<p>I go to a pretty prestigious school that is also VERY expensive. I know my parents can pay for it, but I still feel like I owe them a lot and that I should save in other places. I'm really disappointed in myself when I go out, but at the same time, I really want to go out and have fun. I'm just really intent on getting good grades and getting a good job to make my parents proud. is this wrong? its guilt and borderline thankfulness, i don't know how to really deal wtih this.</p>
<p>speaking as a parent of a student who is at a prestigious school in which i will be deep in loan for many years:
as long as my son is giving a 100 percent to his studies i am happy..
i have noticed his own evolution as he gets older to question any of
his excess purchases...i know his education will lead to many good job
options but the college years experiences are worth every penny.,
just take part of a variety of extracurricular your school offers ..i</p>
<p>im sure you have paid back your parents a thousand times over being
a great student and child to them these first 2 decades..in yiddish there
is a word ..nachas..which basically means a heart overflowing with joy
i know you have given your parents "nachas" everytime one of their friends
asks about you!!</p>
<p>D and S1 have shown their gratitude by taking advantage of their opportunities at their repective schools. They go to all their classes (ok--we know that they have probably missed a few--but they actually are proud of going to class regularly!), work hard for their grades and get involved in the activities, particularly the spectator sports. They still have time to go out, hang with their friends, go away on a few trips (especially true of D when she was doing a year abroad) and be regular college kids. Parents want their kids to have a "life" in addition to studying!</p>
<p>In the summer they have worked hard to earn money to pay for their own books, that extra travel and all their incidentals. They don't ask us for any spending money, though they know that we would help them out if they did. They have learned how to juggle finances, getting around, schoolwork and social time--plus they both have had campus jobs. </p>
<p>We are very proud of the way they have chosen to let us know how much they appreciate the gift of a good college education, and that they have been extremely responsible as young adults!! That's all we have wanted as a "payback".</p>
<p>You can work during the summers and get a part time job during the school year. You also can apply for merit aid at your school (if it offers such aid), and you can apply for outside scholarships. After you're making money, you can pay your parents back by doing something like getting them something nice that they would appreciate, but wouldn't buy for themselves.</p>
<p>Of course, you also should be: taking maximum advantage of educational opportunities, expressing appreciation to your parents, doing whatever you can to help out with your parents when you are home; and not frittering away any allowance that you get.</p>
<p>As long as your parents can afford it, you should have not guilt. Your hard work and happiness will be a more sufficient reward for them.</p>
<p>And yes, I am sure they expect you to go out on the weekend and have fun with friends too.</p>
<p>I know a young man who, in addition to working every summer, shows his gratitude for his parents help by taking on a project for them every summer or over the Christmas holidays. One summer he refinished their wood floors! Has helped build a deck, etc. They don't ask him to do this, he just feels that he owes them.</p>
<p>My parents feel that I paid them back by squeezing all the juice out of the education I got -- both in terms of getting excellent grades and in terms of taking advantage of all the speakers, music, connections, and everything else available at the expensive schools. I'm also using all those advantages in my career to the best of my ability.</p>
<p>Honestly, if you have good parents, college tuition is the least of what they've given you. You owe them much more for other gifts than you do for that.</p>
<p>I think your parents have already received their payment --- a child who cares enough to ask the question you asked.</p>
<p>In my family, the guilt was dealt with in the mid-1800s, when my great-great-grandfather told his kids "I will pay for you, but you must agree to pay for your own children." He sent ten kids to college (including his daughters), and every generation since has been student-loan-free. My kids don't feel guilty, because they've made the same deal.</p>
<p>^^ WoW...good deal...
my parents have paid for my sisters schools both of them and private hs for me 10th 11th and next yr 12th grade my other sister nursery-12th and college and my other sister k-5th grade private school plus college(she went to public ms and hs the private school just wasnt for her...) my parents just saved up... a lot...and my dad makes a lot of money(he aint rich but decently wealthy lets put it that way)..and even when he retires he has a decent salary paid for 20 yrs....(long story...) Its hard tho i do feel very lucky every day that i come from a wealthy family and that if i got into a high tuition school i could go there...i see all these people on here complaining about how high the tuition is... my friend wanted to stay close to home(briliant grl 95 in a very challenging IB curriculum shes a IB canidate...) b.c her 2 friends in her grade couldnt afford nething but community college(while my friend...u could fit my old house and my new house..in her house and still have room..thats how big it is....and she has her own horse) She ended looking at Miami..and was like i want to go to this school it wouldnt be the first time that family looked at private schools in the south her brother and her father went/go to tulane..so i think her minds changing she could afford it..</p>
<p>The guilt is GOOD. Make a pact with yourself to pay it for forward, not only with your own kids, but with others who will never have had the opportunity made possible by your parents' largesse.</p>
<p>And give them a big hug and kiss.</p>
<p>Mini is right. You can't pay your parents back, but you can pay it forward.</p>
<p>My parents went out of their way to enable my sister and me to graduate from college with no debts. Now it's my turn to do the same for my kids. And I hope that they will someday be able to give the same advantage to their kids.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, get your parents' money's worth -- not just in the classroom, but by taking advantage of at least some of the other things that your college and the community around it have to offer.</p>
<p>You sound like a wonderful son (I'm assuming you're a boy, Paco). Anyway, can you talk to your parents about this? I would be both proud and dismayed if my son felt guilty. Proud because it shows how considerate he is, and dismayed because I want him to be happy. Maybe you could open up the conversation by telling your folks how grateful you are, how much you love them, how fortunate you feel, etc. And then segue into your other feelings.</p>
<p>I feel the exact same way here. For days after I received my fin/aid package, I wondered if I'd made the right decision and how I could possibly ever repay my parents for their "we'll make it work" attitude.</p>
<p>And like many of the parents here have suggested, one of the goals I've set for myself is to become financially responsible. My parents are perfectly willing to give me spending money every month if I need it, but I'm determined to make sure that I don't need it - whether by getting a work-study job on-campus or by saving from my current part-time job.</p>
<p>I also intend to take advantage of as many opportunities as I can. Obviously, it's not possible to do everything, but if my student ID comes with free passes to local museums, then why not visit those museums and learn something? </p>
<p>After feeling terrible for several days, I decided that feeling guilty wasn't going to get me anywhere. If I want to show my parents how grateful I am, I should do exactly what they're paying so much money for: to have a great college experience both educationally and socially. Hopefully, my college experience will be worth every last penny, and if it isn't, then that's when it's been a waste of money,</p>