I’m a current sophomore and I’m pretty shy compared to most of my classmates. I never speak up in class unless called on and never contribute to class discussions. I’m deathly afraid of presenting in front of people, even if it means just going in front of the class for less than a minute. I’m scared of approaching people I normally would not approach.
I have two issues that started at the beginning of seventh grade: blushing and stuttering. For some reason, I would start to do them on a regular basis even when I was confident and could present in front of a class easily in sixth grade. It’s weird that I was a better presenter in sixth grade than I am now, as a sophomore in high school. I stutter occasionally, so it is a minor problem that I would like to fix, but I don’t know how to. Same with blushing - I blush whenever I laugh or get called on during class or am in an awkward situation (which doesn’t help at all).
This has greatly restrained me from accomplishing great things in high school. I can’t speak up during class and I’m typically too afraid to ask questions. I don’t like talking to new people and I can’t really carry a conversation for a long time.
I don’t mean to sound conceited, but I have a few really great ideas that will help my community. I just can’t bring myself to pitch my ideas to certain people in my community because I’m afraid that I’ll blush, and that might seem unprofessional, or that I’ll stutter and seem unprepared, or that I’ll be so shy that people get turned off by my inability to seem confident.
I really really hope that I can become more bold and confident this year and become a great presenter and conversationist with everyone I meet and know, no matter what. I don’t know where to start though, and I don’t know what to do in order to achieve that goal.
You are not alone! Many, many kids your age (and adults as well) are shy. And most people are afraid to present in front of a large group of people. It can be scary!
My daughter has always been very shy, and just recently began opening up and feeling more comfortable approaching people. She is in 10th grade, too. But she is still bashful to do things like place orders in restaurants or ask for help from a clerk in a store. It’s getting better, though - I think some of it goes away with age and experience. Sometimes you just have to jump in and do something in order to learn that it’s really not that big a deal after all.
As for making new friends and talking with people, it’s a skill you learn over time, and to some extent you just have to force yourself to take initiative. Often, the other person is just as shy and will be relieved that someone came over to talk to them.
Don’t worry about the blushing. Odds are, no one else even notices, though it seems like a big deal to you. If stuttering is an issue (and is something new, not a speech impediment that would need a speech therapist), just take a deep breath and give yourself a few extra seconds to gather your thoughts. It might seem like an eternity to you, but again, it’s likely no one else will even notice. It’s just nerves. And if you stumble over your words, just smile and start over again. It happens to all of us!
If you can’t go, have your parent go with you to your GC and refer to your onsite speech therapist. Every high school should have one that comes to your site. Even if you don’t constantly stutter, the SLP can help.
Then, you need to put yourself in a position of helping others, like doing intake at a volunteer site. There are lots of places that would love to have community helpers. PM me.
Hey there! I am a current H.S Senior and I face the same problem as you! Except, I am a natural stutterer (aka I have a speech disorder). My disorder has made me to be more reserved and solo-minded, but I’m not technically “shy”. I just don’t wanna make a fool out of myself when I speak and my stutter shows, but I do like to consult with people. It’s normal for you to be shy! Eventually, in everybody’s life, you’re gonna learn to get out of that bubble and find people that match your personality and you all grow in relationship and the next thing you know: you’re gonna be the loudest ones in class! Now, I don’t participate in class unless they call on me, but I bet 75% of any class don’t even want to anyways. I also have a presentation this Tuesday! Am I going to be nervous? Sure. Am I gonna stutter? Yes. Am I gonna shy away from my crowd? NO. I’m here to present what I have and move on.
My advice: Find people that are gentle, supportive, and have the same trait as you. You’ll find it much easier to talk and laugh once you adapt.
Good luck and HAVE FUN IN HIGH SCHOOL WHILE YOU CAN!!
Can you set a goal for yourself to try to contribute in class a certain number of times a week? Then try to do it even if you are uncomfortable with your reaction. You may find you get more comfortable as time goes on if you do more if it. I agree with also looking into a speech therapist.
