How to handle parents disagreement switching majors

Parents Forum
1

For the last 6 years, I’ve bounced around in switching interdisciplinary studies within the medical majors. I’ve gone from biomedical sciences to public health, from public health to emergency services (EMT/Paramedic) with intentions of doing nursing. The first few years of school, I didn’t do too well - went on academic probation, got removed from university, and I know of course was disheartening for my parents. From there, I’ve been working myself back to the top as I was prior to college. From there, I now sit at ~3.1 GPA - definitely a plus for me.

I’ve more or less bounced through all of these pre-med courses to find my “niche” so to speak, and I haven’t found it. I’ve switched to EMT/Paramedic program with hopes of graduating, and moving onto a nursing or perhaps a PA program from there. I’m in my first phase of three for paramedic, currently sitting at the top of my class, at least testing wise, and do not enjoy it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I just do not enjoy medicine as much as I thought I would, whether its standardized hospital setting, because I’ve had a multitude of clinicals, nor on an ambulance, as I thought maybe I’d like the environment, adrenaline, and everything associated with riding on a “box”. I simply do not enjoy it. What I thought was, it’s not.

I’ve brought up my wish to switch to computer science. It was always my “fall back” if all else failed, whether grade wise or the dislike. I’ve taught myself several programming languages, have plenty of friends who major in computer science or mathematics at other universities, and still have a lot of ties to it on the side as a hobby. It’ll take me another two years probably to get my BS in it, if I’m lucky. Right now, if I graduate from paramedic, I won’t even have a four year bachelors, or a four year BSN in nursing if I go that route quickly afterwards. It’ll only be a two year Emergency Services degree. I already have one two year degree in Medical Sciences, so it isn’t as if all of this time has been for not, so-to-speak.

My parent’s do not pay for any of my college courses, and haven’t for years now, and if they offer any help it’s been on little things as “gifts”, whether Christmas or my birthday; IE: uniform or a book. I still live with them, but plan on moving out on my own soon. I know that this is more my decision than anyone else’s, but when it boils down to anything I really enjoy having my parents support, even if its for something they don’t agree on.

My mom has encouraged me to talk to other people other than my instructor I have now, and the students I’m with now - which they’ve all agreed that if I dont enjoy it, dont see myself doing it, then why continue, especially since its still quite early in the program. I have talked to co-workers at my job, which is irrelevant to my studies since I work at a bar (no I dont choose to ‘party’ more than studying, I’ve made that mistake long ago and its a job that makes great money), and they also agree with my instructor and classmates.

She thinks I’m making a mistake, which it’s hard to explain to her when I simply dont enjoy it, I don’t want to continue to do it. She think’s its because it got “hard” and I want to quit - when in fact, this is quite easy. Drugs, calculations, and emergency medicine is all handled the same. It has nothing to do with it being difficult or hard, but in all honesty just my enjoyment and lack of seeing myself continuing anything in medicine, but she doesn’t understand this.

Any suggestions on how to explain this, or even tackle my situation?

Thanks for any advice in advance. I’m greatly appreciated.

2

If they’re not paying, well they don’t really have much of a say.
But, I’d point something out: Computer Science is a difficult major with a lot of course work. You would be looking to be on what would amount to a ten-year plan for completion of a degree, which is an awfully long time.

3

I wouldn’t move out yet. CS is demanding and you might have to cut back on work hours. Actually, it’s very likely that will happen.

Change your major now. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder. Ask your mom to do a leap of faith with you for the next semester. After all, you may quickly find out that it’s wrong for you…or very right.

Medicine is a calling. If your heart’s not there, it will show in various ways.

4

If you were close to finishing the program, I’d say just get the degree/certificate/whatever. But you’re looking at spending a lot of your time and money on something you don’t want to use, which is a waste.

Here’s the question – have you actually taken any CS classes? They, too, may be not what you thought. Can you take a lighter load of EMT classes next semester and take a CS class or two to see how it goes? I’m guessing if your parents see good grades and enthusiasm about your CS classes they will come around.

How much longer would a CS degree take? If your parents aren’t paying, how are you paying? If you’re taking out loans, you do NOT want another 4 years of loans that you may never be able to pay off.

5

@Pheebers - the EMT/Paramedic program is a program with a course load of 7/3/1 usually. Each semester we have a 7 credit hour lecture, 3 credit hour lab, 1 credit hour clinical. There are no specifics, like the nursing programs; IE: geriatric lifespan for 8 weeks, infancy lifespan for 8 weeks to total an entire semester. Its simply Paramedic Phase 1, Paramedic Phase 2, Paramedic Phase 3.

