@hariputralake Has he chosen his school yet or is he still trying to decide?
That aside, he can politely decline by replying that he has made a decision to enroll somewhere else.
He wants Stanford and I want him to go UPenn. It will cost me more money at Upenn 15 k more per year. But he has overruled me already.
Thanks everone I feel less terriable and yes son is going to make decision and inform all colleges. He is independent and is now an adult to pursue his own dream. he has final say in whatever he does.
Where was the more money offer from, if you want to share, and does it make it more affordable for you.
Regardless of the great offers you still have to be able to afford the college but if he can go to Stanford for a reasonable amount then that’s great and look at it as his way… He’s saving you $60,000. Now that’s a great kid.
Your son is going to college…not you. If he has chosen Stanford at $15,000 LESS per year…please celebrate his choice…and forget about where YOU wanted him to go. These are his college years…not yours.
Definitely be proud of your son for going with his choice and not yours. As above- it is his life. No school is perfect. But- since he will be where HE wants to be he is more likely to be motivated to do his best regardless of the flaws.
Why do you want him to go to Penn if it is 15k/year more than Stanford? Are you concerned about distance from home?
Your son is really amazing, you should trust him to make the right choice and let him go.
You got good advice on Thank you emails. After he commits to his college , he can personally thank all the alumni and people involved. I had not heard about this level of follow up from colleges. Amazing indeed!
Congrats once again!
The schools really don’t care. The calls are hoping he’ll change his mind.
If you want to write a thank you note to people who took time out for you, do so. Otherwise just fill out the on-line forms and call it a day.
To the poster, it sounds like you have a very talented kid. Congrats.
For the school, just click on what button there is to decline.
For people who interviewed you /reached out, saying something like "Thank you for all the time you spent telling me about all the wonderful opportunities at Private U. I have decided to attend State U (or “another university) but thank you for all your time.”
I do interviews and 1) wouldn’t mind being thanked for my time…I know all students won’t go, but maybe one of 8 will go. 2) Its cool to see what colleges you do go to…if I see that many times students pick College X over my college then maybe I will look into what they have and see what we have that is like that to mention next time to the next student.
S had a slightly different but I think very similar situation. He was a highly recruited athlete. He had coaches who had spent literally hours on the phone with him, one drove 10 hours overnight through a snowstorm to watch him compete. And for the most part, they were good people who he genuine liked and wanted to continue a relationship with. But in the end, you can only pick one.
A few he just told then next time they called, a few he felt he needed to personally reach out to before he made his decision public out of respect to the time they spent with him. Several of them asked him a few questions about why he made the decision he did, but most didn’t take it personally. I would assume that all of these people knew it was a competitive situation, and that sometimes you win the recruit, sometimes you lose. It is the same with your son.
And you never know who S may be working with or for in the future, be that next year or in 20 years. So it is always good to be respectful and thankful and part on good terms.
I am not only a finaid director, but I am also the admissions director (grad school). I realize it may be different at the grad school level, but I fully expect a student who applies & goes through the interview process will give me a simple yes or no response. I provide a response form, which is simple & easy to complete/submit. I just want to know that you will or won’t come, AS SOON AS you are certain what you will be doing. I would really like to know where you decided to go to school, as well as the reason you chose that school (or if you decided not to attend school, what prompted you to apply & what made you decide against school) … but I can do without that as long as you just tell me yes or no. Schools accept more students than they can take, but they also may need to go to their waitlists once responses are in. If I have students hanging out there in the wind, I don’t really want to give away their spots without being sure they aren’t going to say yes.
At the very least, please email the school & say thanks but no thanks (as soon as you are sure).
Have things changed that much in 2 years? When my daughter made her decision in May ‘17 she went online and clicked ‘No’ for the schools she didn’t choose.
There were some data collection follow-ups- ‘which school did you choose and why’ - but that was it.
Don’t be under the illusion that anyone at a college admissions office is heartbroken and in despair that you’re going elsewhere.
Just use same bland and mechanical rejection letter format these schools would’ve sent if your son wasn’t accepted.
For one U that S declined because he was told that he would likely be asked to withdraw if he missed more than 5 classes in the term, we wrote that as the reason, since we were very surprised as all the other Us agreed they would work with S and our family to help him succeed. We felt their policy was very punitive and told them as much, especially when the student is able to keep up and has a documented medical reason for the absences.
The other notes were blander and more along the lines posted above.
For the interviewers - thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. It was greatly appreciated and helped me clarify what I was looking for in a school. Then maybe mention something that was attractive about that school. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to ultimately enroll at … Maybe a few words about why the school was just a slightly better fit, as long as it can remain tactful and not insulting.
Pretty sure S just hit the decline button for the six schools he had to reject. He did send a personal note to anyone he had an interview with after the interview, but any of those schools he was either waitlisted or declined at. I can see if you had a lot of personal contact with a specific person during the application process sending them a note if you decline but otherwise just decline online. They usually have a questionnaire online you can fill out on why if you want.
I’m going to ask my son to write some thank you notes to AOs. His AO at Vanderbilt, who responded with a lovely email to his LOCI - we both feel kind of bad that, ultimately, he turned down his acceptance, and given that naviance shows not a lot of accepted kids actually end up matriculating from our high school, I feel like we should do what we can to keep that relationship on good terms - for the sake of the kids coming up behind S. And there were 2 other schools that went above and beyond in reaching out, so I feel like they deserve a note of thanks also.
This is not complicated at all.
Just a TIMELY letter to the admissions office saying thank you but you have to decline their offer.
You don’t need to explain why. You don’t need to say which college you’ve chosen instead.
Don’t foul the air for others from your family or school.
It sounds like it’s not the admissions office that is asking, but alumni that may have become more personally involved - as is the case with a recruited athlete. For someone in the performing arts, a recruited athlete, or a handful of other fields where these people are likely to still be remotely involved, and possibly part of the student’s network in the future, it doesn’t hurt to send a quick thank you note. Thank them for their time, tell them you value what they had to offer, but ultimately another school was a better fit for your son and your family. There may be further opportunities for grad school or employment where he might and up interacting with these same people. How awkward would it be to show up at an internship and discover that one of these alums will be working with you, or worse you report to them, and you didn’t thank them. How wonderful if they end up reviewing resumes for an internship or job, and he has already had a positive first impression by sending a simple thank you note. Little details can make a big difference