How to cope with pre-decision stress?

Applying to College
1

I didn’t get into my ED or my reach EA school, and I applied to mostly reaches in the RD round (don’t worry, I was accepted at a high match and safety already). I’ve been incredibly stressed recently about not getting in anywhere in the regular decision round (as I am sure many people are). I’ve stopped talking to friends or socializing at all in school after getting rejected ED. I love them to death, but my parents haven’t done a lot of research for colleges and don’t understand how difficult it is to get into a top college - I’ve been trying to celebrate my high match acceptance, but they just keep telling me I can do “better.” I’ve been too anxious to sleep and haven’t been taking care of my health or appearance due to stress.

Parents and current college students: how did you survive the wait before all the regular decision results came out? Any advice to cope with this anxiety?
Feel free to hijack this thread with your own problems too.

2

Honestly, I think you just try not to think about it. Life moves on. You’ll regret not socializing with your friends and taking advantage of your time in high school. You’re done with college apps man! Congrats! Enjoy it! Read a book, kick a ball, play some video games. Have fun! Especially now that you’re a second semester senior.
Getting rejected sucks, I feel ya. What I did in my time of stress was take a course on MIT Open Courseware. I found a topic I was interested in and watched the shit out of those lectures. I enjoyed it very much. Then, I did a whole lot of sleeping and going out with friends. Good Luck! I actually react to stress in the exact opposite way of you. I sleep a whole lot when I’m stressed and don’t sleep when I’m not stressed.

3

I am not exactly sure why you are stressing as you have a definite fall back plan, but since you are, here are some of my recommendations.

I think hanging out with your friends is a great way to relieve stress. Watch a movie with them, play some mini-golf, go to an amusement park etc.

Listening to some music, picking up a TV series like the Blacklist, staying off this forum for the next (at least) 2 months, are all good ways to forget about the stress as well.

Second semester senior year shouldn’t be as busy so use this time to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

Finally, accept that top schools are super difficult to get into. Understand that the college you end up going is probably the one most suited for your needs and the one that will most likely guide you to future success.

4

It might help to realize that this time next year, you will be comfortably situated at college, immersed in your studies and activities and having a great time with your new friends, and all of this will be a distant memory. And you’ll realize that all that anxiety was wasted energy, because things worked out just fine and you are happy, content and thriving right where you are… wherever that may be.

5

Please realise that there is absolutely nothing (zero) that you can do about the college applications. You are done, congratulations! You worked hard in high school and now you have a few months to enjoy it all with your friends. Have fun!

6

I think it’s time to have a conversation with your parents about how much it hurts when they imply that your high match school isn’t good enough. Show them the acceptance rate - I’m sure it’s lower than they think. But even if it’s not, they need to know that being dismissive of your accomplishment (something you have a right to be proud of) is demeaning. Are they going to diss your professional achievements if you don’t measure up? Your spouse and kids if they aren’t good enough? This is good practice at standing up for yourself. You are stressed because instead of celebrating your success with the people you love, you are having to defend yourself. That’s not okay.

7

I also blame your parents for much of your stress. You are so far ahead of the game with two acceptances in your pocket, especially if you think these are good schools for you. You and your parents should celebrate the acceptance to the high match!

Tell your parents their attitude of the current acceptances not being good enough is hurtful and adds stress on you.

8

Recognize that as long as you applied wisely to a group of reach/match/safety schools that you like then you will be fine.

9

Have you been accepted to a college you would be happy to attend? (Sounds like you are with your High Match).
Then don’t worry anymore!
Start looking on line about that college and what types of activities they have there etc.

As far as your parents, just say “I hope I have more choices after all the decisions are in, but would be happy to attend High Match” or “Please be happy for me…Please don’t put more stress on me about colleges…yes I may get into others, but if I don’t I don’t want to feel like you don’t think High Match is not good enough for me.”

and to your friends

Go back to your friends and know that you have a place to attend, with the possibility of others. Rejoice in their acceptances. Commiserate with their denials.

Talk to your guidance counselor about all of this…I am sure they have had other students who have had college stress.

10

@SadAndAnxious , please show this to your parents:

Dear Parents of a stressed out senior,
I am a parent of a senior too. My senior sounds a bit like yours. She has one acceptance at her safety, and we are so delighted that it might as well be Harvard. Meanwhile, our kid now sits and waits, like yours, to hear if she has been accepted to any of the other colleges she has applied to, many of which are highly selective. Especially for the kids with high expectations, whose parents also have high expectations, these next few months of waiting with no word are actually really stressful. They have worked their bottoms off for years, endured hours and hours and days of tests, done lots of activities outside of school, volunteered, figured out what colleges they like, and how to apply to way more than we ever applied to, and filled out many applications, all the while feeling that, to them at least, this is a high-stakes game in a way it never was for us.

