<p>The stalking is going way, way, way too far. Unless they under court supervision and you want to make sure they aren’t going to meet their dealer or something like that.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but I think this is much more than being “curious” about a kid’s performance:</p>
<p>“I check the Find iPhone app to see where he is (technically where his phone is), which I can tell whether he’s still in the dorm, or in cafeteria or in classroom (different buildings on Apple’s map) or someone else dorm. This app also shows when was the MacBook online, so I can see how late he stays up (past 1am this morning).”</p>
<p>This level of monitoring is more about the parent than the kid. Think about it … the OP is checking on his/her kid’s whereabouts several times a day. What if the parents finds out that the kid isn’t where he/she is supposed to be? Do you front the kid out? Seethe in silence? Pull funding because the student isn’t meeting the parent’s expectations? What happens next?</p>
<p>I must admit I am quite creeped out to think that parents are stalking their kids in college. Yes, in high school, I was “that mom” who had to know where her kids were going and when they were coming home. But if I trust my child enough to send them off, then I have to learn to let go. I am FB friends with my children, they have given me their passwords to their school accounts (easier to add money that way) but I have to trust them. Otherwise, I would not have sent them off…and away. Until they give me a reason to not trust them, they have earned it.</p>
<p>I told my kids it was important for them to go to class. Otherwise they’d have to do the reading.</p>
<p>I know at times I was that hyper-vigilant helicopter parent - but even I never cyberstalked my D. </p>
<p>Fact is, there’s no perfect way to tell if your child is attending classes - I mean, even the cyber-stalking could be gamed if your child is devious enough. Do you want your child to expend his/her energy on classwork or on side-stepping those parental controls?</p>
<p>I’m like photomom - I trusted my D until she gave me cause to feel otherwise. Luckily, that cause never arose.</p>
<p>photomom, I also was that mom. Through junior year, I would call parents if there was a party, etc. Senior year I stopped, knowing that the following year the kids would be on their own and making all the decisions. And by college, you have to trust that they can do this with minimal parental oversight. I don’t/didn’t sign off on my kids’ classes or work-study jobs or degree plans or ECs. They know they have four years and not a day more on my dollar. And that they’ve been given a great opportunity thanks to generous FA. We as parents have to cut the cord sometime.</p>
<p>Yikes! I’ve never even considered doing anything close to this for my boarding school kid who went away to school at 14. I’m lucky if I can catch him for a phone call every other week. His school doesn’t even let parents check grades other than being able to see his report card when it’s posted–and this is high school. I’m sorry, but tracking your college student the way OP describes is nothing more than stalking and I, too, am curious as to whether the student knows he’s being followed in this way. If my son thought I was electronically monitoring him, he’s savvy enough to either shut down those features, use them in a way that would present an “uninteresting” electronic picture, or call the police.</p>
<p>All of my kids give us their PWs to log in to check their grades. We do twice a semester, we only have an issue if its below a 3.0. Which my kids have gotten one apiece. Both have very solid GPAs. No idea how often they go but I assume they have to go fairly regularly to not make anything below a C. No problems for us-both kids are very forthright and dont hold anything back.</p>
<p>I actually did pass a class in grad school that I never attended, except to take the tests. Not my wisest move but honestly once I started, it became a challenge to see it through. Ah youth.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have faith enough in my D’s ambition and desire to learn to know that she is (mostly) taking advantage of the tremendous opportunity to have an education. The occasional stumble is part of the learning experience. If they don’t screw up now and then they can’t learn from their mistakes. And with Big Mother watching all the time, how can they make their own mistakes and then right their own ships?</p>
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You don’t watch your broker make every trade, and it is probably not productive to monitor results everyday, because investment should be looked at over a period of time or you would drive yourself crazy. Same with my kids. I did monitor them more closely the first year by asking them how they did on their tests and papers and I also had access to their grades. Once I felt comfortable they were on track, I stopped monitoring. I don’t think it would have been productive or good for our relationship if I knew where they were every minute of the day. TMI.</p>
<p>“I check the Find iPhone app to see where he is (technically where his phone is), which I can tell whether he’s still in the dorm, or in cafeteria or in classroom (different buildings on Apple’s map) or someone else dorm. This app also shows when was the MacBook online, so I can see how late he stays up (past 1am this morning).”</p>
