How to Recover from Repeating 8th Grade

Parents Forum
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(TL;DR) I’ve a smart but academically disinterested son who may have to repeat 8th grade and I am at wits end. Help.

I need help and assurance on how to guide my high-potential but low-achieving son through a potential repeat of 8th grade. For background, my son had undergone various IQ testing in 1st grade that returned score in the 143-146 range. He taught himself how to solve a Rubik cube in 1st grade and now speed cubes, averaging in the under 2-minute rage. He has been reading since pre-school, has natural musical talents, and was an honors student in his grade school gifted program. He taught himself how to play chess and plays very well. He does suffer from anxiety.

Although he did well academically in his first year of middle school (5th grade), I found the new school too “distracting” in that there were a lot of fights in the school, and it seemed culturally incongruent to what I wanted my son exposed. In 6th grade I moved him to a parochial school, mid-way through which COVID-19 hit. He did not love the catholic school experience and his academic started to flounder. COVID shifted the kids to remote learning for at least half of 6th grade. For 7th grade my son was accepted to another school that seemed like a better fit all around but, due to COVID-19, all of 7th grade of the new school was remote also. He did “well” for remote learning and was placed in Algebra I for 8th grade.

Eight grade had him back in the classroom in his new school. He adjusted beautifully, socially. He is VERY popular. In his “light” classes (Spanish, Music, Gym,…) he did well. His main classes of Algebra I, Science, and English were disastrous. His father and I have had many meetings with the school regarding our son’s consistently poor performance. The school is aware of his potential - so they were as baffled as we on why he was falling so short of meeting it.

My son seems unaffected by it all. He does not hand in assignments. He sleeps through class.

He failed 8th grade Math and English and is currently in summer school - which must be successfully completed in order start 9th grade.

He is not doing the summer schoolwork.

I am at wits end. I have nothing but tears and stress over this. I do not know how to get my son to understand the importance of applying himself in school.

His one main “distraction” is music production. He has dreams of a career in music - which I believe is obtainable. In 7th grade, he produced an album that is currently on all the major music streaming services (Apple, Spotify, YouTube, Tidal, Napster). He has expressed interest in attending Carnegie-Mellon (where I was accepted but chose another school) to major in music and technology.

He is a charming, likable kid. Not a troublemaker. Would be a model student if not for the poor grades in math, English, and science.

What should I do?
What options do any of you see for my son?
How can I help him?

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I would start by getting a neuropsych evaluation done. Your son may have some kind of LD or ADHD that he has been working around successfully - until he could no longer do so. The pattern is not unusual for 2E kids. Based on what you learn from that, you can formulate a well-informed plan.

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Is homeschooling an option? Or a homeschooling hybrid where he takes some classes that he is interested in like music, etc?

How well does he understand Math? Seems like a Rubik’s cube wunderkind might be pretty good at that stuff. Is he failing just because of a lack of participation (homework, etc) or does he really not understand it?

It does sound a little like ADHD maybe the inattentive type where he just can’t make himself do stuff that he’s not interested in.

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Yes, we have had one evaluation performed my the school psychologist - but that indicated nothing unusual (no LD nor ADHD).

One thing that I failed to mention is that he is also a cardiac patient and apparently it is not unusual for cardiac patients to have psychological issues. It is so common that the pediatric cardiac center at my son’s hospital has a department dedicated to psychological care of their cardiac patients. Unfortunately, the wait list is over a year out for the next free appointment.

But we are on the wait list. It doesn’t help us now, though.

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Unfortunately, home-schooling is not an options. I wish it were.

I’ve worked with both of my kids as much as possible on their Math assignments and both have told me that they understand the work better when I present it to them - and I have seen this reflected on their tests. Unfortunately, there just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to review everything, every day.

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You should consider having a neuropsychological evaluation privately done. I am guessing the school evaluation was not as comprehensive as it would be if done privately. When my son was in eighth grade his evaluation was a full day with a break for lunch.

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You need some perspective. There are parents on this board (and of course in real life) who would give ANYTHING to have a kid who has already found something he’s passionate about in 8th grade, who has friends, is not a “troublemaker”, is doing well in music, Spanish and gym.

I say this with love- his IQ is irrelevant. The world is filled with brilliant people who stock shelves at the library (my local library has several of them), work at the post office selling stamps, and driving a bus.

