How Sugar Daddies Are Financing College Education

Parent Cafe
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<p>@HarvetMoon1:</p>

<p>He’s not saying that income inequality produces desperation, but that income inequality produces insanely rich men, and the thing about the rich is that they can afford to let their true colors show, and so for better or worse, they can have greater effect, which is an observation by someone on Quora who use to work in private wealth management which rings true. There may not be a greater proportion of racists or men who desire sugarbabies among the rich as among the general populace, but people who have to work for a living understand that there are ramifications (usually negative) if they show a side of themselves that is not socially acceptable and most men can’t afford sugars regardless of whether they want one or not. The PWM guy did say that some folks have true selves that are surprisingly (to him) admirable. Folks who worked with him to anonymously leave the majority of their estate to fund good causes, for instance.</p>

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<p>^^^
Where are you reading all this? You linked a 3 paragraph article by Krugman. Unless as a non-subscriber to the NYT online I am only getting the intro to the article?</p>

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<p>This thread reminds me of a friend of mind. He’s a highly successful, world-caliber artist (solo exhibitions at MOMA, etc.) For years and years he was married to a woman who was just as successful as he and fully his intellectual peer. In many ways they were a perfect match for each other – the intellectual frisson that resulted when both were in the room would knock your socks off. But they fought like cats and dogs and were irrationally, insanely jealous of each other’s successes and resentful of the small sacrifices that each had to make to support the career of the other.</p>

<p>They split up about 10 years ago, when each was about 45.</p>

<p>A month after they split, my friend (the guy) took up with an extremely pretty, docile 25-year old waitress at the coffee shop where he regularly has breakfast. She had the personality and intellect of a lap dog.</p>

<p>All his friends, especially his 40+ female friends, were outraged. </p>

<p>They married within a month of his divorce becoming final, despite our universal opprobrium. </p>

<p>Now, 10 years later, I can honestly say the new woman was the best thing that ever happened to my friend. He is remarkably more relaxed now that he’s clearly the more dominant person in the relationship. And she’s devoted her life to supporting his career, which he seems to like. And she is every bit as fresh and pretty as she was when they first met. And she seems happy. </p>

<p>The fact that he preferred the young, pretty docile waitress over the world-renowned artist who was his peer undoubtedly points to a character flaw of sorts. But really, who cares? I prefer the ex-wife but it is really none of my business. </p>

<p>My point is that it is really hard to judge relationships from the outside. I prefer not to jump to the conclusion that women are goldiggers and men are slime just because they show up with women who look inappropriate from the outside.</p>

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<p>@HarvestMoon1: The “more filthy rich” part is from Krugman’s (and other’s) previous writings. The observation that the rich are more able to show their true colors was from a poster on Quora who worked PWM (and thus has encountered a fair number of rich folks).</p>

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<p>“The fact that he preferred the young, pretty docile waitress over the world-renowned artist who was his peer undoubtedly points to a character flaw of sorts.”</p>

<p>I don’t think this sort of preference points to a character flaw at all. I think the character flaw comes in when there is a blatant exchange of money for sex along with demands that women appear in apartments in manhattan upon command to provide that “service”. As yes I think the character flaw extends beyond the man.</p>

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<p>Because I know the guys well. Employ a couple; have serious business relationships with a couple; and fraternize at the track with a couple (one racer shows up with a different SB every two years). Half the guys are married, but no longer do stuff with the wife.</p>

<p>We have frank discussions about the relationships. I know exactly what the relationship for each is; how much each girl is being paid - they get a monthly stipend or bills paid directly; what events and activities each girl has agreed to go and be involved with etc. Each SD-SB is a pretty serious, understood arrangement.</p>

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<p>And this is where people are getting it wrong - mutual feelings are one of the cornerstones of a SD-SB relationship. </p>

<p>Unlike prostitutes who pretty much sleep with anyone by closing their eyes and bearing it, the SB is the one who mainly determines if the relationship goes forward. It is the SB who chooses the SD 90+% of the time. </p>

<p>SBs do not enter a relationship with an SD who they do not have a good bit in common with AND mutually like. In fact, not having anything in common and not having a connection are the #1 deal breakers for not entering an arrangement, as both ingredients are required. Missing one of those elements is an automatic no-go.</p>

<p>A major distinction re prostitutes is there are interviews and the initial couple dates are to find out if they really like each other, just like any other random couple who meet at a party - these are called meet and greets. A couple times a guy would bring a potential SB to a party or to the office just to have his friends see if she fits in. If she does not fit in, then she cannot be an SB. BUT, it is not his choice. I can attest that the ratio of girls choosing the SD is about 9 to 1. ALL the guys are sitting around meeting several potential SBs and hoping the one he likes chooses him too. If she does not choose him, it never starts.</p>

<p>Most importantly, I know of no SBs who have an arrangement and sleeps with an SD who she does not like, which is the exact opposite of prostitutes, as you have defined the term. If there is an arraignment, it is because there is a mutual like and a good bit in common, regardless of age differences. </p>

<p>And here is another difference - it is not unusual for an SD and SB to be busy and not see each other for a month or two, but she still gets her stipend and bills paid even without having sex. But, like a couple, they talk and text and the SD helps her out all the time with different things. It is not just sex all the time. These relationships are more analogous to what was called a kept woman years ago.</p>

