<p>Simply not diggin' the fact that we sent d off to her dream school far away in August and she dates the dishwasher she works with who doesn't even go to college, let alone the pricey college she is going to. Everyone says it's me, but frankly I'm annoyed. She could have stayed home to do that and it would have been a heck of lot cheaper. What would do you think?</p>
<p>Did she even know any dish washers at home?</p>
<p>Is he a nice person?</p>
<p>My best friend in college dated and wound up marrying the photographer’s assistant (the photographer who took our pictures for sorority composites, formals, etc). He wound up getting a degree at a local college. They’ve been married for over 20 years. Not everyone comes from a background that values higher education. In fact, a heck of a lot of people don’t. </p>
<p>Does he treat her well?</p>
<p>What’s the purpose of your daughter’s college education? If you sent her to an expensive college to find a well-educated and/or affluent husband, I understand your concerns. If you sent her to get an education or to find herself… well, that’s what she’s doing.</p>
<p>Dating is not marrying.</p>
<p>And what does he do when he’s not washing dishes? Does he have plans? Dreams?</p>
<p>It’s a proven scientific fact that the more you protest about this the longer the relationship will last, simply to prove she can pick her own boyfriends, that she’s not that shallow, and she’s an adult now. I wouldn’t say a word. It’s highly doubtful that this is ‘the one’, nor is she missing ‘the one’ by dating this young man. If he treats her well leave it alone.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should pay another penny in tuition. The time has come for you to arrange her marriage to a proper young man.</p>
<p>This post has the aroma of ■■■■■ about it.</p>
<p>But related issues have been raised in legitimate posts – mostly by people whose children were dating someone in high school who was less ambitious than they were (or than their parents wanted them to be). Those parents often hoped that their child would break up with the high school boyfriend or girlfriend after going to college and find someone whose academic level matched their own.</p>
<p>Yet this does not necessarily happen.</p>
<p>So even if this post is a fake, the topic it raises is real. And the answer seems to be the same as the one given by most people on the more legitimate threads: unless parents have reason to believe that the student is involved in an abusive relationship, it’s best to back off.</p>
<p>Nitnat, I understand your concerns. Not to scare you, but my colleague at work had an unfortunate experience with her D. D was from a small town about 45 minutes from the university where we work, and was salutatorian of her HS. </p>
<p>She got great scholarships to attend the university, along with her mom’s half-off employee perk, so it was pretty much free. D decided not to live in the dorms but lived off-campus. Within a few weeks of her freshman year, she had found a construction-worker boyfriend with a 3 year daughter. The D pretty much subsidized them, and spent all her scholarship money meant for her living expenses. She was also too busy to spend time in class. Net result was academic probation and then suspension and the loss of her scholarships. </p>
<p>I think for her it was the new-found freedom in a bigger city, and some obviously poor choices.</p>
<p>Her D did eventually return to school and graduated in May. Maybe they were lessons she needed to learn, but it was very painful for all concerned at the time!</p>
<p>When I was in college, I really enjoyed spending time occasionally with people outside the college bubble. They were less self-absorbed. Doing so kept me grounded in the fact that there’s much more to life than the grade I just got on my midterm. Maybe this young man provides your D with an escape from the stress of a high-level college. I wouldn’t be at all happy about this situation either, but she might be interested in him more for what he represents–a relaxed, ordinary person who’s not freaking out about getting top grades for law school or about landing that investment banking internship–than for his personal qualities.</p>
<p>Maybe you should find out more about him. Perhaps he isn’t is college because he’s only 16.</p>
<p>I say you invite him to Thanksgiving and everyone else can relax after eating. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Or maybe he’s an undocumented immigrant working under the table, and doesn’t have money yet for college but is nevertheless ambitious about improving his lot in life.</p>
<p>Or perhaps he is taking a GAP year, his folks own the restaurant and 10 others…</p>
<p>Do you know anything about him, and does it matter? She’s dating him. Beyond ‘are you happy dear?’ and ‘does he treat you well?’ not so much.</p>
<p>“Good Will Hunting”</p>
<p>Maybe he comes from a blue-collar background where the idea of going to college just isn’t seen as “what one does” at age 18, the way it does for us on here. Are you going to judge him for that?</p>
<p>I can relate to your concern. I have 2 stories to share.</p>
<p>My best friend in college was dating a waiter she met in town. He was what we would call a townies. They got along very well and he was very attentive. Then came the winter break. She was from a very well to do family from home hometown. She didn’t want to invite him home, but he kind of pushed for it. After the visit, they broke up because she said that he just didn’t fit in. Her family was very gracious, didn’t give her a hard time, bu in her own environment, she just felt there was no future for them.</p>
<p>A friend of mine from work was dating a bartender. Her parents pushed her to break up with the guy, which she did. The guy ended up starting up a temp agency in NYC. Did so well, he was able to buy a small plane. She then started to go out with a guy who was a fund manager. Her parents were thrilled, but after 6 months, he lost his job and became a doorman in NYC.</p>
<p>I would say, let it go. Your daughter is still young. She’ll figure out what’s right for her.</p>
<p>Yeah, I have some trouble keeping my big old mouth shut about some of d1’s choices, too. Like Blueiguana says, though, it’s best to say nothing. It also helps to remember some of your own wildly in appropriate choices in members of the opposite sex when you were younger.</p>
<p>Ha, NOT pursuing the “inappropriate choices” is what I regret the most!!</p>
<p>
nitnat, aren’t you paying for your d’s dream school so she can get a good education - something that will allow her to be independent and successful in the future? You’re paying for an undergraduate degree, not an MRS. I don’t see what the money has to do with her dating choices. It’s sounding like a control thing to me.</p>
<p>Your daughter sees something in this guy that you don’t. You love her, you trust her, you’ve raised her well, so why not give her credit for being able to choose a good guy?</p>