Your kid has changed schools A LOT-- and it is a tribute to his resilience and grit that he hasn’t fallen apart. Three schools in three years? Just as puberty starts to kick in? Yikes.

If it were my kid, I would follow up (both a physical and potentially a neurosych eval if my pediatrician recommended it). And then- ASK YOUR SON what he thinks. If he’s doing well in Spanish, then he knows what it’s like to do well in a class. Why did he not do well in algebra? What does he want to do moving forward- repeat 8th grade or move up with his friends… and if he wants to move up, what will he need from you in order to facilitate him doing his summer schoolwork? If he wants to repeat 8th grade, what support does he want in his life to make sure it’s not a repeat of last year?

I would be booking a trip to Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend (or an early fall weekend once classes are back in session at CMU). Do the tour if they’ll let you. Sit in on a presentation for the music and tech program if they’ll let you.

If this is too expensive or unfeasible… go through the course catalog with your son. Have HIM come to the realization that nobody gets in to CMU without first passing algebra and English. Have HIM realize that any of the cool things he wants to do in life will require the building blocks of a core education- proficiency in reading, computation, science, etc. Let him see that a class he finds really, really interesting requires calculus as a pre-req (or chemistry or whatever) and that the road from 8th grade to CMU/a career music production requires getting HS diploma.

Does he have chores at home and does he do them without being nagged? Does he volunteer anywhere, does he have responsibility in the community- helping a church youth group, dogwalking, raking leaves for an elderly neighbor?

These are things that build self-esteem in a kid which have nothing to do with Rubik’s cubes… this is real life. Being responsible (handing in homework is responsible but so is checking on a grandparent when the weather gets hot), having people rely on you…

I know this is tough but you’ve got to let his “high potential” go for now, and get him grounded in the here/everyday.

I know so many geniuses who crashed and burned, never reached their potential, ended up in dead end jobs when they were on the go-go-go life track. Sometimes it was substance abuse… and it doesn’t sound like you suspect that. But often it was failing to learn that their lives are MORE than their brilliance. No employer asks your IQ. But starting about now in your son’s life, showing up on time, being responsible, caring about the quality of your work (even if it’s menial and involves sweeping)-- these are the things that start to matter.

Hugs. You can do this.

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Consult with your pediatrician.

Get a 2nd opinion on the LD evaluation. Pay for your own evaluation through your medical insurance if need be.

Talk to the cardiologist about what’s been going on.

In the meantime, if he needs to repeat 8th grade, he needs to repeat 8th grade.

Other things to consider trying:

  • Sign the kid up for extra tutoring after school.
  • Schedule regular meetings with his math, english, and science teachers.
  • Check his notebooks, backpack, etc., regularly.
  • Put a white board up somewhere in the kitchen or common area of your home. Every day when he comes home from school, have him write down the evening’s HW assignments.
  • also on the white board, include a separate section labelled something like “Tests/quizzes/projects.” Put upcoming test/quiz/project due dates.
  • When he completes each HW assignment each evening, he crosses it off the list on the white board.
  • Figure out an organizational method that will work for him so he’ll remember to do simple things like turn HW in on time. For example, maybe ONE folder for HW to turn back in to school the next day and have him put the HW in order of his class periods (i.e., English is in 1st period, so that goes 1st, followed by the math HW behind it). My kids do this and this helped my 11th grader when she forgot 50% of the time to turn in her english HW in 8th grade.
  • If he doesn’t have some sort of school planner, then get one and make him use it. Our middle school & high school has a school-issued one that the students are required to use. Each box represents a class period and in that box for that class each day, you write down the day’s assignment, when it’s due, and upcoming stuff & when that upcoming stuff is due.
  • if the school has an online portal where you can check if he turned in assignments, use that, too.
  • Review his HW each evening and check for completeness.
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Strictly speaking, wouldn’t passing English be the only thing he needs to move to 9th grade? Algebra 1 in 8th grade is a year ahead of regular, so being put in algebra 1 in 9th grade is still on the regular college prep track. Of course, if he has the same trouble taking algebra 1 the second time, that would be more of a problem, but that applies whether he is in 9th grade or repeating 8th grade while taking algebra 1 the second time. The only seeming advantage of repeating 8th grade is that doing poorly then will not be part of the high school record for college admission, like it would be during 9th grade.

