<p>H, an unrepentant workaholic, repeatedly has said that if S doesn't work during the school year (college sophomore), then he "has" to work 40 hours/week during the summer. I have several problems with this, one being that he means that even if S works 37 of 38 weeks during the school year, if he did not work for 1 week, then he "has" to work 40 hours/week during the summer. In reality, it galls H that S doesn't work 80 hours/week, as everyone on earth "should" do. </p>
<p>Freshman year, S did continue to work one night/week during the school year and H reluctantly didn't push too much for the summer employment. S also worked this past fall, but is cutting back now because of conflicts with the spring schedule. Of course, H is screeching that he has to work 40/week in the summer, because he will not have worked 38 of the 38 academic weeks.</p>
<p>For reasons unclear to me, he doesn't seem to think that D (18, senior) needs to get a job. It's ok for her to focus on getting good grades, etc.</p>
<p>Anyways, what are your expectations/demands regarding your college student and the amount of paid employment they have during college?</p>
<p>Our kids had to earn enough money to pay for all discretionary spending and for books. We didn’t care how many hours they worked or when, or how much they earned. They just had to pay themselves for books, all recreational spending, meals out, toiletries, trips, anything that was not billed by the school.Both of our kids worked about 10 hours a week during the school year. One kid never worked full time during the summer because he was in summer programs all summer. The other kid worked full time for 2 summers, but took classes the other summer.</p>
<p>I am sure I am in the minority here, but my husband believe for our family that we want to provide opportunities for our kids that we did not have. So for us, it is important for our kids (if they want) to participate in summer programs and study abroad programs because as we all know as we get older, life gets in the way. For that reason, we are certainly not ever opposed to our children working, but I would prefer for them to seek leadership opportunities in their interests, volunteering (very important to us) and to spend their college years pursuing paths that might not be conventional so that they have the opportunity to discover things in themselves they might know are there. I certainly think working has extreme merits, and like I said before there is not an iota of opposition if our children want to do that (and some do) but as long as they are growing as individuals, and pursuing interests, I am okay with that too. (Playing video games all summer and advancing level after level does not constitute personal growth…lol)</p>
<p>We feel we have cultivated a strong work ethic in our children and have tried our best to curb feelings of entitlement. We also believe life has more to it than 80 hour work weeks. Because of this I would never encourage any of my children to pursue or accept working for a company or a boss that had that creates that culture, in college or after.</p>
<p>I think part of my problem is that H finds it difficult/impossible to realize that he is not recognized as a dictator. At some point the children will no longer be under his thumb. Were it up to him he would rule every aspect of their lives until the day he dies. I try very hard to let them grow into making their own decisions as much as possible.</p>
<p>Your H’s insistence on working 40 hours per week if they don’t work every week during the school year sounds really odd and controlling. I don’t expect my kids to work during the school year at all. My D did do unpaid internships during school year, and my S has no classes on Friday so I have encouraged him to find on campus research or work with a professor, but not insisted. They do pay for their own entertainment.</p>
<p>Feeling pretty sorry for you S after reading this. That seems quite arbitrary and crazy. Our plan was a bit more like Thumper’s. Our kids own paying for their own spending money and books. They can work however/whenever they want to in order to accomplish this. </p>
<p>However, we have asked them to get a job the summer after senior year of high school. Partly because we have provided our kids with some great summer opportunities over the years prior to that (summer programs, camps in their ECs, one went abroad for a summer). And we also think it is important for them to get some work experience (and menial experience is not bad, motivates them to work harder in college, IMHO). Just that practice of reporting to someone who is not your parents, having to be on time and productive, be polite to customers, and put up with some of the petty s*** that comes from holding a job, any job, is good for them.</p>
<p>Other summers after that are at their discretion. However, if they are going to do something for a summer during college where they can’t live at home, they have to cover their own expenses. So D1 (political science major) worked her other summers and about 8 hours a week during school to add to her savings so she could take an unpaid internship with a senator in DC one summer.</p>
<p>It helps that we have set these expectations with our kids long ago (in middle school). They have pretty much stowed all of their grandparent $$ gifts over the years in anticipation, so they have a head start that first year of college. D1 is kind of an ant (vs. grasshopper), and she actually came out of college with a few thousand dollars in the bank, which helped her get set up in her apartment, etc. without any help from me.</p>
<p>Xaniamon, it sounds like the bigger problem is that H decrees things. You two should be on the same general page when it comes to these kinds of expectations.</p>
<p>It may be more reasonable if the work requirement were due to needing to earn money to pay for college expenses, but then that would be framed in terms of money earned, rather than having to have an hour on the clock every week.</p>
<p>Daughter had a work study grant all four years of college and did work approximately 10 or so hours a week. This is very, very common, and I would say a great many families expect their college age, even high school age kids to have some kind of a job. Kids like to earn their own money, within reasonable limits. Your husband is not saying 40 hours a week during school is he? Just work. While I absolutely agree that you both (all!) should agree about working or not working, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for kids to earn at least some of their spending money. It’s a good habit to grow. If your husband is acting like a dictator, though, that’s a different problem and one that needs to be handled separately from the job situation.</p>
