I would not go into boring details but the issue here seems to be “we sent you the card, so use the card; oops, the card does not work; pay out of pocket; try to get reimbursed; well, why did not you use that card; oh we will fix it so it will work; oops, not working again.” How much can one beat their head against a wall? 
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For me it’s no different than transferring $$$ out of a bank account. There’s no getting reimbursed. You click transfer funds and provide bank info for where you want it to go. No listing reason, providing details. I used to pay for small things out of pocket all the time and then around xmas or if I was in the jam, I’d reimburse myself with one big transfer
I can have trouble with the card because it’s supposed to be used like a credit card but some machines think it’s a debit card. I know at Walmart pharmacy you have to do a change payment type or something. And other doctors offices I have to tell them to swipe it that way or it doesn’t work
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Happy that it works for you! ETA: this is how it is supposed to work… unless it does not work. And the issue is not the kid. She is smart enough to figure out a lot of things. However, it is tough and time-consuming to deal with dumb things. 
Like the card that is impossible to activate which is also supposed to be used to withdraw $$ to reimburse yourself for out of pocket expenses spent on medical care.
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Thank you all for the input. I will pass the info on and will try to explain that her experience is not typical. She will either cash the whole thing out or try to move the $$ to Fidelity with which she had good experience in her 401(k). But no more HSAs for a while as her new “good” plan only costs her a small amount more than what she previously paid for her high deductible plan.
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No new post for 2 days… must mean everybody is busy ensuring their estate planning paperwork (wills, poa, healthcare directives, co-owner/beneficiary designations on investments), right ?
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Busy spending our heirs’ inheritance!
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As you should! Been doing a bit of that ourselves 
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Been trying to lessen the burden on our kids when we need care by shredding old docs and tossing / donating as much as I can. Recent health changes has brought this from “someday” to “take action now so our kids won’t have to”
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Hope all is OK.
We have done a major purge ourselves now that dh has retired. We have totally filled our giant recycling bin and our neighbors’, who are out of the country, thankfully. And ours is refiled again. Plus, I’ve set some aside to take to a free shedding event that an organization is having next month. It feels GREAT, doesn’t it?
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Oh my - some people lost some big money:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/philadelphia-investment-adviser-admits-100-195238886.html
That was me who mentioned getting in before you get kicked out. There are facilities that work with medicare/medicaid that qualify as such. So when you start looking to go into an independent living or assisted living place, this is a must-ask question. To get into one of these places what we learned is that you need to have a certain amount of assets and/or income combination. In my MIL’s case my husband basically had to let her know that if she runs out of money where she currently is then they will kick her out and she will end up in a nursing home, probably on medicaid with a roommate. She has never before cared about running out of money but maybe that got her thinking…a lot. I think far too many people don’t do anything and then no place will take them and then this is what happens. This probably would’ve been us too because had she not fallen and wound up in a rehab type of place, she would’ve run out of money because she needs increased care.
My husband who is never one to be confontational about anything, finally told her she is no longer going to be administering medicines herself. The stuff we found around her apartment was unbelievable. Years old expired meds, tons of expired food, umpteen boxes of the same OTC stuff, it was pretty yuck. I also never believed she remembered when she took her meds or what she took so we are now paying $11/per time when someone comes in and gives her the various meds and some are 3x/day. When she moves to the other place then it’s included in the price. She’s also getting 4 hours of personal care (ie caregiver) at $30/hr so that’s antoher $120/week. New place she should have some of that built in. They will do her laundry at the new place too. It’s a mess. THere are even more things my husband isn’t doing that he probably should but she refuses and not sure what else at this point he can do. She’s very bitter and basically blames him for this too even though all he’s trying to do is make sure she has a decent place to live and is taken care of.
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Right, by gifting her more than the annual amount you can take the extra towards your lifetime exclusion amount. This is something my parents have done on occasion for the exact reason you mentioned. So that we can enjoy it as opposed to them just sitting there with it. Their needs are taken care of fortunately but they want to see us enjoy it as well.
It’s not anything owed to us or we’re entitled to, so when a gift is given we are all very appreciative of it. I hope this is something I will be able to do for my kids as I age as well.
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Does anybody have an “I don’t care” point in mind? I’m thinking if there is a a point where I don’t remember my own kids, it may not matter where I live. I am not yet old enough to discuss that with them, but it has been something on my mind.
