<p>I want to know when he is away what he is doing, I have considered asking his friends about this but I want a more indirect way.</p>
<p>Also on his computer I want to know what he does. I don't intend to be paranoid but I want to make sure he is safe and not getting into trouble.</p>
<p>Well you failed. You ARE being paranoid. Let the kid be unless he/she gives you a reason to worry.</p>
<p>You should be talking to your child about his experiences at college. Is there any reason not to trust him and instead needing to talk to his friends? Wanting to snoop on his computer while in college is ridiculous.</p>
<p>He has an ex-girlfriend who associates with people who do drugs, I want to make sure he is not still in touch with her or her friends.</p>
<p>I was searching online on how to track his activities and I found something called a “keylogger”. I think I might find one and use it to see what he is really up to. The reason I am worried is because when I asked him about his grades from last semester he completely blew me off and he usually isn’t like that. I was also thinking of talking to his professor but I don’t want to embarrass him.</p>
<p>About finding out information on school performance from a professor, there are legal restrictions imposed by FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act):
[Family</a> Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) | U.S. Department of Education](<a href=“http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html]Family”>Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA))
[What</a> FERPA Means for You and Your College Student ? College Parent Central](<a href=“http://www.collegeparentcentral.com/2009/06/what-ferpa-means-for-you-and-your-college-student/]What”>What FERPA Means for You and Your College Student – College Parent Central)</p>
<p>*"What does FERPA mean for you as a college parent?</p>
<p>Generally FERPA rules mean that student academic information such as grades or academic standing (GPA, academic transcript, academic warning, academic probation, or discipline records) will be given to the student and not to the parents. College students are considered responsible adults who may determine who will receive information about them. College representatives are prohibited from discussing information about the student’s academic record with parents. Most colleges have a waiver form which students can sign allowing records to be released to parents or college representatives, such as faculty members, to discuss records with parents. Your student may, or may not, wish to sign this release.</p>
<p>Does this mean that you have no way to find out your student’s grades?</p>
<p>Because FERPA legislation prevents parents from finding out student grades and academic standing directly from the school, the best way to find out how your student is doing is to ask him. The sharing of student academic information with parents becomes a family issue rather than an institutional issue. It is a decision that families should discuss and make together. Perhaps one of the benefits of the FERPA rule is that it provides an additional opportunity for parents to communicate with their college student about their expectations and the student’s responsibilities. Rather than seeing this legislation as a barrier to good college parenting, parents might see this as an important opportunity for meaningful dialogue with a student.</p>
<p>If your college student signs a waiver, does this mean that grades will automatically be sent to you?</p>
<p>If a student signs a FERPA waiver, it allows the college to release academic information if that information is requested. This means that a parent will still need to request grades, they will not automatically be sent to parents." *</p>
<p>Jetsfan99, I predict rough times ahead for you and your son. I’m sorry. Young adults HATE parental snooping. </p>
<p>What will you do if you find out he still has a relationship with that girl? What will you do if you find out he’s flunking? Whatever you do, how will you explain how you found out?</p>
<p>Better to strengthen the relationship if possible. Start making regular visits.</p>
<p>People that do drugs aren’t the end of the world. He’s in college, he’s going to be exposed to them. </p>
<p>The way the OP proposed using a keylogger, plus the low post count, makes me wonder if this is just a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>School is out, kids are board, new posters appear with outrageous problems and/or suggestions…</p>
<p>It’s ■■■■■ season. Please don’t feed them, it attracts their friends.</p>
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<p>If it’s not a ■■■■■, the OP also needs to consider that he/she may be setting him/herself and the son for potential school judicial and legal troubles as using keyloggers violates many school computing/networking policies and possibly state/local laws. </p>
<p>More importantly, if a parent does feel the need for this snooping or worse, actually acts on it…it doesn’t speak well to said parent’s parenting skills or morals & ethics.</p>
<p>Considering I am paying for his education and it is my laptop which he is using I don’t see why I can’t know what he is doing with it. It is easy for you to say that he will be fine but if he is not then that is something he will have to deal with the rest of his life. I worked hard to get him this opportunity to go to college and I am only trying to help him. I don’t see any harm done by me knowing what he is doing there.</p>
<p>You may be breaking the law, that’s why it is problematic.</p>
<p>jetsfan, why can’t you just TALK to your son?</p>
<p>^Perhaps you could petition the NSA to help you. They have all the data you need. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>"The reason I am worried is because when I asked him about his grades from last semester he completely blew me off and he usually isn’t like that. I was also thinking of talking to his professor but I don’t want to embarrass him. "</p>
<p>Tell him any future tuition bill payments (and continued stipend, if he gets one from you) will be dependent on his revealing those grades and future ones. And if they’ve tanked, work together with him a measurable plan for action as well as a basement GPA which he must maintain semester by semester. This if a good communication plan between adults who care & respect each other. Prying into his private matters is a poor subsitute.</p>
<p>The professor won’t say anything due to FERPA as well – would face termination otherwise. Don’t even ask.</p>
<p>“I don’t see any harm done by me knowing what he is doing in there.”</p>
<p>You don’t see any harm? How about the fact that your son will never fully trust you again? Your relationship with your son, which seems to not be that great given your refusal to talk to him, will be damaged.
Plus that whole violating the law thing. That’s pretty harmful.</p>
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<p>There were several recent cases of spouses being sentenced to prison terms for using keyloggers on their spouses…even though they technically “owned” the computer. Courts didn’t care that the computer itself was owned. </p>
<p>Rather, they cared that a piece of hardware/software which is illegal to have or used in such a manner was possessed/used in such a manner by the defendant. When those facts were proven beyond a reasonable doubt…the defendant ended up in prison. </p>
<p>Moreover, the network the notebook is placed on while your S is in college belongs to the college and if a state university…the state…so that network isn’t yours to place a keylogger on a computer located on it.</p>
<p>Funny, I never had any problem getting my students’ grades. I simply asked the student for them, and they sent me an unofficial transcript or gave me access to their grades online.</p>
<p>As you said, YOU’RE PAYING. I don’t even pay all of my kids’ way, and it’s not been an issue. I am sure you can have that discussion with your son and get the information you need without breaking the law or vioating school rules or any trusts.</p>
<p>I like the idea of withholding any further tuition payment unless he is forthcoming about his grades. I am all for student privacy but at some point, we as parents need to know if the money we are putting in, is getting put to use. Also see if you can get to know his friends. That way you can have some idea about his social stuff…hacking into his network account isn’t the way to go.</p>
<p>Demanding grades and results when you are paying is more than fair. I’m surprised every single parent that contributes doesnt do this and demand a 3.0 or better GPA.</p>
<p>A keylogger on someone over the age of 18’s computer is beyond ridiculous and an absolutely despicable invasion of privacy. I sincerely hope anyone who does this faces due process. For spouses, if not revealing emails/texts is a dealbreaker, end the relationship.</p>
<p>I’ve been fine with women ending a relationship over that. My texts are no different than my private conversations with friends or groups of friends, all of which they are not privvy to.</p>
<p>But to spy on your son in a manner that is literally worse than a camera in his room at college behind his back? I can’t believe you’d even consider this.</p>
<p>I think the OP has been beat up enough over the keylogger suggestion. </p>
<p>To the OP - you are obviously feeling great distress and concern for your son. This can be a tough one if your son is not communicating with you. And it’s easy for those of us on the outside to suggest you “just talk to him”. This is difficult if the relationship is strained for whatever reason. I can only suggest that when you talk to him, you reassure him that you want what is best for him, you are concerned since he isn’t communicating a lot with you, you want to support him as best as possible, etc.</p>