Is English as big of a problem as math seems to be described as in this thread?

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Definitely, a second assessment will be done.

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You need a comprehensive evaluation done…and I agree a neuropsych is where I would suggest.

Your son is encountering some significant organizational issues…his high IQ won’t compensate for those issues.

You need to get to the WHY of what is causing him difficulties. Then work on what needs to be done.

Perhaps an executive function coach might be helpful.

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Colleges won’t pay any attention to a repeated 8th grade year; in fact, they probably wouldn’t even know about it. Repeating 8th grade might not be such a bad thing. It sounds as if your son needs to grow up a bit, so having that extra year before he starts high school could be a good idea.

If you have the means to do so, I would get him a tutor (could be a well-organized, high-achieving, kind college student or even a high school student) to work with him one on one as many days after school as possible to teach him organization and help him to tackle his schoolwork on a daily basis. The idea is that this person would both set an example for him, and help keep him on target with schoolwork. Another possibility is repeating 8th grade at a good private school in your area, with high standards but that also offers a lot of academic support. He would still need the tutor or study hall to help him to establish the habit of doing his school work. I agree that private evaluation for ADHD is indicated - your son sounds like he fits the diagnosis.

If he’s sleeping in class, it means he’s probably up all night on tech. Talk with him about this, get him to agree to a no tech after say 10 pm policy, and help him to comply with that. If you can get him involved with any kind of athletics activity, that would help him to be able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour.

If you don’t have the financial means to pay even a high schooler to tutor and support him, see if the school would run an after-school supportive study hall that he could attend.

Keep a wary eye out for drug use or alcohol abuse. This is the age when it begins; in fact, it’s really about 7th grade.

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I’m probably a naysayer here, but why assume there is a medical problem (cardiac issue notwithstanding)? Maybe your son is just going to have to mature a little at his own rate. Honestly, I don’t think there is anything “wrong” with this student.

Very normal.

Could be a big factor in the “problem.” Maybe he likes the attention. Maybe that’s what he values right now. That’s not a bad thing, it could just be who he is.

Really, it’s not about what you find about the school that matters here. Is he trying to fit in? Sure seems that could be the case. He has to get through it. He is 13. Again, this isn’t strange.

I’m surprised the school is baffled by what seems, honestly, like very normal behavior. I’m betting at least 50% of the people here have a kid who hasn’t met their potential, myself included. (FWIW, my 21 year old gets closer to meeting his potential all the time.)

Not everyone’s kid is going to reach their full potential when they leave school, even if we wish that wasn’t true. They have to grow up as they people they are going to be. And just because he isn’t doing well in school at the moment doesn’t mean he will be the same in the next year or two. Anecdotal, but just this morning I wrapped up with a student who wrote their essay about how they ignored science in middle school because they felt they were “bad” at it. The student is applying to major in chem now.

He has plenty of time to reach his potential. I get that you would like to see him do better, but this is also the time in their lives when they become who they are. I remember seeing a very impassioned post here on CC about 3 years ago. It was from a mom who had essentially been a helicopter parent for her child’s whole school career. (I’m not saying you are, by the way.) The kid failed out of college, etc… and this mom blamed herself. She was soooo upset, but the thing that stood out in her post was this one line: LET THEM FAIL.

Okay, so maybe don’t let them always fail, but her point was well understood. Yes, we should guide them, but we should also let them do things wrong. Not all kids are going to do four years of high school and go straight into a Top 20 university.

Frankly, him repeating 8th grade might be a great idea. Maybe he needs more time, or maybe he needs a wake up call. But again, I don’t view this as “there is something wrong with this child.” Support him and be patient. Let him become who he is.

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Just had it done for my 19 year old, all day long, ruled out ADD but big execution function issues (plus anxiety and depression which were the cause of his withdrawal from college in the fall). It was not cheap (even as private assessment without insurance took two months to schedule), but I can forward all of the information to his local university where he will be going in September.

