^
Never seen those though. It would have been a sight!
^ Who wants to go to school with self-absorbed people, after all? ^
I don’t know. I have seen many like them at Exeter. Actually most of them unless they were in a discussion. And that’s the greatest appeal to some kids I know. The kids I know hate small talks and hope to be able to feel natural to be self-absorbed unless they are engaged in a substantial discussion.
@SculptorDad The intended meaning of self-absorbed was self-important, self-centered. My kid hates small talk too, but that doesn’t make her “only caring about and interested in one’s self” (M-W).
I agree with all of the posters above. It can be either feast or famine. The full-pay hooked students generally have it easier. The unhooked financial aid needing students are marginalized. At the lowest end of the totem pole are the ORMs who need FA.
My son ended up with 8 acceptances at the brand name schools. Many of his classmates were rejected across the board, and had a hard time believing how he was able to do it. He didnt have the best grades at his school, but he took the most difficult classes, had stellar SSAT scores, was an exceptional athlete and showed promise in one unique academic area. Plus we were full pay. I myself was shocked that he got in everywhere. I was expecting at least a few rejections. It was difficult to make him choose.
Rejection can be incredibly disheartening. Children can be mean to each other sometimes. Just prepare your kids for the worst, and hope for the best. Everything has a purpose in life.
@SculptorDad , in answer to your original post, when my daughter was accepted, she got some really sweet and heartfelt notes from the captains of the teams to which she would participate. I think she also got a phone call from a coach. She did not receive any pins or shirts or gadgets. She got in, and that was the reward in and of itself. Period. (We could not afford to send her back for Revisit Days…so don’t know about the swag they may offer.)
But, contrary to what you asked about, I am in the same camp as @GoatMama and perhaps your wife. You need to prepare the child for the worst. If she gets into the BS of her choice–FABULOUS. But, if not, you don’t want to cause her emotional harm by elevating her teenage ego too much. My kid still probably thinks I am ambivalent or unaware of her greatness, because for that month between the end of January and March 10th–when she had applied to BS–I repeatedly and regularly tried to remind her she might not be accepted–because the schools she was applying to only accepted between 13% and 20 % of applicants. The odds are long, and there is not an algorithm that can predict where your child will be accepted. It may not be random how Admissions Committees and Departments accept their next class, but it is veiled. And very few people seem to have figured it out. I am sure you have great reason to be proud of your daughter. But, as a parent, I believe you have a responsibility to arm her with data, and not get her hopes up too high.
My two cents. (And I am keeping my fingers and ankles crossed in the hopes that your child is accepted at the school of her dreams!)
PS @GoatMama, thanks for the reminder about the map in the Admissions Office at Exeter–I had completely forgotten about it. I loved seeing the distribution of applicants! [-O<
@CallieMom, I agree and have been always telling daughter that her probability would be each school’s known rate * FA factor, which turns out to be around 10% at both top and 2nd tier schools. And 20% for 2~3 schools that went way beyond and gave her some special treatments. Because that’s the objective opinions I have collected and probably more important than my subjective opinion. That have made her somewhat upset, but will be helpful if she doesn’t into any at the end.
If instead things like the president’s special list, wouldn’t worry about her admission, an exemplary star to other students or will make exceptions mean anything at the end, neither of us will be upset.
In answer to the post, DD got a pillow case, a letter from a student, and an email from the sports team with a video showing them jumping and screaming “Congratulations!” Mom got a phone call from a sport parent and an invite to a wine tasting hosted by a local parent.
Revisit day was very nice, everyone was very friendly and the kids were genuinely happy to be there.
She turned down another school and they graciously told her that “there would always be a spot there for her if she changed her mind.”
