<p>I had an Andover tour today and it went REALLY badly! My mom and I did well, but my dad and brother acted pretty badly. Do they ask the student tour guide to fill out anything evaluating the student and family? I'm currently a rising seventh grader if that makes a difference.</p>
<p>Lol, noooo that would be so weird/mean if they did that…the tour if for your sake only, so you can do anything youd like (well not anything) and they probs wouldnt care. plus the tour guide is usually a student who could care less about how you act, bc their more worried about making the school look good. Also, if you acted fine then thats fine because your bro and dad arent going to BS, you are. Interview is the only part that counts</p>
<p>Well, that’s not entirely true. At Lawrenceville, if the tour guide notices anything particularly intriguing or notable about the candidate, he/she is encouraged to let the admissions office know. This could be good or bad. I have been exceedingly impressed on several tours and I made sure to convey to the admissions office how, for example, one candidate displayed his thorough research of the school through inquiring about particular research opportunities through our partnership with Princeton University. I have also been in the unfortunate position of having to tell the admissions office about some serious red flags raised during the tour. However, with all this being said, I’d say that on 90% of tours, the tour guide will give neither a compliment nor concern to the admissions office. So, as long as your father and brother didn’t do anything truly reprehensible, you should be fine. Hope that helps!</p>
<p>But since HarvardRox1199 didnt do anything bad on the tour (it was just her bro and dad) then would that count against her possibly?</p>
<p>Kelsey11 - when a school accepts an applicant, they are in effect welcoming an entire family into their school community. If you have a sibling that is a bit “rambunctious” to be polite, especially a much younger sibling, that’s one thing. If you have a parent that displays extreme behavior that could be seen as “raising a red flag” (extremely rude, or pushy, or overbearing, or very impolite, or bigoted, for example) that behavior could reflect negatively on the applicant. The school will have to deal with the parents the whole time the student is enrolled in the school, and if a parent is considered to be a “problem,” it could, unfortunately, negatively impact the student’s chances. That may not seem fair - but I believe that could be the case.</p>
<p>My son conducts tours at his BS. He has to fill out an evaluation form afterwards.</p>
<p>@harvardrox1199:
I am going to give you two words of friendly parental advice: Chill out.</p>
<p>As a parent who has navigated the search/tour/apply/matriculate process alongside his child once before (and soon to start again!), I have observed your activity on the forum over the past few months.</p>
<p>And frankly, I think you should lay off posting on CC for a bit. Do your own DD (due diligence) on the schools in which you are interested. Search the forum (using the advanced search tool to drill down into this sub forum) before posting. As just one example, there are a TON of “What to wear to interview” threads in the past. No need to start your own one (or two!). And what about asking your folks for input?</p>
<p>Another word of advice: Going forward, I would not be so explicit about when your visits/tours are. It’s not so difficult for an AO to connect the dots to determine who the person behind your screen name is…you’ve given your family config, gender, date of tour, and even what you were wearing. Which, in my opinion, is TMI.</p>
<p>Finally, note that I do know that at a few schools we visited, the student tour guides do fill out a form. I think it can be used to red flag “helicopter” parents or boorish behavior on the part of either the student or a family member.</p>
<p>But first and foremost, chill.</p>
<p>SevenDad is absolutely correct although I will say I’m very curious about dear old Dad’s behavior.</p>
<p>I definitely got the vibe at all of our tours/interviews that everyone you come in contact with are pretty much making mental notes if there are things that notably positive or negative. I would especially warn families to behave and moderate their discussions in the waiting areas of admissions office that are usually manned by at least one employee. I was amazed at how some people are completely dismissive of the admin staff and chatter on as if no one is sitting there.</p>
<p>We were at one well-known girls school and there was another mother and daughter waiting for their tour and this mother started talking to me (loudly), asking me personal questions about why were at school X, what other schools we were looking at, dissing her D’s current school. I was discreet but also noticed that the woman at the desk was openly watching this exchange and it was quite clear that this mom was making a poor impression.</p>
<p>It was through observing parents who were way worse than I was that I realized how awful I was…although in a more discreet way (I hope). I quickly reformed and became an observer, fully astute to the ways of these other parents as only a former collaborator can be.</p>
<p>For my money, the most problematic parents during college visits are the ones who believe that THEY can do something during the visit to sufficiently impress the Admissions person (receptionist, tour guide, parking attendant, etc.) to fire off an offer of admission (perhaps with a generous scholarship attached) by looking up the child in the database. Even before an application is submitted.</p>