I still have two more semesters of this certificate, and coming to the end of the first semester. Not only will I have to dedicate another 150 hours outside of class towards hospital and box time, but it may mean taking time off from work. Phase 3 requires upwards of 185 hours. My job essentially pays for my school, and I currently do not have any loans. Therefore, I’m not in any debt in anyway, aside from my car. While I can take days off, or scale back my days, I’m used to the scheduling and completing work during the day is easy for me. Paramedic isn’t exactly a joke, there are tons of reading and research needed, and studying. I imagine CS is exactly the same, which shouldn’t be an issue - if I’m being honest, not defensive.

I’ve taken AP computer science in high school, got a 5 on the exam, easy. I’ve worked for client manipulation, scripting, and software development at home on the side - more as a hobby. Any type of computer class I’ve ever taken, I’ve aced with ease. I’m also Microsoft Office Specialist certified, and know a lot of web design and backend programming, with database integration. Again, this is all self-taught.

More or less, all of my “basic” classes are finished. It would be all CS specific classes required. I’ve always gone to school year-round, so I’d load up during the summer of course, as I normally do. I’ve gotten majority A’s, with a few B’s since 2010/2011 school year. I hope that gives more of an understanding.

Thank you for your responses thus far.

6

If your parents will let you, stay living at home and take as many cs classes as you can handle, don’t add the complexity of your own place on top of it. I’m assuming after 6 years you’re fairly into your 20’s and don’t need their approval. In fact, I don’t even see why they need to know about it because they’re not paying for school. Just start taking the classes you need to take to get your degree in CS.

7

I would take a slightly different tactic. CS is a big switch. It may be the right one but this big switch is making your parents worried. Does your university have a career counseling center? It is common for career counseling centers to have self-assessments or career exploration for students like you. Go with an open mind and take the career assessment, talk to the counselors in the career service/center. It may reaffirm your change in career choice. See what pops up.

8

student is certainly torn here, and I understand.
Clearly, the student is old enough to make decisions w/o parental consent, and is paying his/her own way through school. But student is also old enough to be a self-supporting adult, and parents don’t have to provide their home forever while student “finds his way”. I don’t know what career is best for student, but I do think it is time to decide to complete one, get into it, become self-supporting adult, and then after some time, if not happy, then look for something else.
Most parents want offspring to succeed, and college is one great step toward that. Most want to see child fly away on his own as a part of defining that success.

9

@ampzzlified , thanks for the explanation. It doesn’t sound to me as if switching to CS is a bad idea, if it’s what you really want! You’ve got few expenses while you’re living at home, you’ve got a job paying your tuition, and you’ve got the core requirements out of the way. A 5 on an AP is nothing to sneeze at, either.

Can you reassure your parents about the CS career in some way? They may just be at the point of “he’s been in school for 6 years, enough already” or they may have a fantasy that being in the healthcare field guarantees a great job. I agree completely with mom2collegekids – your heart has to be in it if you’re going into a medical field. I also will say that you usually hear about parents pressuring their kids to go INTO computers or engineering, and it’s not as if CS is generally a dead-end career…

10

@Pheebers I’m not sure how to reassure them, other than just doing it. Theyve expressed to me that they just want me to finish something. To them, it seems as though I just “quit” prior to finishing. Understandably so, but at the same time, how can I or why should I continue something that I simply don’t like. I thought medicine, as did they, was something I wanted to do - for the passion, not money or prestige. As I’m immersing myself more and more into it, I’m realizing that I just don’t like it and I don’t want to do it forever.

I know that CS isn’t a dead-end, but I’m not sure that’s the issue either. I think they’re more along the lines of “enough is enough” - as you mentioned. My dad made mention of starting my 401k already and just finish, but I invest in my own 401k in other ways.

My job pays for my tuition 10-fold, unfortunately. I think that is why they kind of feel I dont want to finish and go into something else, because of the possible pay difference until time in would offset… that again, is not the case.

Thanks for all of your inputs. I’m still eager on hearing more opinions on how to tackle this. Greatly appreciated!

11

On a different note, how about leaving school for awhile and joining the workforce? Throwing more money at school doesn’t seem to be making any difference in terms of you finding your niche, so why not put school on hold for a year or so and get out there and work and see if a certain career starts appealing to you? I know this is College Confidential, but school doesn’t have to be the right answer for all people at all times!

12

You need to take the training wheels off and take care of yourself.

You make enough money to live on your own, I’m guessing that you are about 24. You need to live on your own.

Seriously, you’re putting the cart before the horse. You are obviously very bright, your parents love and care about you, and you are smart enough to realize that bartending pays great money. Great money is key to living on your own. A close relative bartended (bartand?) at night after law school which allowed her to take crap lawyering jobs to get some experience which allowed her to get a real lawyer job at a time when none of her classmates were getting any. She’s now a partner.

