How soon is too soon?

Colleges and Universities A-Z Dartmouth College
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<p>I just finished my freshman fall at Dartmouth College and had a pretty bad experience.</p>

<p>First off, I am a non-drinker, but I love to be social and spend time with friends. When applying I read that there were many alternative social options, but I haven't found this to be so. There are certainly a few, but they are just that--few. Movies and performances at the Hop end early, and a cappella shows are usually followed by drinking (or attended by already drunk people). Many club meetings are sparsely attended and thus not good places to make like-minded friends. It is very difficult to meet friends outside of the frats because that seems to be the only place where students gather en masse. </p>

<p>Also, the isolation is already driving me crazy. Because I don't care to spend time at frats, the only places I can spend time with friends are dorms or Collis. This is fun sometimes, but I just can't imagine living like this for the next four years. I love walking around town, looking in store windows, shopping, eating out, and meeting new people. </p>

<p>Before anyone accuses me of not doing my research before I chose a school, I would like to say that <em>yes,</em> I did know that Hanover is in the middle of a forest and the frat scene is huge. But so many students seemed to love the environment so I hoped that I would, too. Dartmouth is known for its school pride and enthusiasm, so I guess I figured, "Well, if everybody loves Dartmouth SO much, that must mean it's great. So even if I'm not into frats, I'm sure I will love it too--doesn't everyone?" </p>

<p>Anyways, I am also not sure how much I like being so far from home. I live in Southern California (and have lived in the same house since the day I was born) and I have been very homesick. I love California and its sunny weather--though I took it for granted until I left--and I miss it terribly. I miss the laid-back atmosphere, the beaches, and being near my family (with whom I have a very close relationship). </p>

<p>I guess when I was choosing Dartmouth I told myself location shouldn't be a big issue. I thought "Sure, it's far from home, but I'll be fine! I'm independent and confident." Turns out location has been a huge issue for me. I cry all the time at school, wishing I had stayed in California or that I could see my friends from home. It's too expensive to come home for Thanksgiving, so I can only come home for Winter and Spring breaks.</p>

<p>Another thing I miss is ballet. I have been a dancer my entire life and I absolutely love it. The dance program at Dartmouth is non-existent, and although I am in a student-run dance group, it is small and its members are not very involved. I knew this when I came to the school, but I had been told "try new things!" so many times that I figured it would be good for me to try new activities in place of ballet. I did try many new activities, but none could replace ballet.</p>

<p>Basically, the point of this thread is not to bash Dartmouth--I think it is a great school and I really <em>want</em> to like it and I have been trying to like it. The point is to ask a question: How soon is too soon to know if I should transfer?</p>

<p>My parents are concerned because I have been very depressed at school and I call them crying all the time. They suggested--and I agree with their suggestion--that I apply to transfer to a California school. I would finish the year at Dartmouth and then start at a new school in fall 2011. </p>

<p>The school I would love to transfer to is Pomona College. I was accepted last fall but I chose Dartmouth. I thought Dartmouth had a better academic reputation and that its name and alumni network would take me farther. I also liked the idea of so many traditions, the intense school spirit, the picturesque New England town, the Ivy League name, and the east coast experience. All these things sounded and still sound great on paper--but actually being at the school has made me very unhappy. I imagined by this time I would love college, have some really good friends, and not want to come home. Instead I am afraid to go back in January.</p>

<p>Pomona is 2 hours from where I live, so I could have a car and see my parents on Thanksgiving and any other time I wanted or needed. They have a full-fledged dance department and really great ballet classes there. It's warm, sunny, and beautiful. The academic experience would be roughly the same, with small classes, close relationships with professors, and very personal advising. I would get the tight-knit community as well as the consortium benefits. I would still be able to do research, study abroad, get internships, and volunteer. The student body seems to be much more laid-back and slightly nerdier, while Dartmouth can feel very preppy and jock-y at times (that's really not me). </p>

<p>The idea of transferring sounds really great, <em>except</em> that I'm worried I'll regret it. What I want to know is, is it way too early to know if I dislike Dartmouth? Is my experience and dissatisfaction really common among first-year students? I recognize how early it is in my college career, and I don't want to make a rash decision. How soon is too soon to know? </p>

<p>I am very unhappy at school and I desperately want to be back in California. Please help!</p>

<p>(SORRY this is such a long post--Thank you so much to any who take the time to read it)</p>

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<p>I don’t drink either, but I’m having a blast at Dartmouth. I live in the Choates, so don’t think I’m surrounded by people who abstain from alcohol. I like to hang out with my floor while everyone pregames, and sometimes I’ll go to frats with them. Not often, though. By the time everyone leaves, it’s 11. I can either turn in (which I rarely do), or I go up to the common area to hang out. Sometimes I also call and hang out with some of my non-drinker friends. By 12 or 1, people from my floor will start trickling in, so I’ll hang out with them as late as 3 or 4 am.</p>

<p>To meet like-minded people, try finding some more serious clubs (e.g., Ski Patrol, DREAM, etc.). Also look in your classes. Those people probably have academic interests very similar to your own! Maybe ask them to study with you, and you’ll begin to get to know them better. Or, say you have an 11, just ask some people sitting near you if they want to grab lunch after class. Basically, the theme here is this: make an effort to find new friends. Be social!</p>

