Has anyone been through that experience and could share what it was like? Was it hard to adjust, make new friends, etc. The school I could potentially go to is great, but I just wish it was closer home. Personal experiences would be much appreciated.
Our daughter goes to college on the east coast of the US, and we live in Asia most of the year because of our jobs, so she is about 7500 miles away from us and where she grew up. I think one of the things that helps is her mindset and ours. We all believe her education is a priority, what we do and where we live makes it possible, and we all agree that we can tolerate being apart. We approach this with confidence. Has she had terrible bouts of homesickness, tears over the phone, etc? Absolutely. Have we had times of missing her horribly? Absolutely. We accept that those feelings are part of this process. We are excited about all of the amazing opportunities that she has had over the past three years. Also, we use frequent texting, Skype, the phone. She and I text daily, and while that may be too much for some people, it works for us.
You can do this. You have to want to though, you have to accept that there might be ups and downs, but worth going through them to achieve your goals.
One of our kids went to college on the opposite coast…so about 3000 miles away. BUT that kid only applied to colleges that were far from where we lived. That’s what the kid wanted…something different.
Kid made lots of friends, loved the time at this college, and did very well there.
It doesn’t sound like you really want to go far away. Is there some reason why the far away school is being considered if you would prefer to be a bit closer to home?
You have to consider transportation…
Going out to school freshman year - do you fly? drive? You can order stuff on Bed bath and beyond or the like and pick it up near campus.
Can you afford to travel home for Thanksgiving?
Are you in a snowy area where you may have trouble with flights?
How do you get to the airport?
You have to go home for Christmas and Spring break as they close the dorms…or their may be other arrangements.
Then you need to get home for the summer…you can store some stuff in a u-store-it place or maybe with a friend.
I think for most freshman, they are there to make friends. Unless you are going to a small commuter type school where people know each other from HS, all freshman need new friends.
if you come from a different part of the country you may need to learn the local “culture”.
NorthernMom61
Wow, that must have been extremely difficult for your daughter. Would you say she had a rough time her first year or is she naturally an outgoing person? I’m very shy and I struggle just initiating conversations. It’s taken me such a long time to build the friend group I have now, all for me to potentially lose it.
@thumper1
I’ve had a really difficult senior year with the loss of a loved one, family difficulties, etc. I thought I was ready to go far but now I’m not so sure. I want to study CS so just based my list off top ranked schools far from home. I applied to schools in the Midwest/West and now I wish I had just at least just applied to my state school (UVA). It combines great academics w/ a good social scene. I know many people going there but I was so worried about what happened in Charlottesville and the self-segregation/preppy environment. I feel like, despite the rumors, I would have been okay being just a couple hours drive from home at UVA, which I think I really need now.
In these days and age, I consider ourselves fortunate as communication is so fast and easy. Check to see what phone and internet carrier offers the best coverage in your daughter’s college area. You want her to be able to get in touch with you conveniently and promptly and vise versa. There are also many free calls, Facetime, etc, via internet. You are in Asia so set up Line on your and her phone. It’s such a good communication tool as you can post pics and video, too.
If your daughter attends a college that offers a community living center (another type of dorm), It is a more close-knitted living style than regular dorms. I’d recommend she choose a community living center instead of a dorm.
Hopefully, she will make friends and enjoy her college life.
@vits253 Did you consider Christopher Newport University in Newport News? It is much smaller than UVA, has a CS program and is a very welcoming community. I undertand it’s not in the same tier as UVA, but it is a very good school. I understand deadlines may have passed, but sometimes exceptions are made.
Thank you for your comment. I did not consider CNU during the process because I did not think I could afford to go there, had never visited campus and did not know anything about their engineering department. I truly regret not expanding my net and applying to more schools closer home. I just cannot see myself so far away and I am actually becoming depressed because of it.
If you are going to be far away, it really helps if you will be near a major airport so direct flights to home are possible. If you are only near a small airport you will have to switch planes and major delays & higher prices are likely. Also, it really helps if there is cheap and reliable from your college to airport.
Cell phones make keeping in touch with parents a lot better than it used to be when even calls within the same state could be expensive.
Best decision I ever made was to leave home and go far for college. I made friends with people from all over the United States and the world, and many of them were in the same boat as I was…leaving home, feeling a little homesick, but I made great friends through these experiences. I now travel for work and can easily call a college friend for dinner and it’s great. Also, I found that a lot of my high school friends who stayed close to home, still hang out with high school folks because they never branched out. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I wanted something different, new and fresh. My roommate was from Virginia. My best friend from L.A. and I have very close friends in NY, TX, Florida and pretty much all over the place. I also had to grow up and couldn’t come home at the drop of a hat, and that was a great thing for me. Everyone is different…best of luck!
@vits253 how about deferring for a year, sticking close to home, and going to community college (Virginia has a really strong CC system)? That will give you additional time to see if you want to stay in state and do a direct transfer from CC. It will allow you to consider addtional in state schools, explore ways to make it affordable, and may ease your stress. Also, UR has this…
I assume it’s still available.
