<p>I’m always struck how sweet the kids are on FB. Last night as a bunch of ED decisions came down kids who got in posted on FB the “Dartmouth ( or whatever) Class of 2019!” Posts and got hundreds of likes and such nice comments. But also yesterday a kid who had been waiting to hear from a fairly non- selective school got in ( she was on the cusp and since all of her friends had already heard it didn’t look good) and she posted a tears of joy selfie and 'state u 2019!" Which got 1000 likes and truly lovely comments. </p>
<p>About the old days: we had a city paper that announced everything. NMFs, state athletic awards, Boys State and Girls State, dean’s lists at the high schools and the colleges, engagements, anything you can think of went in the paper with a picture. I don’t remember people being upset about it. On the contrary, everyone read the paper and then would comment on what they saw when they met up with you face to face. Was there just a different spirit back then? Were we more supportive of each other?</p>
<p>@Lizardly
Was there just a different spirit back then? Were we more supportive of each other?</p>
<p>Possibly!</p>
<p>My son;s school, his peers, his friends, do not seem to be all stressed out about this other than getting apps and essays done and losing most of a day to the SATs or ACTs. Even though they are all college bound, most of them away from home, most of them to private, fairly selective schools, it doesn’t seem to be a big focal point. I asked my son about this, and he did say that there are some kids super stressed about this, but not many. Most of them seem confident that they will get into a school they’ll like, and are not stuck on any one school or just the most selective.</p>
<p>I think things heated up a bit this past week as a lot of the ED and EA acceptances were coming in. Son’s best friend was not accepted to ED school, so the kid’s bummed out, but more so it seems because he has to get is RD apps up and going. My son applied to a number of early admissions, and is perfectly happy with his acceptances to date, so no pressure on him, so he says. His friend does not have the RD apps ready to go, so he’ s not going to be having a fun couple of weeks getting them done.</p>
<p>Though two of mine went to a school where top school admissions was a big deal, they didn’t seem that stressed about the process, though the MT kid real put me through the ringer. But he had an early accept as did most of mine and that seemed to really take off the pressure. My one son got into his first choice school EA, and as far as he was concern it was game over and never gave the college process any mind after that. </p>
<p>D’s school college counselors have reminded parents that the early decision period is a very stressful one for the high school seniors. The combination of a single disappointment at a dream school with finals around the corner is difficult, more difficult than getting a combination of positive and negative results in the spring. They ask that the kids receiving good news be sensitive to their peers and refrain from posting decisions on facebook over the next day or two. </p>
<p>I think that is a kind and reasonable approach. Sharing the news is going to sting a lot less after the disappointed kid has time to process the denial or deferral than in the fresh moment of disappointment. Telling your close friends privately is perfectly fine of course but always with a strong sense of empathy. JMO. </p>
<p>I envy people with reasonable and empathetic administrators. My dd won an award this week, and the principal was interviewing her for his remarks. He asked, “So, where are you going to college?” She replied that her ED decision was coming the next day. His response: “Yeah, but where else are you applying?” Ugghhh! She got in ED, but what a way to be supportive. :(</p>
<p>I know it sounds good to say that kids shouldn’t post on FB right away. But the fact is that at most schools that is so outside the social norm as to be considered weird. Kids are going to post right away. They just are. And what I don’t think many school admins realize is for kids that don’t get in, it’s in many ways a relief not to have to tell anyone face to face. Last night my daughter ( who didn’t apply ED…but is in a school she likes but no one is envious of) told me right before dinner that she had to leave because she and a group of girls were going to pick up Ben & Jerrys and bring it to a friend who didn’t get in ED. She was relieved she didn’t have to personally break the news. Wallowing in private disappointment and shame is something these kids don’t do. Which really the keep quiet model has them doing. In many ways it is better and healthier I believe. </p>
<p>I can’t fault an administrator or a counselor for encouraging students to have backup plans when they are applying to the most selective universities. At some, every applicant is competing with ten others for an admission. You might be clearly better than five and that leaves… four or five more that might be very comparable. The committee has to make some sort of a decision between them.</p>
<p>Of course, there are even mistakes made in which students who I’m sure would be not only successful but who would make great contributions to their university community are passed over for duds. That can make it very much a numbers game.</p>
<p>Asking whether a student has other applications completed or at least in the works shows interest and concern and isn’t automatically an expression of no confidence in that student’s application choices.</p>