You haven’t found your niche yet. You might never find it. But if you think Computer Science might be your calling, go for it. It might take a long time. This isn’t something that your parents need to be involved with. Keep mixing drinks though, perhaps take a light load and take longer to do well. You need to live on your own though.

13

I guess I’m in the minority. Sorry to sound harsh but most people don’t like their job… Also most people change careers a couple times in their life. Do the 2 semesters get the certificate. Move out of your parents house. Then go back and get the CS degree if you want.

14

You say you have done some software development at home. Was that for a company? If so, can you talk to people in that company to find out from them about their daily routine and what they think about their jobs? Maybe they can offer you “freelance” type work so you can get an idea whether this would be a good field for you.

I think you should get a good idea of what it is like to do CS as a full time job. CS and software development in a business environment is different than in a classroom environment, self-learning environment and also doing stuff on your own as a hobby. Very different. I have been in software development for over 30 years.

15

I’ve been thinking about it, and if your parents are still having this much of a say in your school career, I agree with others who say move out and be independent. If you were living at home, working, paying rent to them and they were pretty much hands-off with your school, I’d say that would be fine, but the weight of their opinion is too much for someone of your age and independence level, and I think it stems from the fact that you’re at home-a by default inferior dominance and responsibility position to a guy out on his own.

I actually think if you move out, the right choice will become clear to you without outside interference.

16

Let’s say you finish the Paramedic program. Can you still continue to take classes after in CS?
Would working at the bar or as a paramedic earn you more money?

17

since you already said that EMT/medicine wasn’t what you’d thought it would be, i’d highly suggest you find someone to shadow in the CS field before you make any serious decisions. what is easy at home and fun to putz around with is probably also “not what you’d thought it would be” when you are paid to do it, day in and day out.

I agree with the posters that suggest maybe you take some time off altogether to figure out what exactly you want to do. most jobs are “not what you’d thought it would be”…in fact, i’d pretty much say all of them. even fabulous careers have boring busywork, paperwork, supervision of people who aren’t the brightest and get on ones last nerve. part of life is something doing stuff you dont want to do–its all in how you handle the “not what you thought it would be” part…and sadly, its not something that is taught in college.

it might be a good idea to breathe and regroup.

18

What kind of computer science? Are we talking an IT or network program at your current two year school? If so, make the switch now and just finish ASAP.

I have a different opinion if you’re thinking about a four year program. You’ve already been in school a long time and, if I were your parent, might be concerned you were clinging to being a student for an long as possible in an effort not to launch. You need to set a definite timeline for getting out and it needs to be soon. Finishing EMT training would take one more year. Two for some kind of CS certificate? Not ideal but fine. 3-4 for a CS bachelor’s? Nope. Time to wrap up, move out and move on. As others have said, no job is ever what you think it will be.

19

I also was wondering what specifically you mean by a CS degree. IT or other two year program at community college? Full BS in computer science? The latter involves a lot of math and physics etc. I assume that AP Computer Science gives some flavor or what a BS curriculum might offer but I don’t know that much about the AP course.

Are you planning on applying to a four year university? Are you sure you have finished all your distirbution requirements? If you have, it may still take 4 years to graduate because CS courses are sequential, so that you begin with foundational courses and move up, and courses may not be offfered every semester either. Microsoft Office has little to do with CS, as you know.

I want to make a distinction between EMT and the more advanced paramedic course. Getting an EMT does not take two years. Do you have your EMT license yet? Have you had practical experience on an ambulance or in an ER yet? Paramedics have advanced skills. It is a professional field and doesn’t need to lead to PAor nursing.

What is it that you don’t like about it? I am not clear at all. I have huge respect for paramedics (and EMT’s) who have saved lives in my family more than once. In fact, last week I myself was assisted by paramedics and their skill and kindness can’t be overstated.

How did you get yourself into a paramedic program when you are not interested in it?

I can understand your parents feelings because you have jumped around without finishing anything. At the same time, as a person who never really found my own niche in terms of employment, I sympathize with you.

But it sounds to me like CS is another idea that you may end up disliking. The school part is a lot different from the work part.

Are you sure you won’t like being a paramedic? Maybe you should get your EMT and work part-time on an ambulance for a bit, while also bartending. Is fear a part of your aversion to doing this kind of work?

20

First off, thank you for all of your valuable responses. I’d like to respond to each of you, and will now, then give more of my opinion and thoughts.

@bopper - Yes, I could technically still take classes in CS afterwards, however, being a paramedic would not yield more money in comparison. The requirements for being a paramedic in the county I live in requires fire school also - which I have no interest in attending, and would still be another half of a year after paramedic if I chose to work for the county or city. The local hospital does not distinguish any differences between EMTs/Paramedics in the hospital setting, and the tier is setup to be Tech -> Nurse -> Doctor. Techs include EMTs and Paramedics alike.