Actually…how about a Gap year…it will give you time to regroup, and figure out what you really want to do.
If you really like the far away school, you could ask to defer your enrollment for a year. Some schools will allow that. You probably won’t be able to take any college courses anywhere else if you do that.
But it would give you the year to really make up your mind about going far away. VA has a huge number of wonderful instate public universities, and more than one offers CS.
Maybe…just maybe…you need the extra time to figure this out.
@vits253 I didn’t realize you might not be able to attend CC if you defer acceptance.
@vits253 - My daughter is a freshman going to school about 15 hours away from home. She was very homesick during first semester and had some trouble adjusting to dorm life, getting sleep etc. I told her multiple times that many college students are fairly miserable at first during the adjustment period - and even longer at times. She is definitely a kid who takes longer to find her group. It helped for her to be able to come home for fall break and Thanksgiving, but I know that is not always possible for students. She is doing much better this semester and is settling in well and enjoying herself.
As far as being shy, if you decide to head to a far away college, you probably need to decide to take on the challenge of pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. If you go in determined to join clubs, meet people, and practice some new social skills, you will find that it will get much easier over time.
@vits253 I don’t think it has been horrible for my daughter and she is not naturally outgoing either. In fact she is quite introverted. The point of my post was that she had no choice about going to college far away and we all accept the challenges, but tend to dwell on the positives. She has had lots of great opportunities with more to come. You will too if you approach it with an “I can” attitude.
We live on the East Coast, and S1 went to school in Scotland for 3 years. He went to the school sight-unseen-- quite a leap of faith, for sure. Absolutely loved the school and city, but he was ready to make a big change at the time. He didn’t come home much…there was a period of 1 year, actually, that he stayed in the UK. (We visited him during that time-frame.) With texting and FaceTime it was easy to keep in touch with him, and it really didn’t feel like he was so far away.
S2 (HS senior) has narrowed his college choices down to 2-- one about 6.5 hours away and the other in Arizona. I kinda hope he heads west-- sure, farther away, but much different from the state he grew up in. I’m a firm believer in kids going out in the world and experiencing things out of the norm for them. It helps you grow as a person. Challenge yourself! You can do it-- you’ll need to make new friends wherever you go to school. Good luck with your decision.
D1 went to school on the East Coast (we live in CA). She had a theory (and actually tested it for a sociology class in her senior year) that students who travel further are less likely to be homesick. The person who was the most homesick in her circle of friends had a parent who worked at the school! There could be many reasons for this, but she thinks that it has to do with expectations and preparation. She told us that she spent the summer thinking about how she would need to find ways to find friends, handle banking/doctor/shopping/ self- parenting, etc. She was READY! Her East Coast friends seemed to go in more casually with less thought, and had more surprises.
I went to a school about 10 hours away from home. This was in the late 80’s early 90’s so before internet, smart phones and the things we all use today to connect. I didn’t know a single person on a campus of around 12,000 students. I went away because I wanted to experience something different and to get away from the local school where everyone seemed to wind up at. To me, getting an education was a lot more important than getting a degree and I knew I couldn’t do that staying local.
The biggest thing for me was to get out and meet people and try to get active. I did rush a fraternity in my first semester and that really helped as Greek Life allowed me to meet a lot more people from different areas very quickly. It also allowed me the opportunity to stick around more on breaks and summers. What I liked most about being away was it forced me very quickly to become independent. I didn’t have my parents looking over my shoulder and telling me what to do. We spoke once a week on Sunday’s and that was it. Everything else I sort of had to figure out on my own and solve for myself. Wouldn’t change a thing about the decision and it helped me a lot when I graduated and moved even further away from home.
Biggest tip which is true even if you don’t go far is to get involved early and meet people. Hang out where others do and don’t just sit in your dorm and don’t rely on your dorm as the place to meet people. Life happens out and about so make sure you get out and about and try things you normally wouldn’t.
Distance does not matter. You will have an adjustment to living away from home regardless. I was lucky to live in the dorms instead of commuting. I discovered the campus was an entirely different world. My nephew went 2000 miles and loved his new environment- he stayed after college. I met people from near and far- my world expanded because of them.
Remember the reasons you chose your school. You liked the academic possibilities and the campus. Many HS seniors will have second thoughts. No matter where you go you will be meeting new people and a new situation. The tips given by others apply no matter how close or far the school is.
With today’s communications you will be able to keep in touch with friends and family. This is a time of big changes. It doesn’t matter what HS was like. College is so different socially. Remember that all of the other freshmen have something in common with you. You all chose your school.
There are pros and cons to all choices. I do not think choosing to not attend this college will be the answer to your doubts, especially to not go to college now at all.
You have the opportunity to live in a completely different part of the country at the best time to do it. No family or job to tie you down. Go for it!