How to gently help package your senior for college admission

Parents Forum
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<p>Nothing particularly new here, but it does have some good points.</p>

<p><a href="http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/education/2003326861_collegeap28.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/education/2003326861_collegeap28.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>I know that there are some students on CC who brag about how they applied to college without any help or input from their parents and think that the majority of CC parents are doing their kids a disservice by being involved. But I have definitely seen "family collaboration" as the norm, especially if the kid is interested in applying to highly selective schools.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the link, idad. Good article. To continue LMNOP's quote:</p>

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[quote]
That's exactly the attitude Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg and Marilee Jones decry in "Less Stress," citing "spiraling pressure and angst" that leads to anxious kids who value results over ethics.</p>

<p>"As long as we focus only on a short-range goal [college admission], we undermine the real goal: creating a generation of young people who will thrive and be prepared to live productive, joyful and satisfying adult lives," they write.</p>

<p>"The application is the piece of the admissions puzzle over which students have complete control," notes Marjorie Nieuwenhuis in "Parent's Guide to College Admissions." "The quality of the application can make or break a student's chances of admission."</p>

<p>With that kind of pressure, it's no wonder why students procrastinate — or why that in turn drives parents crazy.</p>

<p>So where's the line between "I'm a supportive parent" and "We'll do anything to get in"?

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<p>Great question - although some of the items on the "to do" list will still seem either not enough or intrusive and excessive to some parents. Yet, who can argue with:</p>

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Provide snacks. Don't discount the motivational properties of ice cream or pizza.</p>

<p>Be the good-taste moderator. Some teens want to prove their individuality. This can lead to no-nos such as props, "gifts," funny essays (read: potentially offensive) and bright-colored paper. "If you notice your children heading to the post office lugging an oversized package and looking smugly pleased with themselves, do everything in your power to intervene," writes Arlene Matthews in "Getting In Without Freaking Out."

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<p>I hope none of these sage admissions officers are at colleges where it is absolutely necessary for parents to get involved in registering their kids for classes. In light of what was posted yesterday, I'm being far more sympathetic to helicopter parents than I used to.</p>

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<p>I must have missed yesterday's post; marite, can you post the link?</p>

<p>The problem that I see with the whole process is that it can be a part to full-time job! For the top schools, the kids have to take rigorous courseloads, which nowadays means lots of homework; do extracurriculars that show passion, leadership & community service, which also means lots of hours; and prep for (either with a tutor, a class or on their own) and take standardized tests, which means more hours. And on top of this, they're supposed to research all the schools that are out there or even the ones that meet their primary requirements, keep track of deadlines, write essays, schedule visits & interviews, go on them, and contact the admissions offices themselves to have all their questions answered? And this will somehow lessen their stress??? Nuts!</p>

<p>If I can remove some of the stress by searching college websites based on her broad parameters and then showing these schools to her, getting answers to questions, scheduling visits & interviews, filling out standard information on application forms (like name, address, parent info, extracurriculars, etc.), maintaining the list of deadlines, addressing & stuffing envelopes, and anything else she asks me to do, then darned right I'm going to do it! And if that makes me a helicopter parent, then so be it. I'd rather she get some sleep!</p>

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<p>I don't think parents should be "packaging" their seniors for college admission (although we can certainly help them with the endless work involved in the admissions process).</p>

<p>But parents should most definitely take an active role in making sure that their 8th, 9th, and 10th graders aren't making choices that will hamper their later college admissions prospects.</p>

<p>Kids who are starting high school or who are in the early stages of high school are focused on the high school experience -- not the prospect of college admission way down the road -- and that's the way it should be. But with the way the system works, somebody needs to be thinking about college admissions even then, and that somebody had better be the parents. </p>

<p>It's the parents who need to be sure that their 8th grader has chosen honors classes where appropriate, rather than taking the easiest possible schedule. It's the parents who need to make sure that their beginning high schooler realizes that it's important to take academic work seriously. It's the parents who need to (gently) urge a 9th grader to become involved in extracurricular activities. It's the parents who need to research the testing maze and point out to their (usually oblivious) 10th grader that he or she should take certain SAT Subject Tests at the end of the year, even though the student is not yet focused on standardized tests. Etcetera.</p>

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<p>Not a parent, but I am a student who was NOT "packaged" for college. Or, hell, for anything.</p>

<p>My parents always let me make my own choices. If I wanted to take an easy class, they let me; if I wanted to play hooky from school, they were willing to call me in sick; if I wanted to blow off homework for a month straight, they disapproved but permitted it (true story); and so on. And now I appreciate education, and I'm at a good college with a great GPA.</p>

