My dad right now makes ~$400k/year (give or take a few 10k). He can comfortably pay $40k/year for the out-of-state university I am attending (Purdue - Computer Technology major). He and my mom have constantly told me not to worry about cost and that they can cover the costs. They WANT to pay $15k extra per year so I can have this better opportunity. I have a sister five years younger to me who aspires to go to a top university like Stanford or MIT, and knowing this large income, I doubt she’s going to get any aid, either.
I would’ve been just as happy at my local state school I got admitted to (San Francisco State - CS major) if cost was an issue or my parents weren’t willing to pay.
But they are financially able to pay, are willing to pay, and most importantly want to pay. They want this better education quality and brand name for me.
I just feel kind of guilty. Prestige doesn’t really matter for CS majors. What matters more is experience and what you know.
Sometimes I wonder if the extra cost is really worth it. If I really deserve it. I got caught for cheating in high school (luckily didn’t get a cheating file). I’ve lied before. I’ve stolen money. I’ve flunked a class before.
Yet they are doing so much for me and sending me off to this much bigger school.
I just feel guilty. Sometimes, I feel spoiled. Or at least undeserving of this privilege.
My dad told me he is willing to pay for my grad school too, if I decide to go.
Besides being honest, truthful, and studying hard in college, how can I deal with the guilt? How can I potentially “pay back” my family (if not monetarily)? Show them I love them and am not taking what they do for granted?
It’s a good sign you are aware that you are quite possibly spoiled and that you recognize the bad choices you’ve made in the past (cheating, flunking & stealing).
My impression is that you are growing up and just in time I might ad. College is a good time to start over, start fresh and reinvent the new you. Just as you’ve made poor choice in the past, you can make excellent choices now. You can choose to study hard, choose to always be honest and choose to go above and beyond for your family and others in the small ways that count big. Call home, send cards, be thoughtful, and help your parents with things around the house like picking up after yourself and doing chores even though you don’t have to. Talk to your parents/family. Share with them. Build the greatest emotional relationship with them that you can. Vow right now to be an excellent son or daughter. Make sure that as your parents age you care for them. Visit them, Help them. In short, do all the tings that money can’t buy. At the end of the day, those are the things in life that really matter. It is my humble opinion that if you do these things your guilt will ease.
Parent and IT manager here. Your parents are willing to pay specifically because they want you to succeed and are giving you this chance. The best way to repay them is to do exactly as above.
Nobody in this world wants you to succeed like your parents nor would be so easily willing to give you a second chance. Make them and yourself proud, making better choices.
Also, improve for your own benefit. Note you indicated prestige does not matter for cs, only what you know. Well how does cheating help improve what you know ? Integrity matters, lies can only harm you. If I had to choose between and MIT grad who lies and cheats or a SF State grad who is honest and hard working, easy choice for me to make hire/fire decisions. So yes it matters more what you know but also your character. Nobody cares about your grades after you are out school and working. Missing As in a class wont keep you from a job, probably even grad school is still an option. My son toon hard course in undergrad, did not get all As, but he’s in an Ivy grad program now. There are many factors. All that said, if you do work hard and learn, it’s not a bad thing to have a more recognized degree if you want to have options at grad schools or employers globally vs just locally. I am on the east coast, and people know nothing of SF state, but Purdue is more recognized.
As a parent, while I want to help my kids succeed, it would be tough to continue paying unless you do as you indicate and make yourself and them proud. That is how you pay them back, by showing them they did the right thing giving you a chance to fix things.
I think you’ve answered your own question - the only way you can “pay them back” is by making the most of the opportunities you’ve been given. You moving beyond your bad prior decisions and growing into a successful adult is all the reward they want. But it sounds like maybe you would prefer not to have that pressure, which I totally understand. Do you feel if you went to a cheaper college you wouldn’t have to work as hard or have the pressure to succeed? I think you need to back out of internal discussion on what you “owe your parents” and think through why you are going to college in the first place. Your parents want you to have opportunities to grow and thrive but unless you are really ready for them you won’t really be getting the experience they want for you. Make sure you’re not going off to school because you can’t think of anything else to do. This is the beginning of adulthood - it’s time for you to take the wheel. If you take your education seriously and make deliberate decisions based on your own goals, even if you decide not to go to Purdue or even to go to college next year, you and your parents will end up far happier with your experience.
