<p>As my auditions come closer, I find that I'm still not getting support from my dad. My mom has supported me, but still has doubts on whether or not I can make it. And my dad simply says that he knows I won't make it no matter what. He says that I don't look like an actor, and that I don't act like an actor.
In my heart, I know that I can do it. Furthermore, I went to the CMU pre-college program and I did get positive and encouraging feedback. I also know my abilities realistically, and it's not like I'm one of those people on american idol at the beginning.
My dad doesn't like anything related to theater, and hasn't come to see my shows. Yet in a way, I become really discouraged when my dad says things like this, even though he doesn't know anything about theater or the arts.
I don't know how to convince him that I can do this, or that this is a career that despite hard work, can give a lot of satisfaction.
I've tried everything, I just don't know what to say anymore.</p>
<p>You're going to have to be living proof. In otherwords, you cannot convince him. You've tried, it didn't work. I hate that for you. I wish it was not true but focusing on your dad is only hurting you at this point. </p>
<p>Yet be careful to not embark on your work as a way to "show him" or anyone else what you can do. That is just another way of giving his opinion too much weight. Be honest with yourself everystep of the way. Do work you love and let what other people think go. It's a skill you will need all your life. </p>
<p>Think of it this way, you said yourself that your dad doesn't know anything about theater or the arts. So, if he were not your dad you would not value his opinion on this, right? But because you're a good kid, you care what your Dad thinks. Just remind yourself that he just as flawed as the rest of us human beings. Let his words roll off you while affirming your goals in your mind. </p>
<p>Learn to love your dad for what he can provide and learn to forgive him for what he cannot. I'm still working on that with my own parents and I hope my own will do it for me someday because surely, somewhere along the line, I will have let him down.</p>
<p>clay, I am sorry your dad is not supportive at this time. You are just going to have to forge ahead and do your best without his support -- at least right now. One thing that may help you, psychologically, is to view his lack of support as coming from his fear that you won't be able to make a living, rather than as an expression of his lack of faith in <em>you</em>, personally, as an actor or human being. </p>
<p>Let me try saying this another way: perhaps he is just worried that, as an actor, you would have a hard life ahead of you and because he loves you so much, he doesn't want to have to see you struggle. Parents don't like to see their kids struggle; they want their kids to have it easier than they did, and to have a good, comfortable life. He no doubt knows the odds of being able to support onself (not to mention a family, sometime in the future!) as an actor are tough odds, and he wants easier odds for you.</p>
<p>Does that make sense? </p>
<p>In any case, looking at the situation from your parent's vantage point might provide you with a slightly different take on things, and allow you to feel less hurt and frustrated. </p>
<p>Best wishes! We here on this list can't wait until you post your successes! And when that happens, I feel pretty sure your dad will feel better, too!</p>
<p>
[quote]
My dad doesn't like anything related to theater, and hasn't come to see my shows.
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If he hasn't even come to your shows, he has no basis for making any judgment on your likelihood of success. I don't think you're going to overcome this level of resistance with any kind of persuasion that's available to you now.</p>
<p>Many of my students have had similar issues with their parents -- you are definitely not the first to have this problem. A friend of my daughter's is putting himself through college with no financial aid from his parents. They would be happy to pay the bills if he wanted to major in business, but drew the line at musical theater. I agree with NMR that much of the resistance probably comes from concern for your future. There is also the issue of ignorance about the world of theater. Some people -- particularly men -- just don't get it because it's unfamiliar to them. In many cases, I've seen parents do a total turn-around once they come to see their kids perform. Let's hope that will be the case with your dad.</p>
<p>Clay:</p>
<p>NotMamaRose and onstage have diagnosed one source of the problem, your father's fear that you will be unemployable if you major in Theatre. Nothing could be further from the truth. I recommend a piece to you written by Louis Catron, professor of theatre at the College of William and Mary in Virginia. Both NotMamaRose and soozievt have excerpted sections of it before. But you can find the entire piece on Dr. Catron's website. I won't provide a link here, because of cc.com rules, but all you have to do is google "Louis Catron" and you'll find his website. Once there, scroll down to the link to "What Theatre Majors Learn". I suggest printing it out for your mom. She will find it useful in talking to your dad about your future.</p>
<p>Thank you so much, the link was helpful too!</p>
<p>You're welcome, Clay. I recommend Dr. Catron's piece to all parents of theatre majors. It helps to allay fears.</p>
<p>My comments are not based on a knowledge of theater, but as the parent of a classical musician son and a daughter who has a nonconventional career in companion animal care.</p>
<p>Perhaps your dad doesn't want you to fall into "the starving artist syndrome", and his unsupportive ways are his means of dealing with it. He may also see a four year degree in a performance arts discipline as a "waste" or one with slim chance of success. Perhaps he has no conception of what it means to be driven by a Muse.</p>
