<p>I would be concerned if your kid actually loved all the schools visited. They might all have similarities, but each is different, even if the differences are subtle.</p>
<p>There will, of course, be schools that a student likes more than others. Out of twelve schools that my son visited, there were only two that he couldn’t see himself attending, and it wasn’t because he thought there was anything “wrong” with the school. They were all light years ahead of his current school.</p>
<p>If you do your research before visiting, you probably will like them all, unless you are a 13 year old specialist. My kids are not. They have their hands in everything so the very strong science department at one school may make their heart flutter at one school and the amazing visual arts program at another will do the same.</p>
<p>I think those subtle differences are best investigated at the revisits, when you have more than a 45 minute tour and you meet more than 1 or 2 students.</p>
<p>I think if a student falls in love with every school, they’re not looking closely enough. The schools have such vastly different personalities.</p>
<p>Sometimes people fall in love with the “idea” of going to boarding school and don’t focus on the specific attributes and student characteristics of each one.</p>
<p>Trust me, after you attend, the “bloom” will be off the road as the strenuous academics set in. So the support network comes from many of the less obvious aspects of the school are often key to a successful adjustment.</p>
<p>I guess “love” is the wrong term. Out of all those schools last year, son did not have the same reaction at all of them, but he did like 10 of them enough to apply. Luckily, the one where he felt that weird “spark” at his tour is the one that he is attending. </p>
<p>It goes to show that everyone’s situation is different. My daughter doesn’t have the luxury of only applying to three or four schools. She is a high need FA applicant with no local options. Hopefully, one of the schools that she “likes” will “love” her enough to admit her with needed aid. If she’s extremely lucky, a school that she “loves” will admit her. Luckily, she is open-minded enough not to look at just top tier schools. If at any time, she discovers something about any of her schools that creeps her out enough to make her think that she couldn’t live with it, she won’t apply. It’s pretty simple. The time to decide which you love the most is after you know which you have a choice at. </p>
<p>I don’t believe in wasting people’s time, so common app or not, if she can’t name 5 things she loves about a school, she will not apply. That’s my rule.</p>
<p>@neato: I like your “5 things you love” rule. I’ll try that soon.</p>
<p>As I’ve noted, with our D, she’s liked many of the schools that we’ve visited. But “Loved”? Perhaps right after we’ve left campus,however they seem to have blended together for her/us now, months and miles after our summer visits. I’m looking forward to going back to a few of the NE schools this weekend…will report back with any observations worth sharing.</p>
<p>@ExieMIT: I do think it’s possible for someone to fall in love with two or three schools, but based on different factors for each. You could love one school for its campus and another for its science program, etc. What’s more, BS is so different from Day or public school that much of the stuff will feel worthy of falling in love just because it’s so different.</p>
<p>When making the decision to apply, my criteria was “would you rather stay at home than attend this bs?” As much as my d had to change schools (college was her only other option) there were schools that she did think were right for her.</p>
<p>While making plans for our visits, I chose a variety of schools; big, medium, small, rural, suburban and small town. We looked at schools 1st and 2nd tier schools. It was easier for my d to decide on a rural school when she saw the other types. It was clear she didnt want a big school but loved medium sized schools because of the diversity but the closeness she felt.</p>
<p>We visited schools with no dress code to those than had formal dress. We compared schools with faculty sit down meals and those that didnt.</p>
<p>Even though we did have a favorite school that we thought was a great fit, we knew which schools didnt meet the experience she wanted, thus didnt apply.</p>
<p>Could she had fit in many places, yes.</p>
<p>SevenDad,</p>
<p>I get that - my daughter had several schools she loved for different reasons. My response was to an earlier post that suggested the student my fall in love with “every” school. In those cases, I hold that the love may have more to do with “concept” than “reality.”</p>
<p>But, having said that, the campus visits are a must. I found that schools seemed completely different in person than the PR of a viewbook. I wasn’t sure I even recognized my own alma mater from their viewbook :-)</p>
