<p>I was deferred from Williams today, and I don't know how to tell my parents. They both were really expecting me to get in (despite my insistance that a deferral was coming).. and I know that they'll be disappointed in me when they find out. </p>
<p>So parents, if you expected your child to get into College X, and he/she didn't.. what would be the least harmful way for him/her to break the news. Is there anything that I can do to make my parents less disappointed about my getting a deferral?</p>
<p>You shouldn't have to consider a "least harmful" way. You are the one who has been deferred and it's your life, not theirs.</p>
<p>You should expect sympathy, some slack, and after a decent but brief (48 hours) interval a strong nudge towards working on your other apps as quickly and as well as possible.</p>
<p>Something to bear in mind: your parents may be fairly ignorant about how the college applications game has changed since they applied to college. If they start to squawk, send them over here to the Parents Forum on CC and maybe their expectations can be re-set.</p>
<p>(Side note: I <em>thought</em> I was fairly well informed about college admissions until I discovered this site three years ago. Between this site and a lot of reading and a lot of discussions with people in various parts of the admissions process, I learned a lot. Still learning, for that matter.)</p>
<p>Your parents are probably concerned that you will be disappointed. The best thing you can do is reassure them that you have other good options, and that you are working on your other applications. I think if you show them that you are enthusiastic about other schools, they will be fine. You will be fine too.
My son was in a similar position last year and actually used his deferral (from his EA ) to focus on his other applications. The good news is that his other applications were much better than the EA application, and he was accepted to a bunch of good schools. He was actually happy to have choices in the spring. </p>
<p>If that doesn't work, tell your parents that you could never be happy at a school that has a purple cow for a mascot anyway. I wanted my son to apply to Williams, and that is what he told me when he didn't want to apply there!</p>
<p>Believe me, your parents will not be disappointed IN YOU but might be disappointed FOR YOU....in other words, worried that YOU may be disappointed and nobody likes to see their child disappointed (though it is part of life and truthfully you are sure to get into some other great schools and will be ultimately just fine next fall). I cannot imagine parents upset over the decision but more likely sympathetic FOR their child. I would tell them and then expect hugs and moving on and while it is ok to feel disappointed, start talking of all the positive things that are still to come and hang in there. No one college letter should be the end all and be all. It will all work out in due time.
Susan</p>
<p>My son was turned down by Williams 5 years ago. And it was MY first choice for him. It is tough when you are worried about your parents reactions, and I wish I could help you. My son was not the least bit concerned about telling me or about how I would feel other than to tell me that he told me that it was not a good fit for him. I hope things go well with you. This is a tough time for all college bound seniors who are deferred or turned down by their first choice colleges.</p>
<p>As a parent who has a kid that received a rejection letter last year I would not be overly concerned about their response....if you're OK they'll be OK....as noted a little disappointment can be a good thing.</p>
<p>Perhaps, if your parents take a less than helpful attitude, you might point them here to CC so that can read first hand the complexities and uncertainness of the college admissions process.</p>
<p>As has often been stated here, the truly number of remarkable kids apply for good schools could fill multiple classes with no compromise in student body quality.</p>
<p>I feel for you. And I really hope that your parents will be disappointed FOR you rather than WITH you. And once they get over their disappointment, that they will offer you all the support you need to complete other applications.
The day before my S was going to hear from Harvard, he was rather tense; I told him that he should remember he had a great list of schools, each of which he would be very happy attending. I hope that you have a similar list and that your parents can see it that way. Good luck!</p>
<p>Achat - I'm hesitant to tell them because they react the same way everytime I face some sort of rejection (not placing high enough in a sports competition, not getting high enough SAT scores): they let me know that they were wrong in believing that I could achieve something good, and that they wish that I were better (10 seconds faster, 50 points higher, etc) so that I could fulfill the dreams that they have for me. I guess they have good intentions though.</p>
<p>TheDad - Thank you for your comments. If they start talking about how I "should have" gotten in, I'll definitely send them here. </p>
<p>1sokkermom - Thanks for the advice. Also, it is certainly relieving to hear how well things ended up for your son. </p>
<p>soozievt - Thanks. The odd thing is, I'm more relieved than disappointed about the deferral (Note to self: binding ED is NOT a good idea when you have a second first choice, and haven't even visited the ED school!). I'm just worried about how my parents will handle it. </p>
<p>jamimom - Thank you so much for your post. Hopefully things WiLL work out well with the rest of my schools. Your son ended up being happy whereever he ended up, right?</p>
<p>I'm not going to respond to your initial question, because soozievt wrote almost word for word what I would have written. The difference between feeling disappointed FOR someone, as opposed to disappointed IN someone, is enormous. </p>
<p>I was struck, though, by yur later comment that you're actually relieved about the result. This is something you need to share with your parents as well, so that they can more easily deal with whatever disappointment they feel for you. This seems like a good opportunity to discuss the college search in general--where you are right now, and what you're hoping for over the next two or thhree months.</p>
<p>Don't fret too much about your parents. They are who they are. Focus on the rest of your apps. Make sure you or your GC have all the recs, transcripts, school profile, etc... you need. If you want help with your essays, some of us will be willing to give it, I'm sure.</p>