<p>When asked if our son is going to be a doctor like his parents we tend to say he's too smart to do that... (physicians will understand the myriads of reasons). He's as strong willed as his parents and we can tell him anything we want and he'll do what he wants to. He got a double dose of the math/science gene/environment so he's into that area by his choice. </p>
<p>I would find ways over the next few years to inform/teach your brother and his children that there are choices, and the child is in charge of where and what they do. This could be in the form of giving them books and other literature over time. Starting now gives your brother time to become informed and get used to the idea of letting go without pressuring him.</p>
Ditto for me, my ex and our kids. The kids pretty much grew up announcing they would NEVER be lawyers, too.... but my daughter has started making noises about law school and has lined up a summer internship with the ACLU, so I don't know, maybe it's in the genes. (Me, my ex, and my father before me all are/were the type of lawyers that spend all their time focused on "causes" and representing the indigent... somehow it is not as much fun if the client actually has the ability to pay.) </p>
<p>But the big difference is that my parents and my ex's parents paid our way through law school. (Cal & UCLA, respectively, at <$750/annual tuition - I would have/could have paid my own way but my parents were so insistent that I decided to humor them by graciously accepting what seemed like a rather insignificant amount.)</p>
<p>I have told my kids that grad school / law school is entirely on them... there is no way I could afford current law school tuitions, and I can't see how my kids could ever manage them either.</p>
<p>To answer the original question: no, we don't tell our kids what to major in. The only thing that came close is that I strongly suggested to my daughter to <em>say</em> she would major in Russian on applications, knowing that it would enhance chances of admission at her targeted schools, and she planned to continue studying the language whether she would major in it or not. (Beats saying "undecided"). </p>
<p>At this point it looks like both kids will end up as poli sci majors; their dad was a history major, I had an individualized major strongly grounded in poli sci. So I guess in our case the apples don't fall far from the tree. </p>
<p>I think it comes from too much discussion of politics over the dinner table when they were young.</p>
<p>I think the role of a parent is to make sure your kid will have good choices to choose from. Such as making sure they are good in math such that they will not be automatically shut out from many potential choices.</p>
<p>?I know what that %^%$^&* LB is going to say?</p>
<p>I was wondering how many of you had that thought before even reading the post.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, I actually have a great story to tell about my involvement of my kid?s selection of their major(s). I started the conversation when my D was in JH. I asked my kids, if they know their grand parent?s name and then about their grand parents? grand parents. Of course they don?t know any thing about them. </p>
<p>Then I asked if they know any thing about Newton, Einstein, and Beethoven etc. They all know something. So I asked them, why they will know someone who lived so long ago and not their relatives but not anything about their own relatives. I told them that because these people make significant contribution to the human society.</p>
<p>I said that both of you are very smart and capable of doing great things. To select a major to study, you should select something that you love to do and could make the biggest contribution to the human society. </p>
<p>Last night on dinner table, I actually shared the phase ?Choose something you love to do, and you'll never work a day in your life." With them and they appeared very appreciative. Of course, I also cautioned them about one survives on breads so a balance must be achieved. </p>
<p>I earned my B. Sc. before my 21st birthday. I did not have known then nor do I know now what I really like to do as a career because I have to work to support my family. I want my kids to have more than I did, including the freedom to select what their careers. </p>
<p>As long as they are within those four I picked out.</p>
<p>There may be hope for you yet, LB. You should read the commencement speech I mentioned in post #7.</p>
<p>Here's a more complete excerpt, though, since the speech tends to ramble:</p>
<p>".....I remember the thing that freed me, post Caltech... the advice being not "Dare to Dream" ----Every young person dares to dream, frankly. It's all they do all day. The key is not "dare to dream," it's Dare to Disappoint your Father!" That's right, Caltech graduates, freedom begins now. Diploma in hand, start today to veer wildly off course. Have your graduation lunch, let your parents get a few bites in, then tell them your hideous summer plans --- skiing, snorkeling, belly-dancing, sleeping. Try out for American Idol...why not?</p>
<p>"And you Asian students, that goes double for you. You know who you are. Look at me, I went into the liberal arts which, for a Chinese father, is like pole dancing."</p>
<p>Sandra Tsing Loh is a very funny L.A. area writer and commentator on radio. She had a show on NPR called "The Loh Down" and has written several books. "A Year in Van Nuys" is hilarious.</p>
<p>In our family, my husband and I are just the 'sounding boards', not the deciders.</p>
<p>We've got a strong-willed, independent sort, who for the very first time, doesn't seem to know exactly what she wants to do yet. She went into this thinking MD, MD, MD (as MANY h.s. kids do...lol!). But she quickly realized, as she began taking classes, there are many OTHER things she loves in addition to sciences; and she now finds herself reluctant to eliminate options. </p>