<p>I am incredibly grateful that they raised me this way--after all, it's MY life, and I am the only one who gets the right to make decisions that will impact it. If my parents had decided to "package" me for college, well, I would've blown them off and done things my own way. Of course, if I ever asked for help, they did everything in their power to do what they could to help me, too...</p>

<p>I understand that many kids need more help than others, but I think that the vast majority would be able to survive just fine without their parents pushing them along. Most of these packaged kids don't know how the real world works--and that's a sorely needed education.</p>

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<p>The thread is called: " What would you say--in class inattention?"</p>

<p>I still don't know how to link :(</p>

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<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=254096%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=254096&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>The way I do it is, go to that thread, then copy and paste its web address into this message.</p>

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<p>idad</p>

<p>Thanks for the article. Since it's what I'm doing, I'll take it as the gospel truth! I do sometimes step over a line (nudging for work on apps at the wrong time, for example), my son has a nice way of telling me that he'll get to it later, and also asks me to nag and remind when he's feeling off-track.</p>

<p>It is his process, but he's letting us come along for part of the ride and is (usually) thankful for the secretarial and organizational support. I'm grateful he'll let us be a part of this really exciting transition point in his life.</p>

<p>I agree with the article that letting your child's light shine through is probably better than packaging (my take on the article anyway). Our kids aren't commodities, they're human beings. The "best" schools (best fit for my kid) will want him just the way he is.</p>

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<p>Sorry for being OT:</p>

<p>What is the web address? Is it the same thing as the thread title on the left hand corner at the top? I copy it but it does not give the thread number and link.</p>

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<p>Marite, if you are using Internet Explorer, there's an area at the top of the page (underneath the toolbar), called "address." The address usually begins with "<a href="http://talk......"&gt;http://talk......&lt;/a&gt;." If you copy and paste this address into your post, it will provide a link for others to use. I hope I explained this well enough -- I'm sure someone else can add whatever I've missed!</p>

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<p>Sorry to be the one to break it you atmjunk, but as you grow older you will find that there is a whole host of people who have the right to make decisions that will impact your life. Your parents, who are paying for your upbringing, are merely the first ones you encounter along the way. Your spouse, employers, politicians holding public office, and eventually your children will all be making many decisions that will affect you, sometimes in very sigificant ways that are not necessarily to your liking.</p>

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<p>Well said, coureur.</p>

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<p>sjmom:
Ah. I use Mozilla and it does not give the address.</p>

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<p>marite: If you are using Mozilla Forefox, from the View menu, choose Tool Bars: Navigation Tool Bar.</p>

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<p>*But parents should most definitely take an active role in making sure that their 8th, 9th, and 10th graders aren't making choices that will hamper their later college admissions prospects.</p>

<p>Kids who are starting high school or who are in the early stages of high school are focused on the high school experience -- not the prospect of college admission way down the road -- and that's the way it should be. But with the way the system works, somebody needs to be thinking about college admissions even then, and that somebody had better be the parents. *</p>

<p>I have whinged about my family not being involved with my own education.
In my era, as I am sure others on the board, we had junior high schools, and I was not really cognisant that courses taken in 9th grade were so important and would determine your choices after high school.
When I got to the high school then, the counselors saw me as " not on the college track" and responded accordingly.</p>

<p>In my work at the high school, I see other kids who don't realize till junior or even senior year , that yes- they do want to go to college.
This makes it more difficult of course, to find them a college, and to help them get at least the minimum type of classes to make that a possibility.( </p>

<p>atmjunks experience not withstanding, I do think that teens still need parents to advise and guide them.
Of course it does depend quite a bit on personality, but even though both my kids are fiercely independent, they do allow me to make suggestions and realize that as an adult, I have a perspective that can save them lots of time and energy in the long run- </p>

<p>My parents didn't notice if I didn't do homework or even attend class and rather than that making me appreciate what passed for education at my high school even more, it convinced me that it wasn't a big deal if I wasn't invested in school.</p>

<p>I think there is a huge difference between pushing and guiding.
I don't think it is pushing to insist kids do their homework and attend class, I would think it would be pushing to insist they rewrite their college essays over and over, and want a blow by blow of the interview.</p>

<p>I expect most students would probably pretty strongly resist those suggestions though- which is why I wonder if pushing is really that big of a concern- other than as a force for conflict in most households with high school seniors</p>

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<p>Let them do that in college!</p>

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<p>Like in their college choice...</p>

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<p>Or choosing your nursing home . . .</p>