Your child has two acceptances, one to a high match. Are you aware of how difficult it is to get into competitive colleges these days? Ivy Leagues turn away perfect GPAs and 2400 SAT scores all the time, by the thousands. Small LACs turn away great candidates by the thousands too. Even “safety” schools turn away great kids, because maybe they think the kid didn’t show enough interest. Getting into college these days is nothing like when our generation went to college. Please congratulate him/her on getting into two colleges and doing all that hard work, because our kids can’t take anything for granted nowadays. Please tell your child that you support him/her no matter what college they end up attending as long as they are happy with the choice. Remind your child that where you go to college doesn’t determine the rest of your life.
Sincerely, a Parent of another stressed out senior

As for you, OP, please listen to all these other posters. Not taking care of yourself, avoiding friends, and not sleeping will not do you any good at all. You are going to encounter stress when you go to college too, so it’s best to manage it now, while you have a few months of time to relax. Force yourself to interact, go to bed at normal times (turn off the electronic devices!), and never leave the house without your hair brushed and your face washed. And if you look bad, and you are a girl, a bit of lipstick and concealer does wonders. Now cheer up a bit, and know that at least a bunch of strangers on CC want to say “well done, and congratulations!”

11

Thanks everyone. I had a good sit down with my parents today and we both agreed that each side was being ridiculous - my parents for not congratulating me enough for High Match, and me for stressing out so much about something that I cannot change at this point. I brought up how them saying I could do “better” than High Match hurt; they said that they didn’t know the process was so hard nowadays, and that they said I could do “better” as a compliment, so that I could have more hope for the regular round.

We talked about High Match and the full-ride at my safety (so happy, just found out about the merit scholarship) and agreed that I am in an excellent position. High Match is a perfect fit for me academically and socially, has a huge alumni network and prestige, and will be a lot of fun. High Match is also considered a low Reach/Reach for most people, so they researched the school and said they were very proud. My parents confessed they didn’t care much for High Match at first simply because we live on the West Coast and High Match is all the way in the deep South. Full-ride safety will save my parents money, and we realized that I could put on my job applications that I received a full-ride and was in the honors program, so that job recruiters could potentially understand that I chose Full-Ride Safety for financial reasons and probably had better options (High Match, and hopefully some regular decision Reaches I applied to). Plus, I was accepted to Full-Ride Safety’s business school, which is very well respected and is actually a target at many firms.

After this discussion, I realize that I am indeed already in a position that most high school seniors would die for, and am much more grateful for what I’ve been given. I’m beyond moved by the quick support, speedy replies, and heartfelt messages sent to me - my experience reading through CC made me view the site as a braggart’s paradise full of competitive over-achievers, so to hear from current college students and parents who genuinely care for my health and well-being (even if I’m a nameless stranger they’ve never met) touched me.

Sincerely,
GratefulAndSlightlyAnxious

12

I’m glad your conversation with your parents went well, @SadAndAnxious - and maybe you’ll keep posting at CC, but under a new and more optimistic screenname? :slight_smile:

I’m mom to a senior, a holder of humanities degrees myself, but working at a rather awesome job in tech. I went to what was then a sort of middling liberal arts college. I won’t name it, but will say that in the 1980s, it wasn’t any great prize. It’s improved significantly since then. but my friends and I joke regularly about our then-less-than-stellar school, and marvel that hey - we’re actually all doing pretty well now, we’re happy, and - best of all - we are all still fiercely attached to each other. I, too, “could’ve done better” but I was young for my class and this place was fairly cheap and close to home. So there I went, and I actually get sorta teary-eyed when I look at my Facebook feed and see all of the amazing people who I wouldn’t know had I gone anywhere else.

So my S has applied to 6 schools - 3 EA, 3 RD. The EAs were safety (2) and high match (1). Accepted to all, with full tuition from the high match. All 3 of the RD schools are reach/crapshoot range. He might get into one - might get into three - but could just as easily be rejected by them all. He might go to the match, but he also might choose to go to one of the safeties - even if he gets in to one of the more prestigious RD schools. He knows the story of my own experience, though, and knows that it’s more important to me that he go where he’s happy, not where he’s “supposed” to go. Only his gf, his GC, and I know where he’s applied, even. “I am not my college apps,” he says.

This whole process is crazy. S is avoiding CC entirely, but has asked me to look up a couple of things for him here. He doesn’t want to get caught up in the drama, and although I’ve told him that I’ve “met” (virtually) a lot of pretty cool students who aren’t at all wrapped up in the braggart’s paradise, as you put it - he just doesn’t want to miss the last months of his senior year stressing about stuff that’s out of his control.

I hope your conversation with your parents has eased your mind. Hang out with your friends, have fun, check out the local places that you never went to because they’re so local or so corny or whatever. Make the good memories now, so you don’t just remember stressing out over this college noise. It’s a crazy process, and not a very humane one. And yes - well done, and congratulations from me as well! :slight_smile:

13

@Coldsummer123 @Jea828 @to2020 @Lindagaf @bopper

Thank you for all your support (and to the other posters as well - sorry, I’m rushing posting this). Looks like that rejection from my ED school was an outlier and i had nothing to worry about! I got into 2 Ivies (including my second choice Ivy) and 3 other non-Ivy top-tier universities! Now, the tough part is choosing

Glad that this grueling process is over, and for all the support given to me. And of course, I won’t let these acceptances (and my non-acceptances) define who I am!

Peace

14

Congratulations.