<p>Girls continue to lag behind in many fields especially mathematics, and science, primarily because of underlying attitudes and expectations held by parents, teachers, and administrators, and the subtle undermining messages that are sent to girls every day reflecting those values. This is done frequently without realizing it on the part of the sender. </p>
<p>If a boy wants to take B/C Calculus, or Multi-Variable Calculus, or Physics C in high school, he is likely to hear, "That is great!", "You will be glad you did that later", "You're are showing colleges that you have what it takes!", "It will be work, but it will be worth it!", "That will help you get a good job some day." He is encouraged and lauded for his ambition and achievements. He is treated like a RockStar.</p>
<p>A girl is much more likely to hear those around her say things like, "That will be really hard, won't it?", "Are you sure you want to be stuck in a class with a bunch of boys?", "That won't be fun. Don't you want to take it easy your Senior year and have fun with your friends?" Instead of encouraging her to move forward with confidence, she is encouraged to move forward with caution, and self doubt about whether this is the correct decision, and to throw in the towel at the first sign of a difficulty. </p>
<p>When a boy expresses doubt about his ability to handle a of difficult class, he is more likely to be encouraged to work harder and offered support. If a girl expresses doubt, she is more likely to hear, "If you aren't sure? Maybe it isn't right for you." "Why not take something more fun? Perhaps, a class with lots of girls in it? Wouldn't that make you happier?"</p>
<p>Sadly, these comments come from both women and men, and usually the person acting as the Underminer is well intended, and believes they are helping her. Whether they think of it explicitly or not, most parents and grand parents worry that their male progeny will need a good education and a good job to find a good wife. In contrast, they worry that if their female progeny are too successful, they may not end up having a family (read, grandchildren). These concerns get reflected in the not too subtle comments that they make to their sons and daughters, and the expectations that they set for them. Subtly, but persistently guiding the boys and girls down different paths.</p>
<p>This underlying view and altered perception sometimes goes even further. Often a parent or counselor who does attempt to challenge a girl to lean in and take the challenge of a top college or a harder class is attacked by the others who are relatives or counselors.</p>
<p>A girl, who is well qualified, says that she wants to go to a highly competitive college, say MIT or Cal Tech or Harvard, counselors and relatives around her are more likely to express concern about homework, and stress levels and send her emails of articles about a kid who went to that school and committed suicide, or had a meltdown and ask whether she might be happier somewhere easier. All in the guise of "Wanting her to be happy." </p>
<p>When someone, say the girl's father, does encourage her to lean-into this challenge, the Underminers go to work on him too. They tell the girl that they want her to be happy, and that, in contrast, her father is not concerned about her happiness like they are, but instead is just trying to live out his dream through her.</p>
<p>I see these types of behavior every day in the responses and reactions and messages boys and girls receive. Amazingly, then we all sit around and wonder why the girls are not doing as well on SATs or ACTs. We are surprised to learn that the to math and science classes are largely comprised of boys. We begin to question whether girls really can do it, and right wing conservatives smile because they always thought that a woman's place was in the home, and these fact further convince them that they are right. And so, these beliefs and doubts continue to drive the pernicious circle forward.</p>
<p>Please, encourage your girls, and support them to lean-in and take that challenging math or science class. To be confident and believe in themselves. </p>
<p>Please encourage your daughters and grand daughters to take more math and science classes, and to be confident in there abilities. Let them know that you have their back, and will support them if the slip. Encourage them to me challenges head on. </p>
<p>Please listen carefully and protect you daughter from those well intended voices who are undermining their opportunities for the future. Challenge the Underminer to instill confidence in our daughters instead of sowing the seeds of doubt. </p>
<p>This type of change happens one person at a time. Please, encourage your daughter today. Help her with her math, or get her a tutor to help her, show her that she can do it, that you believe in her, and that you support her. When she is successful, treat her like a RockStar, and encourage her to take up the next challenge. These changes will be good for girls and good for America, and they start with each one of us.</p>