<p>There was this little voice inside of me that prodded me to do this during admission visits with DS, but as soon as I saw other parents openly and unabashedly doing the sorts of things that my little voice was telling me to do, I backed down. At first – like all reformed persons – I sat in harsh (but silent) judgment. After hearing parents ask probing questions that lead to answers on matters a student doesn’t care about (like what the admissions officer has to say about campus safety), I decided that parents need to chill out. </p>
<p>Savvy college-touring parents relegate themselves to any one of three minor functions during college visits. I’ve tried on all three hats – and they all have their merits.</p>
<p>1) I recognized that my role was that of banker/chauffeur. After looking at the latest price tag for that particular university, my due diligence as a banker had ended and I was further reduced in status to being the chauffeur, so I went back to the rental car to read the paper and pick the ponies. One time I sat outside and admired the weather…until I became self-conscious that people might think I was a creepy stranger. No respectable child wants to come back from their tour to have the receptionist tell them to go to the campus security office to clear their chauffeur of stalking charges, so parents should stay close to their vehicles…if only to make a high-speed getaway if campus security approaches you to ask your purpose.</p>
<p>2) You can passively take notes about the application process that your child isn’t taking. Sometimes, if I did sit in on the information session, I would pick up little tidbits that the admissions officer would share about the things that they look for in an application. These things that made my ears perk up were the least relevant items to my DS. He was there to find out what it was like to be a student; not how to complete an application. The part where they explain the application process – as well as the part where they tell you that they throw around financial aid money in a most reckless fashion if you simply meet their deadlines – was the cue for DS to check out the furniture, or the way the morning light danced through the windows, or the splatter of blueberry pancake syrup he deposited on the lap of his khakis at IHOP. So I jotted down a few notes during this time and imagined myself as being useful in this way. I carried out this little charade to the point where I actually offered my notes to DS upon our return to our home. He’s a great kid, so he accepted my proffer without resisting. He even went so far as to file them with the catalogs, view books, stickers and other mailings that he never looked at.</p>
<p>3) My third – and dare I say, highest? – purpose was to chronicle the attempts of other parents who were attempting to gain admission for their child (although I suspect that some of them were actually trying to get admitted ahead of their own child). </p>
<p>Exhibit A: The dad at the Haverford information session who made a point of first telling the young female admission officer that he had to give up his weekend visitation for a month to take his daughter on a road trip to visit colleges (which I might have allowed as a pick-up attempt if he stopped there) and then proceeded to quote Irish poets as a sort of challenge to the admission officer to see if the Haverford English Department was worthy of accepting his daughter. (The admission officer was actually game and there was, for about 25 seconds, some back-and-forth banter that might have made for a highly intellectual parlor game, but this was a Thursday morning and the coffee machine wasn’t working. The admission officer also revealed that she was a Bowdoin alumna, so maybe that’s where the divorced guy’s daughter ended up.)</p>
<p>Exhibit B: The seashell-earringed, pearl necklaced, heavily-made up mother, at the Wesleyan information session, who reacted to each “we’re looking for the kind of student who…” statement by making a Carol Merrill “Let’s Make A Deal” gesture toward her bow-tied and navy blazered son, as though he was a jar of Sue Bee Honey that the admission officer needs to make a bid on. It was annoying until I realized that it could be worse. The kid’s dad could have been Johnny Olson.</p>
<p>Exhibit C: The mom on the science tour at Oberlin who kept telling the tour guide how her child had already won blue ribbons for performing experiments – just like the one that the Chemistry Department chairperson was conducting in the lab that we had to look in on with special goggles and also the other one that they displayed in the physics building in which the Arecibo Observatory was put at the disposal of the professor for 200 hours. The giveaway that even a novice parent-watcher could detect was the mom’s loudly projected comment, “This place is so amazing that now I’m hoping that you don’t get accepted early to Yale so that you can come here!” Well, that wasn’t the giveaway. The giveaway was when she realized that she said this after the tour group peloton had moved ahead, so she caught up with the group and repeated herself so that the tour guide could hear her the second time.</p>
<p>At first, there’s this part of you that makes you hope that the admissions people see through these desperate attempts by parents to shoe-horn their kids into the good graces of the admission officers…and then you realize that sort of thinking is simply the flip-side of the “maybe I can be impressive enough to get my kid into Harvard” coin.</p>
<p>Here’s another game for savvy parents: When the tour guide or admissions officer asks “survey” questions, like “Who’s visiting from out of state?” or “How many people here today want to major in business administration?” try to count to see how many parents raise their hands or elaborate beyond that. I’m counting on you to not be one of those parents.</p>
<p>If I raised my hand I don’t remember but God I hope not. Thanks D’yer Maker I will adhere to your reminders.
