I provided a bunch of factual information - costs, rankings, admissions histories, summary of CDS data, etc., back at the beginning of the process. I’ve been mostly an observer since. I probably would have left off one or two of the schools to which she applied, and would have added one or two others, but not enough to try to step in.
The only possible point I see getting involved is if she is declined at MIT and Stanford, but admitted to CMU. She has CMU further down her list, behind Purdue(accepted, Honors), UIUC (TBD) and possibly GTech. I’ll ask her to look beyond “it’s too familiar, I want to go somewhere new” and fully consider the strenght and opportunities of the programs. She can still make the decision, but think it’s worth a fresh set of eyes.
She’s not too keen on Cornell either - I won’t push that one, if admitted.
Even if the family didn’t put a cap on the tuition, and did let the son apply to Hofstra knowing it would cost $30k more per year, it isn’t too late to prevent making a big (BIG) financial mistake. We all know as the process goes on things change. How many people regret taking those student loans and wish they would have done it differently?
My daughter recently went shopping for a new car. She has the money saved and decided she really wanted a VW Tiguan. Well, after finding the car she wanted, even with the cinnamon interior (!) she decided it was just too much money and if she was going to spend that much she wanted an Audi. $$$$. In her most adult decision to date, she’s driving her boyfriend’s grandmother’s Chevy Malibu, and a 2009 at that. It is okay to change your mind over big dollar decisions and this is a $120k decision.
Better to admit they shouldn’t have applied to such expensive schools than to let the son borrow money he doesn’t have to and start life out in debt. It really is okay to say “Whoa! we didn’t know it would be that expensive or that you could save $120k by staying instate.”
If it were me, I wouldn’t be willing to take out parent loans for my kid’s college, so that would put Hofstra in the “no” category. If you were to add some laziness & lack of school motivation on the student’s part in high school, then it would be a firm no. I would tell my kiddo that we would consider him transferring to Hofstra for junior & senior year if he demonstrates at an instate university that he’s willing to work hard and show us that he’s serious.
Re: “How much are you driving your child’s decision?”
We’ve told our child what we can afford to pay per year (which is the cost of an in-state university), so if our kid wants to go out of state or wants to go somewhere more expensive (i.e., like a private college/university), then she’ll need to earn some merit scholarships and figure out how to fund the difference herself.
In defense of the OP, net price calculators are best for need based aid. Some of them ask for scores and GPA to give a better estimate that might include merit. Merit is less predictable so crossing a college off the list because of the result of the net price calculator is not always a good choice.
While every family has a cost limit, many families will be making choices based on priorities for spending. It is entirely reasonable for parents to base their decision on value rather than straight cost.
I don’t envy the OP. It is difficult to argue against the positive experience the OP’s son had at Hofstra. This Hofstra professor illustrated that students can make meaningful connections with faculty which might be less common at a larger state university.
I look at education purely for what it is, and what it is worth. It’s not about experience or life style. If my kid wanted to have experience of living in Paris or by a beach, I said do it when you could afford to pay for it yourself.
I paid for both of my kids (full fare) at a top tier school. If they’ve wanted to go to a lower tier school for the same price the answer would have been no. My kids (all graduated from college) were able to choose within certain parameters. I know there are parents who only set $$ amount and let their kids choose, I was not one of those parents when my kids were applying to schools.
Hofstra is a fine school, but it’s not worth 30k+ more. I am wondering if you could negotiate with them to get more merit aid.
I am confused about the prices. Is the $36,000 for Hofstra the total cost of attendance, or just the tuition? Is the $2,000 at the Florida schools total cost of attendance, or just the tuition?
I would be having a different conversation - why journalism of any kind :-). And that conversation would start some 3-4 years ago. A holistic conversation including what are your lifestyle goals, wlb goals, what are possible lifestyle and wlb outcomes with a journalism major etc … After that the conversation will take a different path — what are the schools and majors that best serve your goals. Have the kid talk talk to people in your network to have him/her make a more informed decision. As an example one of my kids wanted to go into law in middle school. He wanted to sit on the Supreme Court bench :-). He is actually capable from a raw ability point of view. I told him that you need to have a president of your political leaning when you are 40-45 years old as a starting point. Another kid wanted to study biology without wanting to go to grad school or medical school. He wants to start his first job at a 150k or more a year. They have both since changed their mind. I also told them they will have better financial and lifestyle outcomes doing whatever they want if they went to a T5 school - ie any major. At a T5 school you can indulge yourself. It gives the optionality to do any major and almost get any other job. If they can only go to a T >5 school, they’ll need to keep it straight and narrow to have reasonable financial success in life. The whole conversation is happening within the backdrop of “I have genuinely nothing to give you after my passing. You guys need to make your own way through life. And this is what different lifestyles cost — this conversation should start as early as possible — like even 6th grade”. By the time you get to 12th grade the conversations get much simpler. It is not too late to have some of that conversation —ie “what is the correct major conversation “. If we don’t tell them the ways of the world, who will ?
I didn’t say the major sucks. That is what you may be thinking. I am only saying that major choice should be part of the conversation. If you don’t challenge the kids’ assumptions you will be doing them a great disservice as parents. Your duty is not just confined to paying the school whatever they ask for. The parent is the only true well wisher the kid has. Not only are you investing whatever the tuition is times 4. But the kid is investing four years of his most formative part of his life into this venture. That is arguably more valuable than just the financial commitment. At home we discuss even a 3 month summer, as to whether that is a good use of the kids’ time.
