How do you tell your roommate you hate them.

Student Lounge College Life
21

<p>Dude. I have similar feelings about one of my roommates but she's the opposite extreme. </p>

<p>-Insists on recycling, even though our apartment doesn't have this service. While it's admirable and everything, the chick is too lazy to illegally dump her recyclables regularly and too cheap to buy a seperate trash can. The result is weeks upon weeks of plastic, cardboard, glass, and paper piled in the corner of my kitchen. I have photographic evidence of this. </p>

<p>-Burning of patchouli and other too too strong incense while blaring odd cds, including chanting monks. </p>

<p>-Loves to cook crazy massive organic meals with my cookware and too lazy to clean up after herself (and there's no dishwasher). When she finally gets around to washing dishes a week later, she refuses to take 5 minutes to dry them off and instead leaves them on the counter for 282738 days. </p>

<p>-Leaves her door open 24/7 so that anyone who tries to sit in the livingroom gets to stare at her stuff. I can't figure out why this one bugs me so much, but it does. </p>

<p>-All up in my business. If she hears my keys in the door, she'll run to "help me unlock it" and greet me. I'm a big kid; I can work a lock. If she hears my bedroom door open, her ears perk up and I'll be bombarded with questions about where I'm going, when I'll be back, etc.
-As a corollary, as soon as she comes home she enbodies Ward Cleaver<br>
and very loudly announces her arrival. If I hear one more sing-songy,<br>
drawn out "Heeellllloooooooooo".....</p>

<p>-Very, very loud with everything she does. This includes the incessant, nasal-drippy, hacking, pot-induced cough, the insane conversations she has with herself, the way she makes out with her smarmy, icky boyfriend, loud cooking, the music, etc. </p>

<p>-She touches my stuff, which is admittedly hard not to do as she subleases and I have furnished the apartment. But she'll re-arrange my decorations, mess with the timers on my lamps, and screw with the automatic air freshener in the bathroom. It's small stuff, but really freaking annoying. </p>

<p>Sorry for the novella, but I could go on for days. I'm also really really bad with confrontation and I probably could've relieved some of this stuff already but I don't want to make life more miserable in the interim. I can't wait for June.</p>

22

<p>Purpose: to evict roomate.</p>

<p>Hypothesis: roomate will leave if an acrid, corrosive gas is introduced into the living space.</p>

<p>Supplies:
Gas mask or some other sort of respiratory/ocular protection
Beaker
10ml 6mol nitric acid
4g tin</p>

<p>Procedure:
1. Put on gas mask.
2. Combine nitric acid and tin in beaker.
3. Observe. A brown gas should emanate from the beaker - nitrogen dioxide. Your roomate should leave, unless they have Superman's mucous membranes.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Roomate was successfully evicted. Repeat as necessary.</p>

<hr>

<p>(I am in no way responsbile for anyone who follows the instructions in this post - anyone who partakes in any of the actions listed assumes responsibility for all related consequences, intentional and accidental)</p>

23

<p>Ahab-</p>

<p>Awesome plan. However, if you are at all familiar with the odor of tofu bacon, you know that nitrogen dioxide is no match for that science project of a "meat". My roommonster prepared the "food" 4 times last week and the stench is still permeating every square inch of my abode. </p>

<p>I cry.</p>

24

<p>Tofu bacon... yeah, I don't think anything could ever compete with that.</p>

<p>The only thing I can think of is this: cook some real bacon and see if the good odor neutralizes the bad one.</p>

25

<p>Sigh. If only.</p>

26

<p>Glad to see I'm not the only person who had oder issues with their roommate!</p>

27

<p>once again thanks for everyones advice and i'm glad you enjoy my blog. Someone gave me advice about the dishes that i though i would share. Instead of putting the dishes in the sink we now wash them off and place them in the dish washer which makes the place smell a lot better and clean up is as easy as turning the washer on. I thought of a new formula too</p>

<p>Purpose: To kill roommate and remove any traces of said roommate
Hypothesis: Roommate will leave if said roommate is reduced to ash</p>

<p>Supplies:
Gasoline (somewhat cheap and easy)
Lots of fire
Fireworks (just to make things fun to watch)</p>

<p>Procedure:
Cover every surface with gasoline while roommate sleeps
Lead trail to outside of apartment
Light trail</p>

<p>Conclusion:
Roommate annihalated, Police will have a hard time identifying the ash pile but you probably won't get your deposit back</p>

<p>(I am not to be held responsible for anyone who attempts this, anyone who attempts this accepts full responsibility for their actions)</p>

<p><a href="http://www.apblue.com%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.apblue.com&lt;/a>
Because Roommates Suck</p>

28

<p>jjjames you are indeed a great write. Your blogs got enough of my interest that I read through all of them, and was very much amused.</p>

<p>Just wondering, what school you go to?</p>

29

<p>Thanks but i'd rather not say what school I go to, i'm trying to keep it as anonymous as possible (there is no mention of my roommates name). I guess you could say I go to a pretty well known university in Southern California</p>

30

<p>The actual reason I asked is there is a rather huge bearded guy in my Russian History class (I'm at UCLA) and I did indeed think of your blogs today when i saw him.</p>

31

<p>wow Russian history, random but interesting class. Well my roommate is bearded but hes not taking a Russian history class</p>

32

<p>I think you'll get lucky and come back one day to find his fat, disgusting lifeless body on the floor, killed by a heart attack. I'm surprised he isn't dead already. And he hasn't been kicked out of school yet what with all the WoW he keeps playing? How old is this loser anyways? Is he like a mama's boy or something like that? Sounds to me that he's just an American version of a hikikomori, check it out on wikipedia if you don't know what it is.</p>

33

<p>jjjames, your pyro idea struck me as possibly slightly extreme until about 5 minutes ago when I realized that my own roommonster had once again entered my room when I was out. Must. Die. </p>

<p>I'm in the same area, and quite possibly the same school. We should hook them up yo. </p>

<p>Sigh. So much hate.</p>

34

<p>roommonster lol, I would never actually burn my roommate he weighs like 500 pounds, it would be like burning a tire</p>

<p><a href="http://www.apblue.com%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.apblue.com&lt;/a>
Because Roommates Suck</p>

35

<p>hikikomori</p>

<p>I think I read about those in the NY Times, those japanese kids who read anime in their room for like 20 years right :P</p>

36

<p>HAHAH keep that stuff up jjjames.
on a slightly more serious note, i think you should definitely get outta there asap because he aint gonna change what he does.</p>

37

<p>I think he said he was stuck there with his hellish roommate until May cuz of the lease.</p>

38

<p>I have read a lot of these roommate stories that you have put up jjjames. I know a lot of people on here have told you that you are a great writer and i have to agree with these people. You should seriously talk to someone about writing for a magazine or newspaper etc. keep on putting them up to, i look foward to reading them everynight.</p>

<p>By the way Do You go to USC.</p>

39

<p>Seriously, your stories need to be published in a magazine, novel, anything. It should be sold in college campus bookstores all across the country, it'd be a huge hit, I know it. Keep up the awesome work James!</p>

40

<p>lol thanks but my name isn't actualyl jjjames thats my middle name and thanks for the compliment. We just had a huge party tonight and i'm totally gone but i just wanted to let everyone know that throughout the whole party my roommate was on his computer playing warcraft, what a loser. I'm glad my blog has become so popular, on a good note, one of my friends asked me to move in with him tonight because one of his roommates was leaving, he was drunk but hopefully he'll remmeber our converstation! hurrah!</p>

<p><a href="http://www.apblue.com%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.apblue.com&lt;/a>
Because Roommates Suck</p>