<p>Fortunately, she is also starting to ask more questions about what people actually DO in their careers and with their degrees, as opposed to judging a major's merit based on the likability of the classes, or how much money can be made. Every major has the occasional tedious, boring requirement, or the 'thrills a minute' requirement...but neither is the basis for deciding if a career will be the one you love so much, it isn't really 'work'. And money has never bought happiness.</p>
<p>She has even pondered if she has been too quick to dismiss business as an option. I've never thought of her as the business type, but she'll get a chance to work at a private equity startup this summer. Hopefully, she find some answers. Maybe she'll end up in that perfect blend of life sciences and business in the school of public health. UNC-CH is certainly the university for it. But who knows? The only thing we've demanded is that she give it time and think things through carefully. We don't have to live with the decision; she does.</p>
<p>(My husband WOULD like it if she graduated on time though...I'm patting his hand through this one...)</p>
<p>Addenda- I think son is going to be an absent minded professor, based on his past behavior... I said this to a friend with an equally gifted girl, she laughed and said it fit her HS D... Seriously, it will be interesting to see what son becomes, I can't see him as an engineer or physician, and someone has to teach those college students...</p>
<p>H and I tried to steer a path for our kids only because our own parents did zero for us. By that I mean we applied for college; they paid the app fee(s) and they found out where we were going when we told them what the letters said. They dropped us off at the dorm and waived good bye and we let them know 4 years later when the graduation ceremony was so they wouldn't miss it. I don't mean this in a bad way, like they hated us, but these were 50's parents, the kind who told you to go out and play in the yard until dinner was ready, asked if you'd done your homework after and then put you to bed. A helicopter was something you rode around in, not something you did to your kids.</p>
<p>We are both no-longer-practicing attys, so we thought it might be a good idea to help the kiddos find a career they could love instead of one that just earns money. The eldest is majoring in comm. disorders and is going to audiology grad school. She likes science but not enuf to do the hard stuff, and she's been interested in deaf issues since riding the special ed bus to her public gifted school (in our district gifted is considered special ed so they ride the same bus to the same school - lots of "signed" assemblies and such). The second one is in engrg cause she loved legos and building things. The caboose loves to sing and loves psychology (my ug major and his sister's double major, so it must be in the blood). Hopefully he'll get a job when he gets out doing something. But hey, his grandpa started out as a hs football coach and wound up the head of a travel agency earning $250k. You don't have to go to med school to do well.</p>
<p>I confess, I steer a middle ground. My growing up experience was having my dad tell me I would never have to work due to family finances and then finding out somewhere in my 30's, after having 2 kids, that he was wrong:).</p>
<p>So the making a living part I can't ignore. I have not dictated D's major. However, when D said, Mom, how about I don't major in Neuroscience I major in Religion instead??? I said, well making a living might be rough. So I nudge, I guess is the way to put it, and try to bring some reality to my kids. Their way of life was supported by my inheritance which allowed us to live somewhat beyond our salaries. I have worried that my kids won't understand what the real world is like. Which usually does involve earning a living. </p>
<p>Now, if D wanted to do Religion and then go to law or medical school:). Just kidding.</p>
<p>And really, I haven't dictated anything, as I said.</p>
<p>Well my Jr. D finally announced two weeks ago (after much circling around the subject, dropping hints, hemming and hawing...) that she intends to pursue violin performance as undergrad. H and I (sort of) saw this coming, but for the last year she's been reluctant to be that decisive about it, and she still has many academic interests that might yet change her mind. She's a humanities and arts kid, and that's just fine with us. Both H and I got humanities degrees, and we each have pursued several different career paths (none of which would we have found in a career guide back in the 60s or 70s). </p>
<p>I agree, the "making a living" thing requires sober consideration, especially when you've made the choice to pursue a low paying field. Performing arts is hard and we want more for her than an open violin case on a street corner (LOL), so that will shape decisions about college financing and complementary education. But a bachelor's degree is just the first step, and life is what you make it, after all.</p>
<p>My husband thought he wanted to be a Dr. I think growing up Jewish on Long Island, it was one of very few options he thought he had. He got into U Penn and Oberlin and went to Oberlin. He never did get into med school (his grades suffered because he was having so much fun--and Oberlin has GREAT sciences--this was just what happened for my husband). He ended up starting a business after several dead end jobs and is much better off than the MDs and lawyers he knows.</p>
<p>again to laserbrother</p>
<p>I know you love your kids. It shines through every post. I feel you're going to stick with us and support them in finding their own wonderful, unique places in "the world of work".</p>
<p>I hope I hope I hope I will continue to just be a sounding board in these areas. S is a freshman. My test is yet to come! "Underwater basket weaving? How exciting!" I'm practicing.</p>
<p>I am of the opposite experience. My S has known since age 12 that he wanted to be a lawyer. This was quite a shock to his former music major, career hopping mother.</p>