We once made the mistake of bringing our 4 year old daughter with us on a tour / interview who successfully pulled the school’s fire alarm, needless to say her brother did not attend.</p>
<p>On DS’s interview/tour day, our younger daughter was out of sorts because I made her wear a skirt, and she had to come with us because we didn’t have a babysitter. Getting out of the car, I was admonishing her for acting up, saying we want to make a good impression, and “everything counts,” etc. This was not the time to act surly, etc.</p>
<p>As fate would have it, the Admissions Director at this CHASED school was entering the Admissions building at the exact same time, and overheard our conversation. He appeared to be amused, but said nothing. He simply introduced himself and asked if we were here for an interview.</p>
<p>At any rate, I don’t think her antics or my admonishment made a deep impression. They both got in two years apart. I think DS and DD, got in to said school on their merit (grades and accomplishments and recs and talents).</p>
<p>That said, I think you always want to put your best foot forward. “Everything counts.”</p>
<p>DyerMaker- You should publish your posts…seriously, they are hilarious. I would add to your advice to parents that if you see other people edge away from you on the tour it’s time to be quiet! RBGG- I’m sure they see that all the time! And, they probably have their own children, so they understand. Is your daughter going to CHASED next year? ;-)</p>
<p>@Baystateresident: You know it. :)</p>
<p>I just read thru Dyer’s post again more slowly. It IS hilarious. I’ll mention last Columbus Day WE, my daughter had an interview at DA. In the large room, where you wait until the tour starts, one alumnus dad kept pulling out all the yearbooks from his past days and feverishly showing off all the pics to his candidate daughter and his wife. Then, when the interviewer came to whisk his daughter away behind closed doors to get her away from the hypervigilant parents, he announced to the interviewer and the whole room at large that his daughter was a dancer.</p>
<p>Now my kids have taken dance and many, many years of competitive gymnastics, and I have to say it’s fairly easy to spot a serious dancer by virtue of body habitus, and this girl looked as far removed from a dancer as you can get. Yet, the interviewer trying to be polite, uttered, “so you like dancing,” to which the candidate enthusiastically nodded. It was quite a show and I have to admit I wondered some time thereafter, if she got in, and whether the legacy status is so highly valued, that it is "forgiving’ of other type of errors and drawbacks, like the helicopter parent.</p>
<p>Great choice! 
I have a young relative heading there as well. I miss my days as a CHASED parent…enjoy it! Having them at college is just not the same.</p>
<p>I’ll add a story from our tour at Yale. While walking around, the hyper competitive parent group we were with grilled EACH OTHER about where they were from, what AP classes the kids were taking etc etc, barely listening to the tour guide! I couldn’t wait to get out of there.</p>
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<p>This would be the “dad,” I presume, who is an adult, functions adequately in the adult world, holds a job, and will be paying your tuition if you’re admitted?</p>
<p>I’m sorry he embarrasses you, but you should be thankful that he cares enough about you to even be a part of the boarding school application process. There are plenty of parents who think boarding schools are nonsense, wouldn’t ever bother visiting one, and wouldn’t in a million years ever allow their child to apply. You’re one of the lucky ones - tell him “thank you” and quit complaining.</p>
<p>By the way, I can’t imagine that anyone cares how a rising 7th grader (or her family) behaves on a tour of Andover. You can’t even be considered for admission for another year!</p>