<p>Why does he want your son to work - to shoulder part of the cost of tuition, room and board? To cover books and insurance? Just to be in control? (It does sound like the latter, and if so, I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.)</p>
<p>It makes more sense to set a dollar amount that you and your husband together expect your son to contribute to his own education or living expenses. There are some jobs (lifeguarding, landscaping, test prep tutoring) that allow skilled workers to earn in less time what a retail or restaurant worker gets in 40 hours. If your son can even find work for 40 hours a week. I have pretty motivated kids, but they haven’t always been able to do that during the summer, even with more than one job.</p>
<p>We told our kids how much we could spend each semester, and they knew that anything in excess of that was up to them. Sometimes they worked only 10 hours/week during the school year; sometimes more than 20. They worked as many hours during the summers as they could get, but they also were able to do summer enrichment programs occasionally. Because they knew that our money wouldn’t cover everything, it was up to them to decide how hard to work, and it’s always better when the kid owns the decision.</p>
<p>Our kids will be working 40+ hours in the summer. They have to earn spending money and the rest of their college costs that are not covered by us or their merit aid. They know that. Part of DD’s job is working on her sport as she has a scholarship for that in college. We’ve worked out a “per hour” rate and expect her to work that many hours/week on her sport. She has a part time job to earn actual money though. During the school year, DS will probably find a job just because he will have too much time on his hands otherwise. DD, we will see. Her sport will take up a lot of time and she might not be able to work at all. Over one summer she will be going on a study abroad program though. That is factored into things already.</p>
<p>We’re also on the Thumper plan. Kid pays books and expenses. How much/when she works is entirely at her discretion. Pretty much, though, it means working very close to full-time over the summer pool season (which is not the entire break) to have enough saved to cover the year in books. She hasn’t had luck getting books for her major on amazon or from other secondary markets, so it’s a hefty bill. During the year I’d say she works 5-8 hours a week. </p>
<p>Xaniamom, I think my husband is also surprised to realize he does not have full dictatorial authority over the family. I find it amusing sometimes (and others, I’d like to knock his block off).</p>
<p>Kids worked 15-20 hours during the semester and 30-40+ during the summer. Their choice. We paid for tuition, room,books and food money but not really any spending/walking around money.</p>
<p>We expect our son to work to earn money for his books and expenses like entertainment, gas for his car, etc., but it is up to him how much he works and if it’s not enough to pay for his extra’s then he just won’t have the money to pay for the things he wants to do. As luck would have it, he is very ambitious and has had a part time job since high school and works there over the summer and on breaks. He also had an unpaid internship last summer but applied for and got a grant of $2400 from his college and worked at his part time job at the same time. He also did some DJing at a local club which paid him $40/hour! </p>
<p>He’s decided he would like a part time on campus job and has an interview today for one in the Career Dev. Office. If he gets it great, if not - no big deal.</p>
<p>I think part of my problem is that H finds it difficult/impossible to realize that he is not recognized as a dictator. At some point the children will no longer be under his thumb. Were it up to him he would rule every aspect of their lives until the day he dies. I try very hard to let them grow into making their own decisions as much as possible.</p>
<p>Then IMO forcing your son to work would only decrease your husband’s power. Because in that case your son would have money to do what he wanted without having to be dependant on you or your husband. When your kids work, does your husband make them give him their money? I consider our college aged kids to be adults. We provide an allowance but I would never dictate what they can and can’t do with it.</p>
<p>Our thinking is that we don’t want our D to work in her 1st year (unless it is a work/study for financial aid, at the college), or, I suppose if she finds something she really wants to do. We’d just prefer she focus on school, get acclimated, etc. Then, I think we’d like her to work some, but no specific hours. It all depends on her course load, other school demands, access to jobs, etc. I would like her to work or do something productive during those summer breaks, but we want her to take full advantage of her college years. That will likely be stressful enough at times without adding a work requirement. The kids have PLENTY of time to become stressed out workaholics in the rat race. No need to rush that…and really hope she can avoid it in the future!</p>
<p>I think the hardest adjustment for most kids going into college is having too much free time on their hands. If you figure they could work a couple hours/day and STILL not spend as much time “in school” as they did in high school, that’s a lot to get used to. Most kids are in class 2-3 hours/day. Even with 6 hours of homework for those 2-3 hours of class time, the kids still have 4-5 hours/day before they go to bed. It’s not hard to find an hour or two a few days/week to work. Now, if you are an athlete, that takes up the rest of your free time usually so then, no, it’s not that easy to work.</p>
<p>Our son worked 8-10 hours a week during the school year and full-time during the summers. Our daughter hasn’t work but that was because the job market has been difficult. She has a volunteer job at the moment that we’re all happy with.</p>
<p>I think that the jobs that our son held during his college years were beneficial in a lot of ways - having a job history helps you get that important first professional job and it can provide you with a network that can help in finding a job or applying to graduate school.</p>
<p>I worked 16-18 hours in my first year at school and I know a few people at work that worked full-time during their college years, typically security guard work second-shift where they could study at the security desk when they were not on their rounds.</p>
<p>We’ve had the luxury of worrying about whether the kids were using their time productively in general, and not about whether what they were doing was producing money. We do insist that our kids use their time wisely, but that doesn’t necessarily mean paid work.</p>
That seems quite arbitrary and crazy. Our plan was a bit more like Thumper’s. Our kids own paying for their own spending money and books. They can work however/whenever they want to in order to accomplish this. </p>