How is this essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>So I just took a test from the BB and I was wondering if you guys could critique my essay and give it a score out of 6 or out of 12. I'll take the average of what I get and apply that to my score. This essay was exactly 2 pages, ending on the last line.</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group of organization to function, questioning the people in charge – even if they are experts or leaders in their fields – makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support you position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>The ideas and decisions of those in authority must constantly be questioned. Without questioning what is being done, we are no better than the mindless “proles” in George Orwell’s 1984. When we take the time to question the decisions of authority, we ourselves are forced to think about the issue. This augmentation of thinking into our society will help to create more independent future generations.</p>

<pre><code>As infants, we blindly follow all decisions made by the only authority in our life, our parents. Whenever we would disobey the wishes or mandates of our parents we would be sat down and they would explain why their ideas must be followed. By questioning the parent, the child learns the reason behind the decisions and is now more capable of making its own decisions in the future. This created a more independent child who will grow up to think for themselves.

On the other hand, if the baby had not questioned the decision of the parents it would never learn the reasoning behind it. This situation exemplifies why authority must constantly be questioned. No matter how knowledgeable the authority is on the subject at hand, it will only help society if their actions are questioned.
When the current generation of authoritative people hand over their positions of authority to the next generation, they want their successors to be able to think for themselves and be able to independently makes decisions. If the ideas and decisions of people in position of authority is never questioned, the incoming generation will lack the necessary thinkers required of people in positions of authority.

This process is akin to the teacher-student relationship that is seen so often in schools. If the student mindlessly copies down what the teacher is saying, they will never truly grasp the concepts of the material being taught. Instead, they must ask questions such as “why does this happen” or “why can we not do the same thing this way”.

By questioning the ideas and decisions of people in positions of power or authority, we as a population benefit by becoming better thinkers. This routing of mindlessly droning on and simply following all instructions given is not one that will birth great thinkers. Great men like Galileo and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did not simply follow the decisions made by the people in positions of authority. These great thinkers challenged the ideas set by their society and the people in power, showing how by questioning the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority, they were able to become such great thinkers.
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<p>** Thanks for taking the time. Also, be as critical of this essay as you see fit, as I need to improve on it, given that writing is my worst section. **</p>

2

<p>Its kind of weird that the old shoes of 1984, Galileo and MLK show up here but relegated to the intro and conclusion. </p>

<p>Your general approach here isnt doomed to failure but you need to be more specific in your examples. For instance what if the child <em>never</em> questions rules like “dont talk to strangers” or “you are not allowed to cross the street by yourself”. Not to age out these prohibitions would at some point prevent the child from becoming an adult. You could have demonstrated that the questioning of rules was necessary for “independent future generations.”</p>

<p>Likewise you should have something more concrete in your teacher example. Maybe “you cant divide by 0” or “you cant take the square root of a negative number” or even “color in the lines”. At some point those <em>specific</em> things are blocking progress. </p>

<p>Its a hard format to grade. Because Galileo and Dr. Martin Luther King pop up in the conclusion and dont reenforce the points you have been making I think this is a 4, which is “adequate examples and reasons”.</p>

3

<p>disconnected @ pts (you reference the novel/galileo/dr martin without ever going back)
a bit awkward (not TOO important)
some grammar errors (not a big deal, minimize if u can)
only 1 example you explain, even then you could make a little more concrete like arg said
try using 2-3, including history/literature (biggest deal)</p>

<p>ur baby/student questing example was v good, related well 2 ur pt. like arg said try to make it a bit more specific.</p>

<p>what i would do to ur paper in a few changes:</p>

<p>take out the novel reference
make ur baby/student example a bit more concrete
choose either galileo/dr martin (both are v good for this topic, imo galileo relates the best) if time allows, then you can use both of them + the baby/student. 2 “good” is better than 3 “ehh”
give galileo/dr martin examples concretes</p>

<p>i would give it a 4</p>

4

<p>Thanks so much! So do you think that I just need to get better with explaining my examples, and I would be able to get closer to a 6? I actually did not even think about Galileo and Dr. King until I was writing my conclusion ~5 minutes before the end of time, so I just chucked them in there. Also, is it okay for me to have those hypothetical examples like the ones with the baby or student?</p>

5

<p>Was your strategy just to have generic topics? Because I think that can be done, its just a harder road. </p>

<p>If you just backed into this approach then you haven’t sufficiently prepared. Go over all the examples you have learned in school in advance, that way they will be top of mind when the exam comes. The body paragraphs should tie specifics about the examples to Reasons that support your thesis.</p>

6

<p>I liked the baby example, but not the student one. Regardless, I think it would be better if you used 1984, Galileo or Dr. King as examples - two or three if them in specific "example paragraphs in the middle of the essay. </p>

<p>You do have the general sense of things though. If you take your first two paragraphs, add a historical example that supports the thesis and then keep you conclusion (without the second sentence) you’d have the makings of a really good essay (with a little more work on grammar anyway).</p>

7

<p>Reread your paper out loud.</p>