@ChowdyCat - It was for a company, was a few years ago. I decided to cut ties with it so that I could focus more on my medical schooling and what not, and my grades have gone up dramatically because I would always find myself choosing to do computer work rather than doing homework for medicine school. I know, that should’ve been my first hint, eh?

@ordinarylives - Bachelors in CS would take about 2 years. The way its compared now is like this. If I take another 10 months to finish paramedic, graduate, I’ll have a “AS Emergency Services” or something along those lines. To work in the county or city, you need to go to fire school. I have no interest in fire, at all. Paramedic has always been a stepping stone into something else, IE: a bridge program for nursing, PA programs, perhaps even medical schools as a non-traditional applicant. In that regard, another ~year for paramedic, half a year for fire (if I to go work for the county or city), a year for a bridge program for a RN in nursing, 2 years for a RN to BSN in nursing, or even just 2 years for a resident PA program. Those are all longer than a bachelors in computer science for me according to my transcripts.
As for what direction I would go, I really enjoy computer programming as a whole, but I understand that the future is being built not only on just software development but also cyber security. There are plenty of short term cyber security certificates or even minors/master programs at places. I hope this helps a little.

@compmom - By CS degree I meant a full Bachelors in Science with Computer Science. IT is interesting in itself, but I get more satisfaction by the multitude of problems and solving issues within the programming cores rather than network infrastructure. While cyber security is the future, it may be something to dabble in as a minor or a bonus certificate in the future, but at the moment no directly plans for a focus on that - as I understand that there are majors that even offer that.
I know that Office has nothing to do with computer science, per say, but it was merely an accomplishment that I got at the age of 14 - when I had taught myself my first programming language. More to explain that I have a deeper understanding and tie to computer science rather than “I think its what I want to do!” Sorry for any confusion.
I already have my EMT certificate and license, yes. You must be a practicing EMT in the state in order to apply to any paramedic program and practice anything more. So in that regards, yes, I have that. I completed that last January and got promptly accepted/fast tracked into the schools paramedic program. I’ve ridden several times both with basic life support companies and now plenty of rides with advanced life support companies (county and city), and have a lot of logged hours within the hospital setting assisting. I could probably place EKG pads and start a 16 gauge IV on you blind folded.
It isn’t that I have no respect for paramedics or EMTs, because understanding the necessities to keep a patient a live during a trauma event is something that you’ll never take lightly when you’re put through the training. I’m appreciative of all of my training, experience, and hours of study. In the end, I just do not feel that it is my calling, or what I want to do for the next 20 years. When people go through the program, they “know” that they want to do this. My instructors say they love it, have loved it, enjoy every day, and more. When I’ve reflected how I felt going through this program from start to now, they’ve all basically concluded with me that it didn’t sound like I was interested or wanted to continue, and there’s nothing worse than a paramedic with that in the back of their mind. It isn’t without saying that I would let these feelings prevent my best care possible to a patient in need.
I joined the paramedic program, or EMT, because I had tried the conventional avenues in school. Biomedical sciences major, public health major, and other miscellaneous sublets, but was never interested. When I did EMT, I thought perhaps the never ending different “problems” that would need solving or attention would keep my interests. It isn’t that I get bored fast, but I need to be engaged continuously. EMT was a setup for paramedic and I enjoy EMT because, well, perhaps it was just the beginning and you get bombarded with all this information. I thought paramedic would be a continuation of that. It isn’t. It isn’t anything I’ve anticipated, and my field experiences have backed that up and have completely pushed me away from wanting to do anything with as a career.
Could I work as an EMT while bartending for a while? Yes. But, EMT here is basic life supports, or AKA - glorified taxi drivers. There is no critical care issues that happen, there isn’t anything that goes on more than you take the “lesser” workload off of the ALS units. My EMT ride times were not enjoyable. Working in the hospital as a tech would be fun, but I could work as a tech with EMT or paramedic, and it wouldn’t matter. There is no distinguishable difference between the two levels, because you answer to the same people and can only do a certain set limit of skills. IE: no intubations or drug calculations/giving - even though that is all you are trained on doing in paramedic. However, I should mention, that I’ve grown to dislike the hospital work environment.
Am I afraid of anything, or scared? No - I’ve been there for saving someones life through a cardiac issue; I’ve witnessed gun shots; I’ve addressed medical concerns with patients, helped diabetic emergencies; I’ve assisted in severe trauma alerts, from critical to stable patients, and have had patients die under my hands while performing CPR. Call me cold, but it hasn’t affected me one way or another - good or bad - from one patient to another.

I hope this outlines anyone’s concerns or confusion. Again, I’m greatly appreciative of everyone’s responses.