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Very common and in the writing when she signed up for it. Many actually in general have a monthly fee.
We have our HSA’s at Fidelity. No fee and we can pick virtually anything to invest in, unlike the former company we held our IRAs in. No fees when we buy/sell either.
Someone else mentioned Health Equity, but I would stay away from them. Had ours there at one time, not only do they have fees, but also limited to what you can invest in.
Your daughter should be checking to see if she can roll over the HSA. This is what we did. Also, she should also consider funding the rest of the money in it for the year, especially if she is staying on a High Deductible Plan. It’s a great tax vehicle so to lose out on that would be a shame. If the administrator is giving her issues, she should go higher up the chain.
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So sorry. That sounds really rough.
He’s an only child. Had an abusive father and learned to just compartmentalize everything and not ever stand up for himself. Now as an adult of course he wishes he wasn’t an only, and well, you can’t chagne the personality. She on the other hand, is very bitter, has been very bitter ever since his divorce in 2012. Strained relationship with his kids who don’t call her at all, and his ex wife who she had a good relationship with but the ex-wive’s family put her in a position to choose sides in the divorce which was completely unnecessary. He always told his mom to maintain the relationship and that it wouldn’t bother him. To some degree she has done a lot of this to herself and really pushed everyone away and is just nasty but it’s still his mom and it’s his job to make sure she gets the best possible care for her that he can get. Someone mentioned cognitive tests and she has to pass that too which supposedly she should be ok even though she does have some dementia it’s not enough to warrant her not being able to move. If it does, then she’s stuck where she is and her $ runs out and she goes to a medicaid facility in 1-2 years. Not a pretty sight.
She has about $150k in assets plus $2500/mo pension/ss income. He could care less if there’s nothing for him at the end as long as she gets the care she needs. I work and have my own mother who is ill, it’s not like we can go take care of her 24/7 and I don’t think he’s willing to subject himself (or me) to her abuse.
As for my own kids as some others have mentioned their thoughts. I have sworn I am not going to do this to them. My parents live in a huge house, won’t be moving, and that means we will have a lot of sh*t to go through. My mother had the jewish holiday last week for 10 of us (she’s sick so even that was a lot plus covid we have to be careful) and she was all worried about someone breaking one of her dishes that are irreplaceable. Like seriously, who cares at this point?
So for my kids I continue to purge as much as I can, they don’t want me to move from my house and downsize yet so I won’t, but I can only see moving to be by them when they’re on their own to be by them, not for them to take care of me. I want them to be able to live their lives without feeling the burden I may put on them. I would also never say to my kids that I’m moving near them for them to take care of them as someone above mentioned a friend saying. If we go away for a weekend, my MIL makes a snotty comment to my husband about being with his “other family”. A weekend usually entails visiting my kids at college or moving them in. My husband hasn’t even gone anywhere other than a college visit in March of this year since covid began. He made the comment last week to me that when we finally have an empty nest, it’s like we don’t now because of dealing more with her. It hit me then that this is exactly what it must feel like to be in the sandwich generation. Taking care of our parents yet still having kids that we’re taking care of, even though my youngest just went to college. Not sure when we will ever get to truly live our lives without someone making us feel guilty for it. 
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Yes. I really don’t want to be around if I can’t remember my kids and don’t really know what’s going on. I also don’t think I would want to be around if I had serious chronic pain with no chance of relief. I really would not want to be a burden on my wife/kids (time and effort, emotion and money) if I can’t really relate to them. ShawWife and I talk about riding our bikes off a cliff together, but we’d still have to be cogent to do that.
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@shawbridge you don’t have to worry about chronic pain - almost always there are ways to make it manageable. We just saw on our family Facebook site that DH’s older aunt and uncle were in a car accident with one of their relatives. The wife was doing pretty well before the accident - she had some compression fractures from the accident and will get a back brace today. The husband was already using a wheelchair some to help with mobility - he is still in the hospital – will probably go to rehab to get stronger and improve his abilities to hopefully get back to baseline. Up until now the wife has helped him manage living at home, and they may need to have help come in once he finishes at rehab. He is 74 and she is 76. IDK why he has been using a w/c - saw them at family funeral but didn’t talk about his medical stuff.
Chronic pain is not always manageable.
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Need to have the right MD managing. There are Chronic Pain clinics. ‘Manageable’ means taking the edge off of it not to totally eliminate.
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