<p>Throughout this whole process, I think perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind, for our children, is not to just fall in “love” with just one school. As Neatoburrito mentioned the other day, it is extremely important to keep the child’s mind open until after March 10th. To do otherwise would be to set them up for possible disappointment.</p>
<p>When my d applied, we took a very similar approach as Neatoburrioto: My daughter “loved” almost all the schools we visited. And parenthetically, “loved” is the right word for us. I think it depends on where you are coming from. To a child who loves to learn, and who loves school, loves extracurriculars and sports, and comes from a public school with very limited resources and teachers who are not energized and passionate about their profession, it is easy to “love” these boarding schools.</p>
<p>But anyway, we took a similar approach and applied to a lot of schools. However, it was extremely important for me to try my best to keep my d’s mind open. The one question I repeatedly asked, throughout the admission process, and right up until March 9th, was, “If every single school rejects you, except this school, would you be happy there? Would you still be thrilled to go there?”</p>
<p>This was our basic test in determining whether to apply to a particular school, after the preliminary research and visits. Of course, there were preferences. But usually, when the preferences were mentioned, I would go to the obvious lower choices and reiterate the same thing: If X is the only school that accepts you, will you love to go there? And right up to the end, my d’s answer was always “yes.” I was the same way, with the exception of one school I wasn’t to crazy about.</p>
<p>Years ago we visited 8 of the top schools with my daughter. She applied to all and was rejected or WL to all but one, where she was WL for financial aid. A week after the axe had fallen, we visited one more school, a “safety” school. She was admitted immediately with generous aid.</p>
<p>Fast forward 6 years. We visited four match schools with son. One was at the bottom of his list and had the highest admit rate, so we considered it a safety. They called to tell us that if he were admitted there would be no aid. We withdrew the app. He was accepted at the other three and the “withdrawn” app received a wait list notification! (sorry, you were our safety, after all!)</p>
<p>My advice is to find at least two schools that you consider solid matches or safeties. Do NOT conclude that only large selective schools have plenty of aid. A simple calculation of endowment/# of students on aid will give you the aid stats for any school, big or small. Also, remember that your child might be better off as a big fish in a little pond.</p>
<p>Parents should have a little notebook to jot down the childs reactions to XXXXX…you decide the criteria. Compile these notes in real time, on site. After visit three, the schools, fields, buildings, etc. can be hard to distinguish from each other by memory.</p>
<p>We also carried a camera and snapped away at will. Be the photo-crazed mom and you’ll be the wiser later!</p>
<p>Could someone please help me understand how to identify a ‘safety’? All I can figure is to look at the SSAT scores. It seems in every list the admissions rates are btw 20-40%. Those rates all seem low to me. So how do you know a school is a match or safety for your child? Thank you!</p>
<p>Baseballmom - your reference to a child possibly being better off as a “big fish in a little pond” resonates with me and is something I have been thinking a lot about. My D has stats that would make her a respectable applicant to all the top 10 schools. We have decided to take at least 2 of those schools off our list. After much conversation, we agreed that our perception of certain schools and the effort they might require for her to maintain her current grades, might effectively take the element of “fun” out of her High School experience. While D stated she would take a different approach to college selection, she feels she can achieve her goals for High School in a less stressful enviornment. I think she has this one right.</p>
<p>Sannibel,</p>
<p>School visits make “fit” very clear, but if you can’t visit or if you’re in the process of narrowing it all down, I would say look at student blogs, google and see what you can find re: the school or students, try to get a sense of campus life from viewbooks (with the caveat that they are putting their best foot forward because they are recruiting).</p>
<p>Fit means</p>
<ol>
<li>does your child’s interest reflected in campus life?</li>
<li>is the school focus compatible (arts, nerdy, math, etc)?</li>
<li>is the school within an easy commute to an urban area, or do you prefer one in a more rural isolated area?</li>
<li>is there geographic diversity?</li>
<li>is there economic diversity? (i.e. parents you can relate to, children your child can relate to?)</li>
<li>are the faculty more hands-off or hands-on?</li>
<li>big school (1100+), medium school (600), small?</li>
<li>will your child be “one in a crowd” or “integral part of the community” (talk to other parents)</li>
