<p>Ah what the heck. Here's the WHOLE blog entry:</p>
<p>"But yeah, something has been on my mind since a couple days ago, and I just need a place to express it, so here it is. Long read, read it if you want, I don't really mind...I just need a place to vent. I have been having serious doubts about my future and where I'll end up. I guess my biggest fear in life is failure, not living up to my potential and what I should be. Okay, so the main reason I chose to go to Berkeley is cause Haas School of Business is here, one of the top business schools in the nation. I can apply to it as early as the fall of my sophmore year. 50% of the admittance process is based on grades and coursework.</p>
<p>If I don't get into business school, I can't major in Business, so I have to major in Economics, which isn't bad at all actually--there's just no way to get an MBA in Berkeley with a major in Economics. An Economics major is based on very similar ideas as a Business major and the average salary is around the same, but it's just the fact that I would be settling that bothers me. Being at a school like Berkeley, it seems like kind of a waste to just graduate with a BA, which is why I am aspiring after Haas so much. MBA=more opportunities=more success, simple formula. If I don't get into Haas here, I'm gonna have to pursue an MBA in all likilihood at SJSU, which umm, no offense to friends in SJSU, is kind of a step down from Berkeley? </p>
<p>Of the three classes I'm currently enrolled in, let's just say I'm not doing so hot in two of them. I mean, it's not like I'm getting Cs....but something like a 3.3 GPA is not getting me into Haas. I mean, with my middle school and high school, I have always been a good student, always near the top of the class and I always knew how I had to adjust to get my grades. Easier classes, work less and still get the A....harder classes, study more and get the A. And now, I've been consistently getting Bs on papers, and it's not like HW is 40% of your grade like it was in high school, so papers and tests take up a significant portion of your grade. Some of the more sympathetic people will probably say "Oh, it's Berkeley, it's supposed to be hard, don't worry about a couple of Bs" but the thing is...it is ENTIRELY FEASABLE to get an A on at least 90% of my assignments that I've been dissapointed with. It's not like these assignments are mind blowingly impossible to comprehend, albeit it is significantly more difficult than high school and I'm only enrolled in 13 god damn units. I mean, it's not like I'm going out every day and getting drunk off my ass which deters me from academics...I spend about 3.5 hours per essay just thinking of a god damn one sentence thesis and each essay takes me like 9 hours min. to write. The effort and potential is just not proportionally matching up to the results.</p>
<p>And all of this leads to the question of why I'm incapable of performing up to my potential in this college enviornment which is really what's bothering me. I mean, on a direct scale, these grades only matter for Haas, because if I major in Economics...a good GPA is pretty much irrelevant since it doesn't take much to get a BA. But I guess it's just me...I've always had high expectations for those around me and especially myself. Maybe it's the way that my parents raised me since they never had proper educational background to be financially prosperous. My ideal job in a perfect world would be being a writer for ESPN.com writing up editorials about the NBA, but I know that something with business and a big salary is what I need to chase after. I just feel that right now, I'm falling short of self expectations and I've never been one to aim low just to get that false sense of achievement. What scares me is how this will reflect in my future if it does happen to continue on. Or hey, maybe I'm just completely blowing this thing out of the water, I'm totally willing to accept that, but this is just what I'm feeling right now, that what's coming from this just isn't enough. Sigh...winter break needs to come faster...no pressures about anything school related, just relaxation."</p>