<p>Gladmom, I'm really happy to hear another parent saying they did all the things I am trying to do for my daughter. I wish I could say that I had more time to be involved. I've told my daughter that it's her job to be a student - and that's what her focus should be. Academics, extracurriculars, volunteer work - the choices she makes shape her available college choices. She's the one that has to do all of the work. My job requires a lot of organization so I have suggested various methods of tracking deadlines, information required, etc. which she has adapted and used - we've talked about finances and how to pay for college and she's already researching scholarships (she's a junior now). So it's been kind of a blend of support/encouragement/and a bit of typing and registering for SATs. But it's been fun and we've learned a lot about each other in the process. I definitely feel that she wanted my involvement far more than son, but they are different students, applying to different types of schools. I guess I want to help as long as I'm able to and she wants me to. That's really the key.</p>
<p>1 down, 1 to go (could be my middle name):
Thanks for the validation. In our town/area we have a huge "tradition" of parents doing for their kids (including homework well into highschool). But I believe that college admissions counselors can tell when a parent has influenced an essay. And frankly, I am not interested in applying to college again. Been there, done that; loved it. But the kids are on their own.</p>
<p>The hardest part was that son#1 was not overly organized, nor terribly ambitious. Used to getting by on his smarts, good looks and charm. I could have organized and planned him to death. But that's not the person he is or is ever going to be. So he had to choose and get into a school that suited his personality and work ethic, not mine. It was not always easy to keep out of it, but it was best that we did.</p>
<p>Whole different deal with son #2. He's a sophomore, already has his junior and senior schedules worked out and has started exploring colleges. Because of HIS personality and work ethic, we will be even less involved with his college app process -- I expect it will just be to provide the credit card number and buy the plane tix.</p>
<p>Sabaray, thanks for your comments. I have said those same words to my son, that it is his job to be a student. Sounds like you have a great balance between helping and hovering, and good luck in the search. My son and I, too, have enjoyed the college application journey together, and it continues ... we await the enhanced financial aid package, and are hoping for good news. You are wise to be talking finances already with your daughter.</p>
<p>I think that parents should definitely be involved regarding $. Parents should let their children know exactly how much money they are willing to pay or borrow for their education even before the college search begins. Families are required to come up with the difference between the financial aid award (which might be nothing) and the college's budget. </p>
<p>Even though I helped my son considerably with the clerical aspect of his applications, I am confident that he will be quite independent when he is on campus next year, 2000 miles from home. He handles his schoolwork and activities wonderfully, and has honed his studying skills this year with his multiple AP schedule (his choice). He even plans to stay on the west coast after graduation because our midwest weather is so very vile.</p>
<p>My sons are homeschooled, which makes me the teacher and high school counselor. As a result, I've had to take an active role in the process to ensure all the school-oriented documentation are sent on time and in the proper format. I've also worked closely with my sons in evaluating the pros and cons of the different schools, and they certainly consider my opinion when weighing their options, but the final decision is theirs (if they can afford it).
As an earlier poster mentioned, when I'm paying the bill I expect to have some input in the final decision, but I tend to support my son's preferences, as long as I can afford it. I was surprised to find that his status as an URM did not seem to have any significant effect on admissions or financial aid decisions, despite numerous postings I've read that suggest a huge advantage to the under-represented. All such decisions thus far have been just as I would have predicted if I were only considering test scores, grades, and EC's. Based on what I've seen in NC, the advantages can be attributed more to geography than race.</p>
<p>There's been a huge difference between my D1 and D2. Just last year D1 was in charge of everything: she researched schools and dragged the whole family on her college tour; introduced me to CC, applied to schools I've never heard of before and kept track of everything. She did let me look over her essays before they went out, but first warned me that she would not change a thing. She got in early to the school she is now going to (on the opposite coast), and then we all relaxed through the rest of acceptances/rejections.</p>
<p>D2, a middle child, sweet, artistic, has pretty much turned me into her administrative assistant. I had to keep everything organized, down to her logins/passwords for when decisions come out. She has no interest in checking other people's stats on CC, and seems to show only mild interest in where she will be going to school this fall. She told me to go ahead and open whatever college envelope might be waiting for her. So far, she has gotten into one safety. I am a nervous wreck waiting for the rest of the schools, hovering on the different college forums. April 1st can't come soon enough for me.</p>
<p>One area that parents should definitely stay in the background is college sports recruiting. College coaches want to be approached by student-athletes, NOT their parents. Some coaches say that when parents make the contacts, it gives them a negative feeling, believing that the parent are pushing the kid. They want student-athletes to contact them directly and indicate their interest in the sport and the school.</p>