<p>Pitiful and eye-rolling as I find these arrangements, they are probably safer, medically and from a violent crime perspective, for both parties than the more common forms of prostitution.</p>
<p>However, arrangements where the man is married would almost always involve secret payments from accounts that would be considered marital property. The man is not only cheating on his wife by committing adultery, he is cheating on her by using money that is half hers to pay for sex with another woman. Pretty low.</p>
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However, arrangements where the man is married would almost always involve secret payments from accounts that would be considered marital property. The man is not only cheating on his wife by committing adultery, he is cheating on her by using money that is half hers to pay for sex with another woman. Pretty low.</p>
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<p>I agree.</p>
<p>Not many men would be happy to learn that their wives were spending hundreds of thousands on some boy-toy…or even secretly giving that much money to friends and family for non-sexual reasons. </p>
<p>On this forum, we have had discussions about how much each spouse can spend w/o mentioning to the other. People here have posted things like $100 or whatever. No one here has ever posted that their spouse can hand-over $50k+ to anyone without the other spouse’s consent. </p>
<p>In some states, if there is a divorce and it can be shown that marital assets were spent on another person illicitly, there are consequences. Assets aren’t divided equally, there is a “correction” applied. </p>
<p>“And this is where people are getting it wrong - mutual feelings are one of the cornerstones of a SD-SB relationship…………”</p>
<p>Gee @awcntdb, these relationships sound terrific . Obviously there is a real loving connection between these couples and I am sure there must be some pretty mind blowing sex as well. And these girls have already been shired around to meet your friends business associates to see if they “fit in” so presumably they have “passed”. Since half of these guys aren’t married and the other half “don’t do stuff with the wife any longer” I just don’t understand why your friends just don’t marry these girls? I mean really these sound like matches made in heaven!</p>
<p>And you figure these guys are “getting up there” they might need someone to take care of them as they age, so why not just seal the deal now while the going is good?</p>
<p>I think that many in society chalk it up to an insecure man who thinks that everyone is impressed that he can get some cute-young-thing. Well, maybe some short-sighted males think so, but I think many women are just disgusted by all of it. </p>
<p>I wonder what these folks talk about? Anyone who has spent a lot of time speaking to much younger people (other than family) usually find that the differences in ages is an obstacle after a period of time. Of course I enjoy talking to people of all ages, but there is a certain ease of conversation topics that happens when talking to people who grew up in the same era as you did. </p>
<p>Re GMT’s post #119 - god, I love College Confidential. Where else could I find an Economist article on this stuff?</p>
<p>Re Marsian’s post #120 - I have a girlfriend who is getting divorced (20+ year marriage) – apparently the husband had been cheating on her with multiple women over the years, sadly. In any case, she’s hired a forensic accountant because he was hiding some money that he was using on these women. I don’t believe it to be the same case as these “business deals,” but her lawyer is telling her that if she can prove that $X was spent on these other women (hotel rooms, jewelry, etc.) during the course of their marriage, then that amount gets thrown back into the pot before their money is split. I don’t know any of the legal or financial details, I’m just recounting what she told me. </p>
<p>“And you figure these guys are “getting up there” they might need someone to take care of them as they age, so why not just seal the deal now while the going is good?”</p>
<p>Guys at that income level aren’t looking for the <em>20 yo to be caring for them as she ages. They’ll have hired housekeepers or health aids for that purpose. They don’t need *her</em> cooking the meals or changing the sheets. I think it’s an income bracket that’s lower than that where they’re looking for the woman who will be the companion and do the housekeeping too.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, that’s right. It’s called waste of marital funds. Spending that was detrimental to the marriage has to be returned to the marriage before division of assets. These cases get to be a real hoot for the lawyers because all the evidence over the course of the relationships becomes germane to the case. So they are scrutinizing every text and email with the mistresses to track the timing of the relationships, vacations together, dinners out, gifts, etc. This might also include drugs, alcohol, strippers, whatever.</p>