Thanks everyone- we did have very candid conversation about cost and the differences between in state public vs private throughout college application process. We were very clear that he could apply to higher prices schools but that financial aid needed to work out to the 30k range for it to be a consideration. In fairness, he did get a approx 35k in merit from Hofstra - however, I just don’t think I ever factored how low the state university cost would be. I thought we would be comparing 15k to 30k, not 36k to 2k! A 15k delta I was open to consider, but a 34k difference just feels to be so much more extreme and leading to some of the pause for me….
As for the 36k vs 2k- those are cost of attendance figures. He did receive some merit based aid for both schools which was hard to factor on with any calculator.
Your hesitation seems totally warranted. I don’t know why your cost in state only ends up being 2k, but that would be very difficult to pass up. We also told our kids we could afford in state flagship at about 33k a year, and if they wanted to apply out of state and private, merit would need to bridge the gap. It made the conversations easier when offers came in, my daughter knew immediately if a school was on or off the table. Now if solid in state schools had come in nearly free, that would have changed the situation.
I’m 30 miles from Hofstra, have family in the next town. It’s not a popular school choice here (although everyone dislikes the drive to and from NJ to LI). I have heard many go home on weekends, I suspect a lot of locals.
I don’t think it is helpful to tell OP what they should have done a year ago, or before applying in general.
Besides, college pricing is opaque. There are all kinds of articles out there advising people not to be deterred by the sticker price of a school, because the aid packages often lower the price considerably. And not all of it is aid that shows up via a net price calculator.
In the flurry of trying to narrow down a list by major, size, geography, etc., it is hard to thoroughly research every aspect of every school prior to applying. So it makes sense to have an affordable likely acceptance school on the list and wait and see on some others.
That said, to the OP’s original question, I think managing expectations with final veto power applies here just as it would with any other big purchase.
What if you agreed to help pay for your child’s car? Then he starts saying he wants a BMW convertible. You tell him you have heard those are spendy and might not be affordable, so he will have to keep that in mind. Maybe he finds a used model that he falls in love with — but it still costs more than you wanted. But you found a very affordable brand new Honda. I assume you would have a talk about the relative value of the BMW vs Honda, maintenance costs going forward with used vs new, what you could do with the money saved, etc.
I think you have the same kind of discussions here. And it is discussions, plural. Treat him like the young adult he is and include him in the decision making.
But at the end of the day, he might not come around to your way of thinking and the final decision is yours: this is your money and your future, too. You need to have a plan you can live with and that will survive emergencies in your own life — an unexpected job loss and/or expensive health issue. It is okay to tell him that and let him know that you have looked over your finances and cannot justify going over $X (or can go over $X only in certain circumstances or under certain conditions).
There are some schools for which I will, and have, paid an $80k/year delta, but Hofstra is definitely not among them. I do not think there is a qualitative difference between Hofstra and the Florida instate schools in terms of academics, career outcomes, or residential experience.
Exactly. Your estimates were reasonable but it turns out the cost difference was more than expected.
I’ll also note that some posters are down on Hofstra but your son is interested in one of their strongest programs.
With our older we paid more for a choice with a qualitatively different experience than the best price point. Now, with our second, the least expensive option is an unexpected admission to our flagship with lessons the difference between the public and private options in terms of experience. The prices are expected but the profile of the least expensive admission is higher than what we expected.
Here is my question…why was your kid the only one on the tour? Was it because no one else was interested in that program?
I would be looking at their admissions vs yield for that program at Hofstra. The extra attention and contact is nice…but if it’s because no one is applying to this program…well…I would caution.
The student in question here is probably 17. How many of us began conversations with our 13-14 year old about this? Not me, that’s for sure.
Why can’t he study journalism? He might change his mind, but that is what he is interested in now. I really don’t like the mindset that a student must start college knowing what they want to major in, or that they can only major in something that will lead straight to a single path career. We might as well just send all our kids to trade school, or only let them major in computer science.
I agree that this parents should not make significant lifestyle changes or borrow lot of money to fund the more expensive college. I do not agree that this student should consider studying something else because people here feel he might not make a lot of money.
People will always need to know how to think and how to express those thoughts. He should not be discouraged from this major if that’s where his interest lies, but it might be good form him to choose a college where he can switch to a different major easily, should he choose to do so.
As for the Broadcast Journalism program at Hofstra, it is a solid program and why we did visit. We happened to be on campus on an odd day - info session date was rescheduled but we were there and so I am sure that was why there was no one else in attendance. I grew up on Long Island and do have some friends who are Hofstra alum so we have some insight into campus (one of my lifelong friends gave up Duke for a full ride at Hofstra and a car from her parents - a decision I think she may still regret?). I think was somewhat hoping my son might have gotten the merit aid she did, although he is definitely not the student she was
Ultimately, I do think we are going to have to push the state school options. The cost difference is just too much… I never expected that Bright Futures and addition merit would have brought the cost down so low. I feel like not taking advantage of this would just be a long term foolish decision. He can focus on trying to get some outstanding internship opportunities to help get him some of the exposure and connections he was hoping to get through Hofstra or potentially Syracuse (still have not heard on that one).
