Using public transportation is an important life skill- especially for a kid coming from a city or town where they aren’t used to taking the bus to the dentist or the subway to the library by themselves.
Once your kid is a junior, he/she will be interviewing for summer internships. First round is on campus or Skype. Final round typically means your kid getting to a train or plane, then another train, bus or Uber to get to an office where the interview takes place-- and then home again. And a year later- repeat the process for the “real life grownup job”.
Your kid can be the world’s greatest driver but if they are interviewing for a job in Philadelphia or Boston or NY or Atlanta they are likely NOT renting a car once they get off the plane.
Baby steps. Having your kid learn to navigate shuttles and trains and buses etc. is a REALLY important life skill during college. I wouldn’t put a 10 year old on a plane or a Greyhound bus but a 17 year old???
Any car drive under 8 hours is not that bad as these things go. That’s going to be easier and cheaper and much more flexible than any plane flight is going to be. If your kid has a problem, you can hop in the car and you’re there.
For a school that would require a plane flight, we banned any place that required connecting flights plus a long drive on the other end. Especially if it was in a snowy place. Luckily the kids picked warm weather schools where Southwest (a college parent’s favorite airline) flew direct and only required a cab ride upon arrival.
Sorry Middlebury, Dartmouth, Bucknell, Cornell and Colgate.
We live in CT – I have a freshman almost 5 hours away in Maine. He can take a bus during certain times to Boston and if we we have to drive. My HS senior was just accepted to a school in MO. We will drive him out (probably 16 hours) and then he will be flying. Luckily our local airport has cheap flights to St Louis!
All in all I am happy with their choices and locations. They are going to schools they wanted to attend and I am very proud of them! Part of growing up is learning to travel and deal with the problems that might pop up. Winter will probably be more stressful but I am sure we will figure it out.
D15 is a little over 2 hours away. She was SO ready to go away we thought we would only see her for longer breaks but she comes home more frequently than we thought. We live near the beach and she usually brings friends home so they can spend nice weekends on the sand.
S18 is deciding between 2 schools- one 8 hours away and one 10 hours. He knows that he will be coming home more sporadically and is good with that.
I went to school 10 hours away but met a boy the first week that was from the same area and we would take shifts when driving home and back. I have been married to that boy for almost 24 years now.
We live in Texas so going out of state can be challenge. Son is a 4hr car drive away from home. He never has a problem finding someone who wants to ride to Dallas with him when he comes home. Bus rides are very cheap also if one wants to catch a bus. Anything over 6 hours would require a flight for me.
My kids have been flying alone since they were 14. At first they only took non-stop flights, and then connections in cities where I knew someone. They are now pros and know the most important parts of flying - ask if you don’t know! They also do not schedule the last flight of the day.
From another point of view, if it’s the parents who do the driving (meaning that the student doesn’t have a car), there’s a significant cutoff point at around 4 hours, because you’re not likely to do a round trip in one day if the travel time is much greater than that – especially if you have to do something time-consuming at the destination.
The difference between a one-day trip and a two-day trip means lodging costs and perhaps, an additional day of paid time off lost that you might have wanted to save for other things.
That said, I had one go to a college that was between 6 and 7 hours away, and all drop-offs and pick-ups were 2-day trips for the parent. But since we never went to the campus at any other time, it was do-able.
D16 is about 1500 miles away in CO. A $23 shuttle to the airport (1 hour), a 3.25 hour direct flight from Southwest, and a 20 minute drive home from Dulles make it pretty easy. Bless Southwest and their cheap direct flights to Denver. I’ve paid as little as $70 for her flights and they are almost always <$150. Every school she applied to required a flight.
S19 seems interested in the Mid-Atlantic or maybe staying in VA. We may expand the search to OH and NC but I don’t think he’ll end up further away. His next visit is at UMD-CP, which I think is a 45 minute drive. He could get there by Metro if he wanted.
And she could take the train for free (but I’d probably pay the $23 too).
I wouldn’t drive 8 hours (and if I did I’d be in Montana) but agree that whether a 4 hour drive is a day drive is up to the one driving. My daughter is 150 miles away. I’ve done it in 2 hours, and it has taken almost 3. For me, that’s the limit especially because I have to do all the driving (manual transmission that this kid can’t drive). I find I’m fine on the way up, but about an hour from home on the way back (driving hour 4 to 5) I start getting cramped up and wishing she’d gone to the school only 1 hour away, the school I’m driving by twice on the way to/from her school.