<li>will you be treated as family or just the “payer.”</li>
</ol>
<p>And which of the above is important for you and your child.</p>
<p>Start slow, don’t rush it. It’s overwhelming at first, but it eases.</p>
<p>Re Safeties: If you are looking at top schools, there are no clear “safeties”. You have to apply to a critical number of schools–consultant told us 5-6–if you want to increase odds of an acceptance. Another strategy is to include one or 2 second/third tier schools which may be what some call safeties, although if a school senses you’re perceiving it as a safety, they may choose more enthusiastic candidates. Like others say above, these schools should also be ones your child would be happy to attend. One other tip is that you should go out on a limb and tell one school that it is your first choice (do not say this to more than one). It does make a difference to AOs to hear/know this as they want their yield high.</p>
<p>Telling the AO their school is your first choice can appear insincere, EVEN THOUGH IT ISN’T. And it may be interpreted as such. When I mentioned that to one of the athletic coaches, he responded, “Yeah, everybody says that.” The funny thing was, I truly meant it–and this was also the school where my d now attends. I think an enthusiastic, but lower-key approach is more effective. There are so many people saying “this is my first choice” that for an AO it must ring hollow and disingenuous.</p>
<p>I can’t see a good reason not to share a preference with an AO if a particular school stands out for a candidate. Maybe some kids say that everywhere, but if they don’t mean it quite sincerely, that probably comes through.</p>
<p>Going back to original question — Just back from a few more visits this week.</p>
<p>In the end, we will have requested info from 13, visited 8, and apply to 3-5.</p>
<p>Hi SevenDad, I seem to like all the schools we visited, and I am having a problem shortlisting. You have done a great job of shortlisting from 8 to 4. Can you please elaborate how you went about doing it? Thanks.</p>
<p>@Invent: I don’t think there’s a magic bullet, unfortunately. it’s another one of those “every family is different” situations.</p>
<p>A few schools were dropped off the list after tours/visits because our daughter (and in one case, our entire family) had a negative reaction to the tour/visit. What we seem to “go for” most of all is friendly people who seem enthusiastic about their school AND our family. At our favorite schools, the conversation in the car driving away is usually “So and so was so nice. And funny, too.” not “Can you believe that Science Center?”</p>
<p>So far, three schools (and yes, they can be counted among “the usual suspects”) have been standing out. And we could stop there. The four and fifth, if they emerge, would come out of upcoming visits — and were part of a conscious decision to look at some schools a little closer to home.</p>
<p>On our most recent drive back from NE, my wife and I estimated that we’d be making the round trip (regardless of school) to BS at least 9 times during the school year: Fall Drop Off, Parents Weekend, Thanksgiving (pick up and drop off), Winter Break (pick up and drop off), Spring Break (pick up and drop off), Summer Break. That’s a lot of driving when you are 2 working parents with another child with her own day school calendar to manage. This factor alone is the deal breaker for one of my personal favorites: Thacher in California. I am but one parent and my significant other continues to veto my suggestions of an exploratory trip to Ojai.</p>
<p>I think in the end for us there will be 3-4 from NE, and 1 from Mid-Atlantic.</p>
<p>I like another parent’s suggestion of asking the child to name 5 things (major things, too, not the mascot or food) they like about each school. If they/you can’t, then cross that off the list.</p>
<p>I would suggest working with your parents to rank your consideration set on paper. Then just draw a line after 5 (or however many you can stomach prepping applications for). Best of luck!</p>
<p>Thank you SevenDad, it is interesting. I’ll start listing things that stand out in my mind about each school and go from there. :)</p>
<p>This is what I heard and experienced.
Some kids “love” BS schools after they visited. Most of them just compared to their current public/day school.
Some kids turn to “hate” BS schools after they got rejected letters.
Some kids “select” BS schools could just based on how much the impression in their mind once they got multiple admissions.
Some kids can not imagine himself/herself how stessful it is when they are in a 12 smart students of math/science class.
Some kids can not imagine himeself/herself why he/she can not make to varsity team even he/she was superstar at local school.
Some kids can not figure out what is a fit school. They probably only can see the “love” parts.</p>
<p>I fell into a trap last year that we like the schools we visited. but I did not see/imagine if my kid will be happy/fit in classroom or at the hallway of the dorm.</p>
<p>Just my 2 cents</p>