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I agree with so many of the comments here. The issue is not whether he should get a neuropsych evaluation or repeat 8th grade. The answer sounds like BOTH. See if there are any underlying issues that are causing him to avoid schoolwork or have executive function issues. Perhaps it’s a learning disability. Perhaps its a tech addiction. Perhaps it’s something else. Whatever the reason, though, this is his last chance to learn and improve on these skills before high school starts. Perhaps he thinks that he’s always going to slide by and that by repeating 8th grade he will learn that there are consequences to his (lack of) actions. Or maybe there is something biological going on and he needs to learn processes for how to better manage school, particularly as it becomes more rigorous. Either way, I think that an eval and a repetition of 8th grade are some pretty good ideas to think about.

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Where I went to school (K-12) there were quite a few (usually) boys that repeated grades. About half of them repeated a grade for poor grades and the other half for too many unexcused absences. Funny thing is, this only happened once in the student’s career. The loss of status (or popularity) with their peers was too expensive in the currency that mattered most to them. Most of the time the grade repeat was not due to lack of intelligence or a glaring LD (actually one student in my 11th grade class that was repeating it ended up getting into med school and is now a neurologist, he had some personal and family issues which does not seem to be the case for the OP’s son ).

OP, I’m surprised that there is talk of repeating a grade. This practically never happens in our school district.

My personal experience with my son is that if he doesn’t like the teacher, he is not engaged, feels bored and does the minimum required of him. He’s been like this since elementary school where it was much more of a problem if he got “stuck” with a teacher he didn’t like for a whole day and a whole year. I don’t really have any solutions for this, but do you think that may contribute to your son’s uneven performance?

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Blossom, I love your reply. Thank you.

Regarding the IQ, I just mentioned that to quantify his abilities via standardized tests. And also to add to the illustration of the chasm between his academic potential and reality. I am too well aware that high IQ =/= automatic success. I am one of those with a high IQ but living a reality that gives no indication of such.

I do wonder over how much the frequent school changes coupled with COVID-cautious remote learning has played in to all this. He has a twin sister who has gone through almost identical changes and is also struggling a bit but she has academic tenaciousness. His anxiety was at an all-time high during this time. He needed to be hospitalized a few times during this period. He hasn’t had any attacks during most of the school year - but it does seems as if the “panic” has been replaced by “detachment.”

He is in the queue for a psych evaluation. There are MANY kids in our area in psych need so we’ve been told that it could take MONTHS before he is seen.

I have asked him many times what is going on? How can I help? He normally responds in silence or with a weak, “I don’t know.” He does say that he “doesn’t remember” what is presented in class but I find this odd as he QUICKLY learns and REMEMBERS complex algorithms for solving various Rubik cubes (2x2, 3x3, 4x4, Skewb, and others).

This is where I am lost as I don’t know what to do:
“If he wants to repeat 8th grade, what support does he want in his life to make sure it’s not a repeat of last year?”

This is brilliant and I will plan the trip:
“I would be booking a trip to Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend (or an early fall weekend once classes are back in session at…Sit in on a presentation for the music and tech program if they’ll let you.”

Does he have chores at home and does he do them without being nagged?
He will do whatever is asked without grief or hesitation - but no “set” chores.

Does he volunteer anywhere, does he have responsibility in the community- helping a church youth group, dogwalking, raking leaves for an elderly neighbor?
No, we live a quasi-isolated life.

I need to find ways to build his sense of self.

The “grounding” I think is critical.

I am very present in my son’s life but your words have me thinking that I should alter some of the ways in which I am present.

Thank you!

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I posted above about my 19 year old. He also has a twin sister (plus 3 older siblings), I think the fact that they went through Covid together but she was academically unaffected (straight A’s in HS and freshman year in college) didn’t help, might’ve caused him to be more discouraged/apathetic.

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We have had numerous consultations with the pediatricians, cardiologists and a school phycologist. He is on the wait list for future appointments.

We will find out next week if he has to repeat 8th grade. He is feverishly working on completing the assignments but I received an email from his school stating that he is not on track for success.

During most of the previous school year I had semi-monthly meetings with teachers, counsellors, and administrators - it all had zero effect.

All of the suggestions for academic accountability you bulleted here are great and some are things that I have tried - especially the scheduler. No effect.

One think I find very frustrating in his current school is that most schoolwork is done electronically. Their system makes it very difficult to stay on top of what is assigned, current, completed and handed in.

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I agree.
I have many friends in education. My closest is a Dean at Lehigh University who has commented on how many Freshmen are not emotionally and psychologically prepared for college. COVID took a toll on our kids in unexpected ways.

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