Another thing I’m keeping in mind is that my DD will likely be involved in theater and I will want to watch so we will be visiting her on occasion. If the far away school was close to an airport it would help but as it is it’s going to be a pain and she will hopefully have other good offers that are closer. Just gotta wait for that ACT score and then some visits. We’ll keep the far away school as a backup plan if absolutely needed.
She’s going to miss her cats too! My DD’17 is an hour away and missing the cats is one of the hardest things for her
^^Very important. My child who is 2000 miles away plays a sport. I try to go for spring break and see 3-4 games, but I’m very jealous of the parents who can go to every game (and some fly to every game!). I’m lucky to be able to watch by Streaming.
My daughter who is 150 miles away had a roommate who was in dance. Her mother did go to all performances, but they live on the north side of the city, probably saving 40 miles each way off the trip. Much more do-able.
Son’s college is about a four hour drive from our house.
He wanted to be within a six hour car drive from home, so he only looked at colleges within that distance. We live in the northeastern United States (Long Island, NY), so there were tons of options within that distance that met all his other criteria as well.
He was not interested, however, in applying even as a safety to a college that was on LI and only 30 minutes away— to him, that felt like not enough of an adventure in independence!
Four hours is very manageable in terms of driving and getting there quickly… and he easily will be able to come home for any holiday or special occasion when he wants.
But it still feels far away from our perspective as parents! We realized quickly that NYU and Columbia were not going to be considerations based on his other criteria, but my husband and I admitted privately to each other that we were kind of hoping for Vassar or Wesleyan or Connecticut College— the nearest colleges to which he applied. But Williams was the best “fit,” and he is so happy and excited to be going there! And really, once they are sleeping away from home, does it really make a difference psychologically if it is 2.5 hours away or 4 or 6?
The reality is, we will miss him. But a major goal of parenting is to prepare your child to be an independent adult. Williams will be a great transitional place, with its cozy freshman entry dorm system and its small classes. We are confident he will make the adjustment just fine! My husband and I will need to try to do the same!
@Waldo755 St. Louis is relatively easy to navigate, especially since all students get a free transit pass. Lambert Airport is only 20 minutes away from campus and according to my son everything is 15 minutes away by either foot or public transit.
Enterprise has hourly car rental spots on campus since the founder of the company went to the school in question.
Mine has cast a wide net where almost all schools will require a flight. Most aren’t direct. We figure the merit scholarship opportunities might make up for the travel headaches/cost at least we hope this will be the case. Also we have been banking airline miles for a few years in anticipation.
Daughter is 7 hour drive away and for the first year, I drove there to meet her and then we drove back together. I would never let her drive alone. Then, we started meeting halfway to drive. Now, she drives alone during daylight. I am always nervous about it but glad things have gone the way they’ve had. Watching her gain confidence in her driving and showing the responsibility to stay within our driving boundaries has been excellent.
My target distance is ballpark 150 miles-- a 3 hour radius.My son spent last year at a school 3 hours away, and it was perfect.
That said, one of the schools on my daughter’s list-- a SUNY that offers her major, has a decent chance of admission and- as a SUNY-- is NOT mind-blowing expensive-- is Buffalo State-- something like 7 hours away. Two more she’s looking at are 5 hours away.
But Amtrak can get her to Penn Station, and from there the LIRR can get her almost down the block from here from all 3 schools.
My nieces go to Clemson, a 14 hour drive. That’s way too far for me.
Both of ours were a plane ride away. Well, we could drive, but it was a 7.5- 8 hr drive for one, and a 13 hr drive for the other. Fortunately both were in cities easily accessible by plane, so it worked out fine. We did drive when we picked up the “closer” one a year or 2, and loaded down the minivan. the “farther” one only came home one summer-- otherwise stayed in his city for summer internships, so we didn’t have too much hauling to do. We flew with him freshman year and packed in large duffel bags. When he came home after graduation he accidentally left several boxes on the curb and drove off!! And he came home with one crutch (he’d broken his leg in college). One. How do you lose a crutch?
DS is 4.5 hours away by car or a shuttle away from two major airports that have direct flights (1.25 hours) to two local airports. One airport is 30 minutes, the other an hour, from home. He came home a fair amount freshman year and used all options: parent pickup, carpool at least part of the way with other students, and flights. This year he has a car on campus. It was stressful for him to pick a drive time that avoided the recent snowstorms but he made it back to campus just fine with a friend helping with the driving. Another life skill practiced at least once! Yes, there are closer schools but the fit was way more important than the distance. YMMV. TBH it has been good for all involved that he cannot just come home whenever he chooses. Being there more encourages getting more involved.
