My husband and I don’t plan to weaponize anything. We just want him and our kids to be more responsible. Believe me, we were born very poor from a third world country. As much as we don’t want them to experience what we experienced growing up, we also want them to value money, time, education and their jobs down the road by being more aware of things in general. In a way we as parents are also learning with our kids as we navigate the American life and the US educational system. Everything is just different from our generation and where we grew up.
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When my daughter lived off-campus last semester and didn’t have access to a meal plan she used our credit card to buy groceries. We agreed to a weekly budget. Sometimes she went over, but only a few dollars. If she wanted to eat out or get takeout, she had to use her own money. The credit card was for groceries, her t pass and doctor or pharmacy co-pays. Everything else was on her and came from her summer job money.
This worked well for us. As a plus, because I had her added as an authorized user to my credit card, she’s starting to build a credit history now.
If I were in your situation, I would pay off the overdraft fees to bring his account to zero, fund his dining dollars or give him access to a credit card for groceries and let him be broke until he brings in more “fun money.”
None of this is easy - I feel for you!
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My ds is still in HS, but has a debit card where we put his monthly allowance. It has been eye-opening to him when he fills his car with gas since it is considerably more expensive than just a few months ago. Life lesson - cut your spending elsewhere! We had him add up how much he is spending on soda, etc., and he soon realized he is wasting most of his money on crap he doesn’t need. Cut off all over-draft protection and let them learn to be broke.
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Understood. Don’t know what options your college offers, but my daughter’s college offers meal swipes for the full semester (where you can get 3 meals 7 days a week = food security) with a small budget of dining dollars.
Obviously, housing was paid as well, and I threw in the mobile phone plan (with more than sufficient, but NOT unlimited data, that will go into slow-mode if not used responsibly) and a replenishing Metro Card for free public transportation above/below ground, and a small semi-monthly allowance into her account for the occasional “fun” thing.
Checking account / debit card has no overdraft. So when balance is 0, then “dining hall” it is!
There was always the offer that certain grades on a transcript (if supplied to us) resulted in generous, financial reward.
The time to get this under control is now - because as upper-classman they need to figure out how to rent apartments, sign up and pay for gas, electric, cable, WiFi, deal with the building manager/land lord/lady in case of problems,… Slightly-tough love now will result in success down the road.
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I agree with having a sit down with your student about budgeting, responsibility, and the ramifications of having bad credit.
I also agree with giving your student a fixed amount every month and that’s it. If they run out of money, then they need to be eating ramen noodles or mac n’ cheese for a week.
We had our D sit down with us from when she was very young to see how we did our household budget, pay the bills, etc… Lots of conversations too about saving, investing, etc…
Taking a person finance course over the summer would be a great idea.
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I had my kids do the Dave Ramsey online course for High School students. There was a financial incentive to finish the course in a particular time frame. My dd completed it and is great with money. DS did not finish it and is struggling to manage his money. Even if you don’t like Dave Ramsey, his material has a great chart showing how investing at an early age is HUGELY beneficial.
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This is not a bad thing, nor should be considered a punishment. It should be a last resort if the student doesn’t change his habits after the “sit-down”. Your personal situation sounds almost “hostage like”. Kids without your specific background can change their attitude if they know that there are others who really need the food. They can eventually volunteer.
The larger campuses have these food bank options and its completely confidential. There are two universities, in our area, that have these food banks. Most items are the ramen soups, mac and cheeses, peanut butter, fruits and veggies (donated by local farmers). It’s not something meant to embarrass or humiliate the student.
The students can sign in with any name “student at instate uni”. They don’t require ID’s, nor proof of income. The food is there in a college environment.
He’ll learn that there are others whose finances are really a stretch. Parents need to sit him down and give him the facts.
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Get him on the college food plan…in my opinion. Most schools even have something for commuters or students who live in apartments. At least then you will know he has the option to get meals of some sort.
Then, work out some way to give him a limited amount of allowance for whatever. Do this monthly. I’m sorry, but if he runs out, oh well.
He has an income of sorts…that should be used for his discretionary spending and that includes eating off campus where he meal plan can’t be used.
Our deal with our kids…we funded full room and board (and tuition). Discretionary spending was up to them to earn. We didn’t know how much they earned, and we didn’t know how much they spent.
Cutting the ability to overdraft was a good move!
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That he realizes it’s an issue is great, even if the situation in general is not.
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I don’t know anything about your finances. We had pretty low income as a family but didn’t want our kids to work during college. Of the three, two actually did anyway. (The third had health issues and couldn’t do school and work.)
Nevertheless, my kids are all financially responsible. I didn’t train them to be, but as parents we were thrifty role models I guess.
Now, in their late 20’s and early 30’s, I still try to help them out even if I live in a small apartment myself. Much of the time they refuse money. Parental generosity can engender responsibility , too, over time.
It seems like your son is devoting time to earning money, which is something to value.
I would bail him out. I would not want my kid to learn financial responsibility by experiencing being broke (poor) or hungry. That’s actually scary and college is stressful enough.
Food banks should be for kids of families who are poor. If that is true for you, and you cannot afford to support his food needs, then a food bank is appropriate.
Give him time to grow up. Work together with him and stay away from anything too punitive. Your relationship is the most important thing in the long run.
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This year the food on campus seems to be extraordinarily terrible across the board at almost all schools that have been reported. I am shocked at how expensive meal plans are for the limited amount, variety and quality. If his major issue is really spending money on food I would bail him out (if you can afford it) and teach him financial responsibility in person when he isnt having a hard time finding decent food.
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Buy him books with easy, inexpensive recipes and practice choosing products in the store then cookingsome with him?
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Simple solution. There’s a way to set a debit card to decline transactions with a zero balance. Most banks can do that.
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