@Dancingmom518 Thank you for your advice! :)) It means a lot to me!
@auntbea Thank you! Unfortunately, there is no speech therapist at my school. There are only social workers but I’m sure that my occasional stuttering can’t be solved by that.
@orionary Thanks! You’re pretty similar to me too; I typically refrain from talking in front of class when given the opportunity to but absolutely love small group discussions (3-6 people) and talking to others one-and-one, but I freeze up in front of a large number of people. It’s odd because, in small group discussions, I’m sociable and contribute a great deal to discussions. When doing group projects, I am typically the person who leads the project. However, I kind of retreat back into my shell when in front of a lot of people. Good luck on your presentation and I hope you do well! I’ll try to have fun haha.
@intparent Hmm, that’s a good idea. I’ll try. I don’t think I can get a speech therapist because they are not offered at my school and I probably would not be able to afford one too. My parents spend enough money and me and I wouldn’t want to burden them with this too.
If it helps you get over this, which might be a career boost in the long run, it would be worth it to try the therapist. Even a couple of sessions might give you some tips you could use that would help.
I will say that I do much better in front of a large group when I am confident in my topic I figured this out when I was asked to speak to a college class about a work topic that I was quite passionate about. I’d HATED public speaking before that, but found it was pretty easy when I had something to say that I thought was important. I’ve hung onto that lesson, and now am pretty much okay with talking in front of a group as long as I have time to prepare. Also, I do know people who have joined Toastmasters to work on their ability to speak in front of a group. You will find a sympathetic and supportive group in most Toastmaster settings if you want to give it a try.
That just isn’t really true. I have a friend in his late 50s who never really mastered his shyness. He was laid off from the company he worked for his whole career a couple of years ago, and has been unable to find work in his field. Mostly because he just cannot interview effectively. He’s joined a friend’s carpentry business and changed careers, but I think he’d rather be an engineer. I’d suggest that the OP SHOULD work on it. They may never be the sparkling life of the party or present every day for a living. But working to gain some skills in this area is important. Some people need to learn to do things more by studying and practicing that other people take for granted. And that is okay – but just pretending the problem doesn’t exist isn’t likely to be very effective.
@intparent Okay, thanks for the advice! Do you know if Toastmasters is open to high schoolers too? There are a few around me and they seem like they’re for adults, but I’m not completely sure.
I’ve been interviewed twice now for internships and got one of them, and I think I did a decent job because I actually cared about the internship, so the answers came out naturally even though they were a little choppy. I’d actually rather not be the life of the party because I’m a social introvert, but I know this is something that I have to work on. Thanks for your help.
Some Toastmasters clubs run a program they call Youth Leadership which is designed to help teens with public speaking. You’d have to check with your local club, though. Good job on the interview!
The debate club helped my son immensely with public speaking.
Also, don’t worry too much about blushing and stuff like this, to older people a little shyness in someone your age often seems cute and endearing, especially if you say smart things.
High school can be a great time and it can also be full of anxiety. What you’re describing is very normal. Very easy to be self conscious of things. You probably worry about what others think about you, etc. You’ll find this hard to believe, but most kids are actually thinking about themselves and share your same fears. It’s just part of the maturing process. Someone had a great idea surrounding comfort zone. I know this is very hard but try to take little steps every day. Contribute more in one class, express your ideas in another. What you’ll learn is the world didn’t end and you didn’t die and most kids really were more focused on themselves to even notice. Over a period of time, your comfort zone will have expanded and speaking up will be your new normal. I know it’s hard but the hardest part is just getting started. It becomes easier.
I have a kid who was, absent of stuttering, extremely introverted his first two years of high school. Painful for him to join groups outside his narrow friend group. Junior year he started (almost forced himself) to spread his wings and actually became president of the senior class. Had to meet with the principal almost weekly (very scary to him but became quite normal) to discuss plans and ultimately had to speak at graduation. Gained a lot of confidence along the way.