As a parent, all I want in life is for my son to be happy. What money I have exists to support that goal; there is no better use for it. So, if your parents are comfortable paying, no need for guilt.
What you can do for them, as well as for you, is to thrive. Do well at college. Enjoy it. Make good, thoughtful choices. Grow into a happy, confident person who will be a source of pride and joy for your parents.
I do want my kids to be responsible and ethical. I’m happy when they’re happy, but proud of their good judgment. OP, you need to grow past the prior mistakes, set the right course and become an effective young adult.
I don’t think it matters which college, if you resolve to face life maturely from today on. This is your life. Going to the cheaper college doesn’t absolve you from that responsibility. There are no shortcuts. Make yourself proud.
How fortunate you are that your parents have the desire and means to help you achieve your dreams! Do not allow yourself to wallow in feelings of guilt - an “I’m not worthy” attitude is just an excuse to waste this opportunity. You “pay them back” by showing them that their emotional and monetary investment in you is worth it: study hard, do well, THANK THEM frequently, graduate and launch your career and life into adulthood. And then rinse and repeat with your children.
My parents paid for my college education and my H’s parents paid for his. It was a source of great pleasure and pride for my H and I to send our kids to college. What did we want in return? We expected our children to appreciate the gift of attending a college of their choice and to make the most of their opportunity in every way possible (academically, socially, involvement on campus). And yes…we certainly hope they can and will do the same thing for their kids.
Instead of feeling guilty here are some things you can do –
–Tell your parents “thank you” and that you appreciate what they are doing for your future. This will mean a lot (trust me)
–When you come home for vacation surprise them with a Purdue mug/hat (whatever you think they will like)
–Keep in touch while you are in college (even once a week or so is fine) – when you can share a couple of stories about things you love at Purdue.
–You have made mistakes but hopefully you have learned, grown, and matured since then – don’t repeat that pattern. --Make the most of your opportunity.
I’ve looked at Purdue’s website and I think @MYOS1634 and @mom2collegekids are right. I don’t think Computer Technology is “almost the same” as Computer Science at all. The CT program is from the Purdue Polytechnic Institute. The CS program is from the College of Science.
Check the courses required for each major. Computer Technology seems geared for people who want to be IT consultants or network administrators. It has a lot of database and systems courses. Those are just one small part of Computer Science.
The Computer Science major has different [url=<a href=“https://www.cs.purdue.edu/undergraduate/curriculum/bachelor.html%5Dtracks%5B/url”>https://www.cs.purdue.edu/undergraduate/curriculum/bachelor.html]tracks[/url]. The range of courses offered in CS is much broader than what’s available in CT. They offer graphics, artificial intelligence, bioinformatics, algorithms, compilers, programming languages, cryptography, and machine learning.
Do you have to get accepted into the College of Science to be considered for the CS program? I know some colleges have majors that are really difficult to get into, but I don’t know if Purdue is one of them. If you aren’t sure if you’ll want to stay in CT make sure you’ll be allowed to switch to CS later on.
You handle the guilt by being awesome… not perfect, because no one is, but having an awesome life. Work hard, develop quality relationships, call your mother once in awhile. Your parents prepared to help you. They are offering to help you. Be gracious, thankful and remember it when they are old and struggling and could use an educated advocate themselves.
Concur with others that you need to be aware of how the Purdue computer information technology major differs from computer science (at Purdue, SFSU, and most other schools), and determine whether it is better or worse for your eventual goals. If you want to go into design and development of computers and software, computer science is the preferable major; computer information technology is more for those who want to go into less technical computer and network management or information technology jobs.
@ucbalumnus@austinmshauri@collegemom2kids I actually got admitted to Purdue as a computer graphics (web development) major, and that is something I am interested in (if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have picked Purdue). It is in the computer technology department, though, so I can put “Bachelor’s Degree, Computer Technology” on my resume. I also have the option to minor in computer science later down the line with this major (unless I decide to switch to a full-fledged CS major).