<p>I guess my D’s school flouts the social norms because no one is posting decisions on social media. That’s not to say kids aren’t being supportive. What I’m hearing is that news is being passed along to trusted friends and there are quiet celebrations for those who are happy and hugs and consolation for those who are disappointed. I’m sure the news will travel fast but I think it’s good that the kids have time to process it before having to deal with the onslaught of who-got-in-where. </p>
<p>I’d like to remind everyone that getting into college isn’t the achievement. It may be the outcome of a student’s previous work and achievements, if that student is lucky. But getting into a college, even a competitive one, isn’t an achievement. Maybe the fact that people are viewing it that way is part of the problem for students since when they don’t get in, it appears as if they have failed to achieve. If getting in is an achievement then failing to get in is failing to achieve. No, getting in to a college may give students new opportunities to achieve at higher levels. Graduating is an achievement. So, those of you who are doing the humble boast should perhaps just be humble. But hey, congratulations to those of you who are graduating from high school. That is an achievement.</p>
<p>@Lizardly: “Was there just a different spirit back then? Were we more supportive of each other?”</p>
<p>I have no solid evidence for this, but I suspect that in some areas yes, and in some places no—which is pretty much the way most comparisons of social behaviors past and present work.</p>
<p>I guess I don’t understand why the college admissions “competition” is different from anything else students compete for, or why people feel they need to be coy about their results. Someone gets the highest grade on the test. Someone is the fastest in the 100m hurdles. Someone gets to be captain of the team and get the lead role in the play. It’s not kindergarten soccer anymore and not everyone gets a trophy.</p>
<p>If kids can’t handle what should be a LIKELY rejection from schools with long odds, and they can’t accept that someone in their class might have better results, they probably shouldn’t be playing the elite-college game in the first place. Topaz’s school sounds completely out of control and I am grateful my kids didn’t grow up in such an environment.</p>
<p>I think there is a difference between being humble about an accomplishment, whether it be the fastest sprinter, highest GPA, team captain, Ivy league admit etc. versus being a braggart about it. In my Ds high school, everyone knows who the braggarts are and they kind of just all roll their eyes saying “here we go again!”</p>
<p>The braggarts do get their comeuppance eventually. A friend of my son’s was legendary for his cockiness, and actually hurt some kids’ feelings by criticizing the schools they were applying to. His list was completely “elites” and “name” schools. Well, lo and behold he got shut out of every single one of them–even schools where he really ought to have been admitted based on his stats.</p>
<p>I’m having a hard time understanding how identifying a school you want to go to and working through a competitive admissions process to get accepted there does not qualify as an achievement.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I guess it’s because college decisions (1: whether or not you go to college and 2: where you go to college, in that order) have ramifications that extend far beyond, say, captaincy of a sports team or the lead role in a play.</p>
<p>Plus it has the potential to make or break a career plan, especially if the jobs sought after college are jobs that do not require an advanced degree but require a degree from an elite school, as opposed to jobs for which a college degree from a non-elite school is still acceptable.</p>
<p>It all depends on the variables. My son was totally blase about the whole thing until Saturday when he was rejected by his ED selection and found out the same day he was deferred from Early Action to regular decision by a school that admitted one of his classmates EA despite a GPA slightly below his and SAT scores 170 points less (280 points lower if writing included). He’s shocked and I must say, I am too! </p>
<p>@mccolleges , it baffles me every year that people are still “shocked” because someone with lesser stats got into a school that they didn’t. Many merit scholarships are decided by grades alone, but many colleges look at more than just grades! How do their essays compare? What did the recommendations say about each of them? Was the school in need of an oboe player/gymnast/Buddhist?</p>
<p>Good grief, to me that’s the same as saying "Why did he marry her? I’m prettier and have bigger b@@bs!</p>
<p>In our school as a whole, it’s probably a 1 considering our around one third to one half of the kids go to college locally. BUT the top kids are really competitive and go to pretty high ranking schools, so among that little group it’s like an 8.</p>
<p>Getting accepted to a good school may not be a true accomplishment per se and may qualify more as the RESULT of a history of achievement. However, admission sure felt like an accomplishment to my kids because they were able to present themselves to strangers in a way that convinced them they were worthy. Frankly, it was encouraging to receive outside validation of their accomplishments, since the high school social and political atmosphere can give a lot of kudos to certain popular/connected/conformist kids and virtually none to other deserving students. At their high school, a certain type of student was highly valued, but there were many really interesting and smart kids who just didn’t fit that narrow mold. Getting in to HYPS etc. sent a message that the definition of “good student” should be broadened.</p>