<p>Does your child know that you have this ability? I have to say, I think unless you have some reason to suspect that the kid is up to no good, this feels like a major breach of trust. How would we all feel if our spouses, for example, used a similar app to “track” whether we were really at work, out to lunch, shopping in another town, etc?</p>
<p>I felt that my kids had a good work ethic and based on their high school performance, they weren’t really in danger of not taking their schoolwork seriously. If any, I’d rather see them blow off steam a little bit more.</p>
<p>Sometimes classes aren’t worth attending. I took a Shakespeare class my freshman year that was terrible, so I stopped attending lectures. (Luckily the breakout sessions were fine - and I got a decent though not stellar grade in the course.) I trust my kids to make wise decisions. I stopped nagging them in high school about homework or getting up in the morning so that they’d be ready to be independent in college.</p>
<p>Didn’t you teach your child these things when the was in high school? I nagged my kids to shut off their cell phones and go to bed when they were in 9th grade, but after that they knew that if they didn’t go to bed, getting up in the morning would be hard. They didn’t skip school because I didn’t write notes for them. I didn’t take things (lunch, homework, projects, money) to them at school because I was at work.</p>
<p>You made the decision to let him go to college. Now let him go to college. His way. I’m actually surprised how many professors include attendance in the grades. In my day they didn’t care if we went or didn’t go; they were paid the same either way.</p>
<p>I asked my kids to let me know if they were having trouble so I could HELP, not scold. I can help them get a tutor, make suggestions about papers or study schedules. One of my kids is in engineering, so the help I can give her in math and science is limited, but she also has a writing class so I can help there (my biggest suggestion is go to the free tutoring labs and ‘play dumb’). My other child has organizational issues, and sometimes just needs to be reminded to plan ahead, to complete an assignment due on Wed by Sunday night because she has a full schedule on Mon and Tues. If she doesn’t, she’s going to be up late on Tues. Sometimes she just needs to talk through her schedule with me so she can see the bumps coming up.</p>
<p>My kids were very independent in high school. I never had to ask them if they did their homework or studied for their tests. I did wonder when they were in college, with a lot more freedom and distractions, if they would slack off and not study as much. After few months I realized they were the kids as I had at home. They were having fun, but weren’t doing anything crazy.</p>
<p>About passing courses without attending class, that would be impossible at schools with mandatory attendance policies. This includes many in the SUNY system, due to NY state aid policies. A number of instructors have their own policies on attendance and some design their policies to penalize and/or automatically fail students who have what the instructor deems to be excessive absence. </p>
<p>Attendance is an often debated issue in higher ed, one position being that as responsible adults, students should be entitled to a passing grade if they know the material, regardless of attendance. An opposing position is that as responsible adults, students are responsible for being in the classroom and that the instructor has the right to count classroom performance as essential to the course.</p>
<p>What ever happened to just calling/texting/emailing the child to see what’s up? I’m creeped out by all the ‘monitoring’ going on. It actually makes me wonder how the <em>parent</em> behaved in college that he or she feels the need to know their child’s every move.</p>
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<p>That pretty much covers it.</p>
<p>My D’s college is fairly strict about attendance so I don’t worry too much about whether she’s attending class. If she skips too often, she’ll likely get dropped from the course and I’ll find out sooner or later.</p>
<p>I don’t have access to her student account, nor do I want it. I know I’m that parent who would check too often. Our deal is that she’s required to send me midterm and final grades. Because she’s a freshman, I want to see her midterm grades so I can encourage her to seek help if she needs it before it’s too late. She also has to maintain the required GPA to keep her scholarships if she wants to stay at her school. The rest is up to her. </p>
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<p>Did you read my post? I specifically said “stalking” which is HUGELY different from curiosity about performance. </p>
<p>OP, you really don’t know if they’re going to class. Stalking them by iPhone etc. is just creepy. Maybe if you’re that concerned your kid isn’t ready for college. I ask my kids at the beginning of the semester what classes they’re taking. I don’t ask for the actual schedule. I may ask throughout the year how classes in general are or about a specific classes. I don’t have passwords to check their grades. However, I do expect them to tell me their final grades when I ask. Both kids know/knew they were expected to graduate in 4 years with good grades. Both have had GPAs that are high enough for any purpose (grad school, good jobs, etc.). As long as my kids are getting good grades by honest methods I’m happy. If my kids knew I was stalking them via iPhone or other similar methods, they’d be furious.</p>