<p>And the break-up is like any other couple, the feelings are no longer there and either the SD or SB ends it.</p>

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<p>I do not think it says anything about a character flaw at all because that assumes the female artist was one perfect person, which no one is. </p>

<p>All this says is that the personalities and the coping mechanisms of the two artists were not in synch during particular situations, which made the two artists fight and both of them did not know how to manage the situation. </p>

<p>And the new girl could be fooling everyone - the new girl could easily be expressing dominance in a different way that people do not recognize, but that he responds to, which allows her to temper any issues with him, e.g., if she disagrees with him and wants to change his mind, she may pat him on the left shoulder instead of yelling, and he responds to that, gets the message and reverses course, all without a fight. They have their issues, all couples do, but they both know how to smooth things out without a fight, unlike the former couple. </p>

<p>Also note, the reverse could be said, i.e., the female artist not choosing to stay with male artist shows that she had a character flaw in how to maneuver in the relationship as well; it takes two to tango. But, I would not go there because it assumes that the male artist is some perfect creature, which he is not. </p>

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<p>To men in that group, being equated as a “gentleman” or doing the very things you, PG, and others describe as such would be regarded as the equivalent of being weak “kiss ups” who are “ruled” by the gf/wife/SO. </p>

<p>Part of exerting their entitled sense of power over not only their status and wealth, but also everyone they feel are “beneath them”. They wouldn’t be doing a good job of exerting that sense of power in their own eyes if they were acting or being “gentlemanly”. In fact, pleasing others outside of their “rarified” social circle of fellow “masters of the universes” would directly go against all that and thus, be like kryptonite to them. </p>

<p>And yes, there’s often a strong sexist component to this as well. </p>

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<p>In my casual observation, there does seem to be an inverse relationship between the need to be/act like a gentleman or the degree of doing so and the degree of good looks, charm, and/or confident chutzpah. </p>

<p>To some extent, this could be gleaned from Offspring’s pop-punk song “Self-Esteem”:</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeWjzBHUdsI”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeWjzBHUdsI&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>IME, those “old farts” are trying too damned hard. The mere fact I am willing to give opera/stage plays a try and can intelligently discuss some was more than enough…even if i attended said opera in ripped up jeans, t-shirt, and looked like I came fresh from working in the garage. </p>

<p>On one casual chat-up with a woman at some random gathering, we ended up spending 3 hours discussing Henrik Ibsen’s “A Doll House”. Along the way, I weaved in how the play had some relation to Mao Zedong as his last wife Jiang Qing was an actress who performed that play before becoming the infamous “Madame Mao” and leader of the “Gang of Four”. :)</p>

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<p>I have to also add that it’s not just girls. We tease my gay son about being a sugar baby because he likes to date older wealthy men. He likes the perks (nice dinners, clothes, etc.). They like being seen with an attractive, younger man. But, no one has offered to pay for his education. Sigh. Just joking - I think I would question any offer to pay for a college education. S doesn’t need to money, he just likes being treated like a princess. </p>

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<p>How wonderful for her, compared to being in the presence of an ‘old fart’.</p>

<p>As an old fart myself, I find that women of any age, if you talk to them nicely (not necessarily about the Gang of Four), and are passably well-mannered, will happily spend time with you. </p>

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<p>Wouldn’t we all prefer our partners still had a 20 year old booty to go along w the 50 year old worldliness :wink: </p>

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<p>I watched an old-ish movie recently, and there was a line in it that made me think of this thread:
“You do what you are.”</p>

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Steer clear of the topic of the US healthcare system too [-O< </p>

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<p><<<
If it’s so reasonable and respectable, why not share with their loved ones?</p>

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<p>Maybe because it is none of their business.</p>

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<p>Uh, if you think it isn’t any business of the wives, you are sorely mistaken. First of all, it is a breach of the marriage. Secondly, the funds being spent on these girls and their educations is likely “marital money”.</p>

<p>I doubt that if you are married or will be married in the future that you would be ok with your spouse secretly spending $200k+ on someone else without telling you.</p>

<p>@awcntdb‌ </p>

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<p>I haven’t had much luck picking up medical students … wonder why …</p>

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<p>No surprise there…</p>

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<p>“But for Pizzagirl and awcantdb – how can you tell from the outside whether the relationship falls into this category?”</p>

<p>Beats me. Did I claim I could tell? </p>

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<p>“We have frank discussions about the relationships. I know exactly what the relationship for each is; how much each girl is being paid - they get a monthly stipend or bills paid directly; what events and activities each girl has agreed to go and be involved with etc.”</p>

<p>I have two conflicting thoughts. </p>

<p>1) it’s not gentlemanly for then to discuss this with you. 2) but heck, since they did, what’s the going rate? </p>

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<p>Responding to @awcntdb‌ in post 105:</p>

<p>Wow. So strange. It’s like something out of Flaubert’s Sentimental Education.</p>

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<p>I don’t know what the SD/SB going rate is, but a recent issue of the Economist has a price list for specific services, and cost benchmarking by city:</p>

<p>More Bang For Your Buck
<a href=“More bang for your buck”>The Economist | World News, Economics, Politics, Business & Finance;