<p>I’ve lost count of how many married friends have gotten into angry arguments or even divorced over that very issue. </p>
<p>Especially when the spouse doing the giving is the type to uncritically keep giving money to friends/family members who effectively become moochers due to their habitual unceasing asking of such funds. Worse, when the friends called their spouses out on this issue, they are accused by their respective spouses of being “miserly”, “stingy”, “mean spirited”, etc. :(</p>
<p>I can think of no better way to drive yourself insane than to try to track down every last cent a philandering spouse spent on girlfriends by scrutinizing text messages, emails and the like. Not worth it in my book! Especially if you have kids and want to maintain a relatively decent relationship with the spouse. Just thinking about the one hotel bill I stumbled upon accidentally still makes blood pressure rise dangerously high even now, five years later. I seriously do not want to know. </p>
<p>I’m not impressed by the claim that these exploiters and the exploited have positive feelings for each other, just as I wouldn’t be impressed by descriptions of happy slaves down on the plantation.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m naive but is the SB/SD scenario commonplace? I really don’t think there are that many Elliot Spitzers in the world. IMO a few stories like this are a way for the NY Post to sell newspapers and the Atlantic Monthly to sell magazines–both of which make it seem like every captain of industry is hanging out with a gorgeous 20-something.</p>
<p>I live part of the year in an area that’s full of very rich old geezers and for the most part these guys seem to be with attractive women who are generally in the same ballpark age wise or who may be younger, but not 20-somethings. I’m thinking of the 70-year-old rich guy who’s married a 50 year old–think Jack Welch and his current spouse–can’t remember her name. She’s a lot younger than he is, but she’s no spring chicken.</p>
<p>I guess I need to repeat this because it gets lost in the shuffle, even though I have said it twice:</p>
<p>Just because I understand this stuff and know people who are in such arrangements, does not mean I condone it or would practice it. I already said if a girl I knew asked me about this I would consult against it. I have been approached several times by a SB of someone who says she has a friend who would like a SD and that we might like each other. I simply say, “No thanks.” </p>
<p>I see this as no different than having to deal with a guy’s wife or significant other who is a bi***to everyone. Guys just deal with it, even if they would not involved with such a person. It is the guy who makes his choice about his life. I do not get involved in anyone’s personal life, including my employees’ lives. I hire them for their skills or in business with them for their excellent products / services.</p>
<p>I think it’s too bad that we don’t typically seem to think that behavior of this sort reflects badly on the Sugar Daddy’s integrity or honesty–when in many cases, it surely does.</p>
<p>@Hunt, your analogy would work if slaves in the antebellum South could just up and leave. If you’re going to call the sugar/daddy relationship exploitative, you should call most work arrangements exploitative as well. More so, as most sugars aren’t dependent on their patrons for their and their family’s livelihoods, unlike most working stiffs.</p>
<p>It was not meant to impress, but to illustrate the qualitative difference between SBs and run-of-the-mill prostitutes.</p>
<p>Slaves did not advertise themselves, did not get to choose their owners, did not name their price, and could not fire their master. Those are major differences.</p>
<p>The issue with this exploiter angle is most of the SBs I have met do not need the money, but choose to get more money this way. They are fine living-wise; they just want more; whatever that more is. I am not too sure why they are being exploited if they consciously decide this is a line of work they want to do. </p>
<p>I know of no SD that tries to convince a girl to be an SB. The girl is already advertising that is what she wants to be. If no girls were wanting to be SBs, there would be no SDs. The way I see it the girls are just idiots, and guys are simply giving them what they want. </p>
<p>OK, if you want to say the guys are exploiting idiocy, then fine. Mothers should then do a better job of raising smarter daughters, not blaming men because they raised dumb daughters. </p>
<p>HEY! I’m a father, and I did my part in raising smart daughters. Although, to be fair, I expect that a good percentage of the SBs have Daddy issues.</p>