<p>I realized early on that you can't dictate the goals, aspirations, and dreams of others. My son has an extraordinary talent, and we as parents were always supportive of his desire to "make it" as a performing musician. Yet, we, like most parents, had no means of measuring that talent across a broad spectrum. We had to rely on professional assessments, and honors, accolades, and opportuntities that came about as the result of his talent.</p>
<p>No doubt he wants the best for you, wants you to succeed, but for any number of reasons (his own upbringing and experiences, his need for security, a sense of "practicality" versus "pipe dreams") can't see your path as valid, or maybe just too "iffy".</p>
<p>Unless he can accept that all are not cast in the same mold, this will be a stumbling block. As long as YOU are aware of the level of competition, are confident in both your ability and potential, and realize the odds of acheiving what many perceive as normal financial and job security, you're the one that has to live with it.</p>
<p>Assuage his fears. Tell him you know the odds. Outline some of your thoughts and goals, and what drives you as a performer. And let him know that a BFA or BA is still a four year degree, and will position you for grad school in an unrelated discipline down the road should you choose, or allow you to apply to the same jobs as would any liberal arts degree holder. Make him confident that you're not going into this with blinders on. There's a thread here <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/460187-how-many-music-voice-performance-majors-find-jobs.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/music-major/460187-how-many-music-voice-performance-majors-find-jobs.html</a> with a number of observations from both parents with kids in music performance and other arts disciplines, as well as some parents with performance related degrees of their own. It may provide some insights to both you and your dad.</p>
<p>The best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I hope clay's dad can find it in himself to support his son's desire to do something that perhaps the dad wouldn't have chosen for his son to do. I am a firm believer that people must choose their own life paths and that no one -- not even parents paying college tuition! -- have the right to try to dictate what someone should study or what someone should become.</p>
<p>I can certainly appreciate a parent's concern for how their child will eventually support themselves (the same can be said for many other majors, too). </p>
<p>To be honest, I finally felt much less stressed about this last week when D2 shared with us how she sees her future playing out, and it definitely included a Plan B that was feasible. Last summer she took a bartending class, and while it's not my ideal for how she might eventually provide most of her income, she has a plan, and has already taken steps to make sure she has an employable skill that will complement an audition schedule. Anyway, she told us that she definitely could see herself moving back home after graduation, and until she could save up enough money to move down into the city (Chicago). In the meantime, she'd pick up a bartending job while trying to get performing work. </p>
<p>Like I said, she has a very appropriate plan that provides flexibility and income, things that she'll need throughout her life if she wants to perform. Perhaps if you can come up with your Plan B, your dad will realize that you are fully aware of the kind of future you will be faced with, and feel more confident in your assessment of the situation.</p>
<p>What could be my Plan B?</p>
<p>Clay - only you can answer that, because the "plan B" will differ depending on an individuals passions and interests. If you end up going to a college that exposes you to the many career paths in the arts, you may find an interest there.ie. casting director, agent, entertainment law (this of course would require you to go to law school, but I went to Syracuse drama with a few perple who have since gone to law school, because they found that was their chosen path), director, producer, teacher, public relations... The list of professions connected to the performing arts is endless. What terriwitt is talking about is another sort of "plan B", a realistic plan for pursuing this tough profession. Being a performer can involve periods of unemployment while auditioning for your next job. Many performers develop "survival job" skills... Bartending, waiting tables, paralegal, computers, accompanying, office assistant, etc... I think that it is important right now to focus on your first step, preparing for you auditions. At the same time, perhaps letting your parents know that you are realistic about the difficult path you have chosen may help them to be more supportive. Good luck!</p>
<p>clay - my D's Plan B didn't become evident to her until last spring when she heard about some of the other drama students taking this bartending class. She kind of knew she'd always have to have one, but she certainly didn't know what it was at age 17. But it definitely made me feel better when I saw she took steps to get training for Plan B.</p>
<p>My D has been interning at a theatre this year and found out there is a heck of a lot to do in this business that does not involve acting. Many of the people working in the theatre are actors, but working at the theatre, making it "go" is their "plan B" and keeps food on the table and a shelter over their heads. Plus, being in the theatre gives them a shot at getting good roles AT the theatre. My D, by interning there, has learned valuable skills, like how to solicit donors, marketing, working the box office, and putting together Board books for Board meetings.... all work that she can use if she needs her own "plan B" when she hits the real world. Its a great way to earn a living being around the thing you love....</p>
<p>Hey NMR or Soozievt - do you still have the link for that article - we shared it once before, it has 25 things that a theater degree can help a student with in life, it was great. It could help this young man's father understand how a theater degree can be a good thing.</p>
<p>See post #6 in this thread for that info.</p>