<p>As for dance, try to join SHEBA. My understanding is they’re really, really intense, so that could hopefully quench your thirst for serious dance.</p>

<p>But overall, I think the problem is you, not the school. You can’t expect it to be perfect – or at least perfect enough to replace your home – in your first term. It takes time to meet new people and friends. I think you’re exacerbating the problem by calling home so often. That will only make you miss your home’s supportive environment even more. Instead, commit yourself to Dartmouth. Occupy your time with academics, extracurriculars, and the wonderful people at the school. If you do this, I think things will begin to look up for you winter and spring terms. </p>

<p>If, at the end of your freshman year, you’re still having trouble fitting in and being happy – which I think will be very unlikely – try pledging a sorority in your sophomore year. That is a ticket to a group of friends.</p>

<p>If at the end of your sophomore year, you’re still unhappy – then it’s time to seriously consider transferring. Remember that when you transfer, you lose all of your friends at Dartmouth. You have to start over from scratch. Even worse, you’ll transfer in as a sophomore or junior, meaning the people in your class will have already made their friends, so it will be even harder for you to find a tight-knit group of friends. Just food for thought.</p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck. It pains me to see someone not liking the school I already love so dearly. Hopefully things change for the better for you in the winter.</p>

<p>EDIT: As for the preppy/jock feel, I think if you get to know people better, you’ll find it’s not a big deal at all. A lot of people on my floor dress like prep school kids or jocks, but if you get to know them, you’ll find that they’re fantastic people. I sense that you’re dismissing preppy people and jocks, which is a mistake on your part. Instead, meet and befriend them!</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for taking the time to read my comment and respond. I really appreciate it. You certainly brought up a lot of encouraging points. </p>

<p>I’m just not sure that I’m the problem. I feel like I’ve tried to like it and so far it hasn’t worked. I joined several serious clubs and dabbled with a few others, tried new things, met people in classes, hung out with trippees, spent time with my floormates, planned outings to Molly’s, etc, etc. I’m a really social person and I always introduce myself to new people.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that I haven’t met ANYone I like, but rather, I haven’t found that the school environment is conducive to building the kind of friendships I want. I can’t imagine hanging out in the dorms for 4 years, and I also can’t imagine joining a sorority. </p>

<p>Is it possible that Dartmouth just isn’t for me?</p>

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<p>I’m also a Dartmouth '14 who doesn’t really drink, and I’ve had no trouble finding a really great group of friends who find lots of fun things to do on weekends that don’t involve frats or drinking. So there definitely are people out there who share your opinions or feelings about drinking and are able to have a wonderful social life anyway.</p>

<p>What dorm cluster do you live in? I’m in the East Wheelock cluster, which tends to have more non-drinkers, which is possibly why I’ve been able to make a lot of other friends who don’t drink. Perhaps you could try moving to East Wheelock or a different dorm where there are fewer drinkers?</p>

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<p>I live in McLaughlin on a substance free floor, so I do know people who don’t drink. But we watch a movie or play cards almost every night–fun, but like I said, I can’t imagine 4 years of this.</p>

<p>What do you do on the weekends?</p>

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<p>Thinking of all the outdoorsy, New England kids who got turned down so Admissions could express their “geographic diversity” with an admit from socal. The problem is NOT you–listen to yourself and transfer. You articulated your issues perfectly and Pomona would be a perfect fit. Open up the spot for some kid from suburban Boston who loves to ski and hike and would be so grateful for the chance to go there.</p>

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<p>Skiing, gym (squash, weights, etc.), Collis Miniversity, research with a prof, one wheelock, etc. are all ideas for places for you to go/things for you to do.</p>

<p>I think your idea of what college should be is flawed. People who go to Harvard don’t go into Boston every day or even every weekend. College life is almost always campus-centric, except in rare cases like NYU. No matter where you go to school, you will probably spend most of your time hanging out indoors (whether in a frat, dorm, alternative social space) with friends…</p>

<p>In that light, are your friends the problem? Do you just need to find ones that suit your interests better?</p>

<p>P.S. Maddowg, Getting into Dartmouth from SoCal is very, very competitive.</p>

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<p>You need to get some transfer applications, complete them, and wait. If you get in to Pomona, make a decision and move on. </p>

<p>In the meantime, you need to try new things–it seems that you, like other posters have said, are too idealistic. You can’t imagine joining certain clubs/groups? How about you try? Or a sorority? Who knows, you may love it, but you won’t know until you try.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t go so far as to say you are a waste of space at Dartmouth, because not everybody loves it–some people do transfer, and that’s the case in all colleges. It won’t hurt you to 1) fill out applications and send them in over break and 2) try to enjoy your life in college - make constant adjustments, try new things (maybe try a drink once in a while) but otherwise make fun with what you have available to you, which at Dartmouth, or any other top school for the matter, is so much.</p>

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<p>I actually didn’t love Dartmouth that much in the beginning. Over time, however, I was totally converted. I guess I found my “niche” and having a diversity of experiences as time went on including study-abroads and sophomore summer really added to the experience. At this point, a time when I didn’t love Dartmouth seems like a distant memory. With all this in mind, I encourage you to apply to Pomona - but for a totally different reason. It seems like you really want to live in SoCal after college and because of this I think Pomona will make you happier because of deeper social ties you will have in the area when you graduate. But even if you don’t transfer, trust me, Dartmouth will get much much more fun.</p>